Bad Seed
by idefyu
Summary: Bella has everything hing,Damaged as a child, friends don't come easy to her, until she meets Edward.He is charming&addicting&his friends are just as intoxicating. She dives head first into his world of sex&wild parties.It's not all fun when abuse is common ,drugs dominate,jealousy runs the middle of a tug-of-war between two best friends,who should she choose?AU human
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

The idea has been seeded within all of our minds and they are excited as I am too. We have decided on every other Friday. Twice a month, we will celebrate from sundown to sunup. No exceptions. We have the money and means to do so.

Five months ago I would have never thought this possible, me surrounded by wonderful and charismatic people, and they adoring me. But with this life comes the pain, the crushing consequences, and the sickeningly delicious pleasure. It will kill me, but I love it.

_Five months before…_

Walking towards the library, Bella kept her head down, long brown hair tumbling down over her shoulders in soft waves. Engrossed in her book she did not take notice of the crowds forming down the sidewalks, stretching down the streets. Sweeping a stray tendril back behind her ear she enters the library without event.

Taking her normal seat at the back behind a large bookshelf and overlooking the gardens she relaxes, feeling at home almost immediately. About twenty minutes after she has seated herself, she feels eyes on her and she looks up from her book for the first time since she came.

Staring at her without shame is a young man around her age, tall and handsome; his rusty brown hair is in a tousled disarray which gives him the look of just having fallen out of bed after a night of naughty fun. Blushing at her thoughts, Bella quickly turns away.

"Hello there, how are you this afternoon?" Says the young man smiling wryly. She looks at him again meeting his eyes, they are a deep green.

"I am fine thanks, how are you?" She asks politely, while turning her attention back to her book.

"Must be a good book, you can hardly tear yourself away from it." He says nodding towards her book.

"Oh this, yeah well its a new book and I am anxious to see how it ends." She says trying to hold her composure as the man's stare penetrates her.

He moves closer to her and asks

"May I see?"

Nervously she hands him the book, their fingers touch and she feels her cheeks burning all the more.

"Hmm, seems sensual." He says flipping through the pages carefully.

"Oh I don't know about sensual, but it is interesting." She says reaching for the book nervously.

"Not sensual? '_His hands wandered beneath her skirt, finding that intimate part of her, the part that screamed for his touch'_ That sounds very sensual if you asked me." Said the man. Bella yanked the book from his hands and said,

"Yes well I didn't ask you now did I?" Her face on fire from embarrassment.

"I was only teasing, no need to get upset. Here lets begin again, I'm Edward Cullen and you are?" Asked Edward smiling devilishly.

"Uh, I'm Bella Swan it's nice to meet you Mr. Cullen." Bella says nervously.

"Bella, please call me Edward." He said grinning.

"Edward then." Bella smiled in return feeling reassured.

"Well Bella, what do you say to having a cup of coffee with me?" Edward asks

"Uh, I don't know." Bella says nervously.

"C'mon, I swear I won't bite." Edward grinned.

"Okay..." Bella replied taking his hand.

_**Bella**_

Edward. Oh what to say? He is beyond beautiful. Why in the world he is even looking in my direction is baffling. My thoughts had been on Edward all day. Since he and I had dinner, since the day we met. He hasn't made any moves on me, but I wish he would. All day I try to read the same line in my book, but I can't finish with him in my thoughts.

I know he sees me as a friend, but I whenever my phone rings my heart gives a jump because I know it's him. Once in a while I will get a call from Alice, but we aren't really the same crowd anymore. She was born with money as I was, but her parents never gave her any rules, do what you want was there motto. My parents were not the same. No, I had a much different upbringing.

There is no pretty way to say it, Charlie molested me from the time I was six till I was thirteen. When he died in a skiing accident leaving me millions. Renee knew what was going on but never moved to stop him. He had never actually raped me; if he hadn't died things would have gone much further I'm sure. Five years after Charlie's death when I was eighteen, Renee took a cocktail of pills and vodka and left me too. Now at nineteen, I am parentless and could care less. I have money, but I live in a tiny studio. I have no enthusiasm for life anymore. I read. I have literally thousands of books. They cover ever wall, every shelf, every spare spot in my studio. I don't work. I just read. I take boring walks to the library or bookstore. I occasionally talk to an old friend or two, but that was the extent of my life till I met Edward.

Two weeks into knowing him, we were best friends. He made me move in with him, insisting that I not be alone in my dreary studio. I couldn't say no. I was already in love with him by then. He made life exciting. Made me feel alive just being near him. We partied every day. He introduced me to pills. Prescription and non alike. Marijuana was a favorite as well. Alcohol was a must. We had friends over all the time and that is how I met the group. Emmett, who is Edward's brother is constantly over to our apartment with his roommate James. Jasper is Edward's best friend since they were kids, and Jacob is another one of their friends from school. Through the guys, I met the girls.

Rosalie and Tanya knew each other since they were little but are not particularly close. Tanya's cousin Irina was always present and my old best friend Alice was a part of the group as well. These were the people she ditched me for years ago. I tried to be mad at her for it but they were the better choice. I loved the group instantly.

One night as cigar after cigar filled with weed is passed around Alice jumps to her feet say she has something to tell us.

"So guess what I just bought guys? You will never guess." Alice said excitedly. It has been one month since I moved in with Edward.

Emmett rolls his eyes and laughs.

"What did you buy Alice?" Emmett asks humoring her.

She bounces on her feet as the cigars continue to be passed around.

"So I bought a club! Can you believe it? I am a business owner now!" Alice screeches.

"What club? Or is it a new one?" Rosalie asks squishing in between me and Tanya on the couch, Edward on the floor leaning against my legs. I pet his hair unconsciously and he closes his eyes leaning into my thigh, I get butterflies in my stomach from his contact.

"It's a new club, but it's already built and almost ready to open! I just need to name it and hire staff." Alice explained.

"So any idea what you want to call it?" Edward asks opening his eyes.

"Yeah, I think I want to call it 'The Bad Seed', what do you guys think?" Alice asks

"Ooh sounds racy." Rosalie adds sarcastically but smiles beside herself.

Everyone is excited about the idea of Alice owning a club. A place we will have unheard of freedom in. As if reading my mind Alice adds,

"There will be a special floor just for us, no one but personally approved people will be allowed." Alice said.

Everyone cheered at this.

"So when is the grand opening?" I ask

"In about two weeks. So I had an idea. It gets kind of crowded all of us hanging out here, no offense Edward, so I think the new club will be the perfect place for all of us to hang out. But since we all have crazy schedules sometimes, to ensure that we always hang out I think we should agree to meet at the club at least once a month and party till sunup." Alice explained seriously.

"Yeah that sounds cool, cause other wise people will be slacking and not showing up and we will never get to see each other. So I think it's a good deal. We should try for once a week though." Emmett said. All the boys nodded in agreement, and the girls followed.

"Okay so it's a deal. Two weeks from now will be the official opening and first day of our 'meeting'." Alice said.

"Enough business talk! You ladies are not nearly drunk enough for my liking!" James announced and everyone giggled and took another shot.

_**Bella**_

Around two in the morning the last of our friends leave after many games of twister in which we girls are copiously groped and molested by the boys. I collapsed into the cushions that cover the floor of the living room too tired and drunk to move. Edward stumbles back into the living room after locking up and collapses beside me. Both of us very high and happy.

"So you excited about Alice's club?" Edward asked scooting closer to me so that we are inches away from each other, taking my hand in his.

"Yeah, should be a fun time. We will have to break in the place won't we?" I asked jokingly. Edward was now face to face with me, his warm breath on my neck.

"Yeah we'll break it in…" He trailed off as he closed the inch between us and kissed me. My breath caught in my throat as his lips pressed against mine, his tongue demanding entrance to my mouth. Fever quickly took hold of me, and I wound my fingers into his thick mass of bronze locks.

"Edward…" I began but could not recall what I was going to say.

"Its okay." He soothed, his tongue massaging mine.

His hands explore beneath my blouse, massaging beneath the band of my bra before unhooking it with expert ease. The kisses became more passionate and I unconsciously began to grind my pelvis into his groin. He moaned into my mouth and the sound alone brought a trickle of wetness between my legs. I was tingling all over when he took off my blouse and bra altogether. His lips found my breasts and he took turns laving the left, then the right one. I gripped his hair tightly now, sensations overpowering me.

Edward began tugging down my pants, his hands caressing the inner parts of my thighs as he dragged the denim off of my body. He sat up momentarily and quickly slipped his shirt off revealing the perfect abs that had made my mouth water these past weeks living with him. I wanted to run my tongue over each ridge of muscle. The thought made me blush furiously and he smiled down at me. I wanted him in the worst kind of way. I ached in places I didn't know could ache.

Brazenly I pulled at the buckle of his jeans, struggling to see more of him, to feel him pressed against me, skin to skin. He helped me and soon his jeans were gone. Still blurry from the alcohol and weed only fed my bravery as my hand rubbed his growing erection through his boxers.

He hissed in response which encouraged me further as my hand dipped inside the elastic and felt the silky smooth skin of his cock, satin over steel. So hot, I ran my hand up and down the length very slowly feeling ever vein on my way to the bulbous head. His hands touched every bit of bare flesh they could. He gently petted the crouch of my panties, making me thrash beneath him and lose my grip on his cock.

He slid the panties off of me and his were gone moments later as he lay flat on top of me, spreading my legs, his pelvis finding a perfect cradle between my legs. I could feel his hardness pressed against my thigh, And for a moment I panicked. I had feared intimate contact my whole life because I thought it would bring back the horrid things Charlie had done to me. Those thoughts flashed momentarily as he held his cock in his hand and placed it at my entrance. I tensed, but Edward quickly leaned down and kissed me so gently and then smiled reassuringly before he plunged himself inside me.

His eyes widen in shock as he brakes through my barrier, and I bite into my lip to keep from crying out in pain.

"You're a virgin?" He asks, his voice full of disbelief.

I turn my head away and fight the urge to cry. I should have told him.

He is disgusted with me.

"Hey, its okay. I was just surprised." Edward whispers into my ear, nibbling at my earlobe. Excitement tickles through my body, as I adjust to him still inside me. I tense experimentally to see if it still hurts. It doesn't.

Edward moans and I assume that my tensing made him feel good. His eyes never leave mine, but he has yet to move inside me. I am no pro at this, but I thought the process was in and out? Nervously I bring my legs up and wrap them around his waist and he sinks deeper inside me. I feel myself moisten more at this so I thrust my body up to his and it feels even better.

"Bella your going to kill me if you keep wiggling like that!" Edward hissed gently. I stare at him baffled. I thought this would feel nice to him.

Reading my face he laughs.

"I almost came the second I was inside you. Your just so tight, it feels so good." Edward explained his face a little bleary as the alcohol takes more of an affect on me.

"I want to feel you." I whine. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before slowly pulling almost all the way out then thrusting back in. I clutch his shoulders as a tremor racks through me. I want him all over me. I want to taste him, every inch of him. I want to feel him pound into my body over and over again.

"Edward please I want more!" I cry and he quickens his pace thrusting harder into me. I clench around him and feel my whole body begin to tense. Burning starts in my abdomen and scorches to my core. He runs his fingers gently over my clit and I am lost.

I yell out and spasm over and over again holding onto him for dear life as he is pushed over and starts to come inside me hotly, spurt after spurt.

Finally we both still enough to let go of each other though sweat slicks our bodies, we are both shivering and my heart is pounding up into my throat.

Edward leans down and kisses me gently before he pulls out and rolls over to lay beside me. I feel slightly dizzy as my heart starts to slow down. I want to talk to Edward, make sure everything is okay with us but my body betrays me and I pass out, as Edward smoothes the hair from my face.

_**Edward**_

She was a virgin. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know what the hell came over him. He should have…What? What would he have done different?

Well, been sober for one, he thought dryly. He probably hurt her pretty bad just thrusting in like that the first time. Such a fucking idiot. He knew he should have waited. He had resisted so long. Everything about her screamed to him though. The day he met her he wanted her more than anyone he had ever met in his entire existence. He had his fair share of women too. No one ever struck that cord. She did, and now he probably ruined it. Asleep on the living room floor was an angel who he had just soiled. _I am a pig. _Edward thought to himself disgusted.

In the shower the water was as cold as he could stand it. A punishment for his deeds. Damn, he could still smell her.

Taste her. Already hard just thinking about her. Shit! He had to get a hold of himself. What in the world made him think he was deserving of a girl like her?

She was so pure and sweet. He knew it. He was drawn to it. Like a moth to the flames. He couldn't help it. He thought of her all the time. Something about being with her, around her made him feel like a better person, made him feel good. He tried to play it cool, like she didn't effect him. Like they were just good friends. But every time he was with her he had to fight the urge to touch her. It wasn't healthy.

He had to distance himself from her, for her own good. He would only ruin her, like he had so many before. But the others he had never wanted to save. He didn't care what happened to the other girls after he fucked them. They were disposable. She wasn't. No. Not her. He couldn't be the downfall of her. He had never taken any ones virginity before, but he knew the instant he did. He felt the barrier when he began to enter her and that is why he knew he would ruin her, he felt the barrier and didn't stop till it was broken.

He didn't even hesitate. He could pass it off as excitement, but he knew what he was doing. He wanted her to be his. He wanted to mark her as his own. Claim her, so no other could ever be her first. His cock was already becoming unbearably hard as the freezing water sluiced down his body. Cold showers were no help. He fisted it tightly in his hand and began to pump. He thought of her. He face flushed as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her cries as she came spasming around his cock, and he emptied himself inside her, her tight cunt milking him for all he was worth. Faster and faster he jacked himself until he released violently into his hand, streams of cum disappearing down the drain.

Pressing his face against the cool tile, he still felt no relief. He wanted her again. And again. And again.

"Fuck!" Edward hissed at himself knowing full well he would not be able to control himself when he was with her again. She was too addicting. He was quickly becoming obsessed with her and it frightened him because he could not at the moment recall a single face of a girl that came before her.

This was not him. He did not fall for women this easily. In fact, he could truthfully say that he had never been in love at all. Yes, there had been women he liked a little more than others, but no one he wanted around all the time.

He tired of them so easily. Would he tire of Bella? Another thought that scared him. He wanted Bella around. All the time. He felt a little uneasy being away from her sometimes and steadily that feeling grew.

No, it would be best for both of them if he put some distance between them, because whatever these feeling meant, he had no way of knowing if they would remain and for some reason he did not want to hurt Bella.

Sighing, Edward stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel, determined to put some distance between him and Bella immediately. It might hurt her, but this little pain would save her from the big one to come should they continue on.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: So thanks to any new or returning readers, this a pretty much done fic so the chapters will be up pretty quick, so enjoy.**_

_**Bella**_

I woke up feeling slightly sore and very alone. No Edward in sight. I must have been a horrible lay. Sitting up, dizziness catches me. Oh yeah. I forgot I drank so much last night that I forgot to be hung over. Wow. That's what a axe to the head feels like. Getting to my feet I grab my clothes and speed to my room. Its silly, no one is here to see me naked but I still feel self conscious.

Almost to my room I freeze in my tracks, Edward emerging from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hips. My jaws dropped before I can contain myself. He smiles at me mischievously, and I melt. With cat like grace, he stalks towards me giving me time enough to turn away or close my door, but I can't.

I want to see more of him. Last night I caught only glimpses of his gorgeous body, I want the whole picture. Inches from me now I lower the bundle of clothing I had clutched to my chest covering my naked form.

A sharp intake of breath from Edward encourages me and I drop the bundle altogether. His eyes rake over me, slowly taking me in. My face reddens uncontrollably, embarrassed by the uninhibited desire in his eyes. I want him just as much.

He reaches out and strokes a gentle hand down my side, his face holding a look of awe. Not knowing what's come over me, I yank the towel away from his body. Tiny droplets still coat his freshly washed skin and my tongue darts out of my mouth a wets my lips in anticipation of tasting him. I lean in and lap at a drop sliding slowly down his collar bone and I feel his body tense and shake. I suddenly feel empowered. I am holding him captive. Boring old Bella, me. Seducing Edward in the hallway of our apartment.

I lick down his chest following the path of the drops of water. His breathing becomes erratic as lick at his small nipple.

"Bella." He pleads, my name sounding like a prayer.

Before I can think I am scoped into his arms and carried into my room, and deposited gently on the neatly made bed that I did not sleep in last night.

Edward's body slides against mine and his skin is cool and damp. He must have taken a very cold shower. He smells so good, like woodsy soap and when his lips meet mine he tastes like citrus. His hands roam down my body and I suddenly try to pull away from him.

I just woke up, I probably look a hot mess and who knows what my post alcohol breath is like! Embarrassed I turn my face from his kiss and he holds his body above mine, not touching and stares down at me questioningly.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you still sore from last night? I didn't hurt you did I?" He asks very quickly and nervously. I shake my head vigorously not wanting to say anything least he smell my breath.

"What is it then Bella? Please tell me." He pleads. His face is furrowed in worry and I know that unless I tell him clearly that he did nothing wrong to me, he will likely continue to think that.

"Edward, its nothing like that. Its just that, well I haven't showered yet and my breath probably smells." I admit my face burning. His worried face breaks into a broad smile and he laughs heartily.

"Oh god Bella! Is that all? You may not have showered but you still smell and taste like heaven with a little bit of vodka I might add." He said still chuckling but adding small kisses down my chest as he does, the laughter makes his lips vibrate against my skin.

I want to beg him to let me shower really quick, but the kisses are very distracting. Each one brings tingles to me. The feel of his strong body above mine is exciting and arousing and I am wet for him. When he enters me I feel complete, like we were meant to be joined. We move together so well. I don't know how I went my whole life without this. Without him. Worries mount in my head momentarily. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if since we are not drunk he notices all the things I am doing wrong? What if it doesn't feel good to him this time? Then he moans my name.

"Bella" He pants, so much passion in just one word. Oh well…Is my last thought as I let myself be lost in the pleasure.

_**Edward**_

He stepped out of the bathroom and there she was. Naked, racing to her bedroom looking like a little wood nymph with her long brown hair wild around her face, clothing pressed in a bundle to her front. Her backside was exposed to him and just as appetizing. Shit, he was supposed to be distancing himself from her when she paraded around like that? His mind shut down when she let the clothes fall to the ground. He could in no way control himself. Before he knew what he was doing he was on top of her on her bed.

He didn't even recall them coming in here, his only objective was to have her again. His hands moved of there own violation, and when she touched him he was lost to the world but for her. She turned away from his kiss and his heart skipped a beat.

Did she not want him? Did he hurt her? No. Silly beautiful breathtaking girl. She was worried about not being clean enough for him. Ha! He knew without a doubt she could roll herself in garbage and then go on a three day jog through the desert on a diet of onions and he would still want to lick every inch of her.

Silly, silly girl. She tasted like all the sweetest things. Like cinnamon mixed with warm vanilla, like popsicle on a hot summer day. The phrase 'Like water in the desert' came to mind, but she was more like a cold shot of vodka to an alcoholic. He needed her to quench his thirst.

"Bella" He manages to say between thrusts. The pleasure to exquisite to describe. Tomorrow, he promises himself. Tomorrow he would keep away, just let me have today, he prayed as Bella began to shake and clench as her orgasm rocks her, causing him to release deep within her. Panting and sweating but wanting desperately to do it again.

_Present…_

_**Bella**_

"So what's with you and Edward then huh? You guys hardly talk anymore but he is always looking at you like you belong to him or something. I know you guys lived together for a little while, but you never said what happened. Why did you move out?" Rosalie asks looking over at Edward who was about four tables away sipping his drink listening to his brother Emmett rattle on about something.

"Edward? I think he looks at everyone like that, because there is nothing between us and nothing happened really." I say lightly.

"Yeah uh huh. I totally believe you." Rosalie says sarcastically.

"Well I think I will go have my turn in the closet, want to come?" Rosalie asks.

"No I think I will have another drink first." I claim and Rosalie nods and is off to the closet. I steal a glance at Edward, he is still staring at me. Turning my head I see him push himself up from the table and make his way over to me. Shit, shit, shit! I panic. I haven't spoken to him in about a month and that was just to politely say hello. I moved out of his place about a three months ago and then the club opened a little after that so we had all been very busy helping out. No time to chat if you didn't want to.

Afterwards when things became routine, I just avoided him and remained cordial to him in front of the others. Things had finally become normal here at the club, we even had an end of the night ritual. We would vote to see who was the most wasted and make them perform a song on our little stage, when all our guests were already gone home. It was usually around four am by then. It was a hilarious event to watch.

Last weekend it had been Emmett and his rendition of 'Crimson and clover' from Joan Jett and The Blackhearts. He was very engrossed in the song, singing his heart out. Rosalie and I joined him as back up singers, because we had been the runners up for most wasted. We laughed for hours afterward. We had been horribly off key and did not care one bit…Back to the present. Oh yeah. Edward is now at the edge of my table.

Emmett doesn't seem to have noticed Edward's departure, as he continues to ramble on and on and James pretends to be listening but is really staring over Emmett's shoulder at Irina as she bends over showing any one who cares to look, all of her bare goodies. I turn back to Edward and wait for whatever it is he is going to say, cringing a bit involuntarily.

"Bella, I have some things I got to talk to you about." Edward says sluggishly. One look into his eye and you can tell that he is very high.

He probably just took a few Xanax bars along with his shots of vodka. I turn away as I see Jasper approach. I smile at him. Edward grits his teeth at my ignoring him and hastily retreats into the darkness of the club.

"Hey there Miss Bella, what are you doing sitting here all alone looking so beautiful?" Jasper says in his soft southern accent. Jasper and I had been talking a lot more since I have been avoiding Edward. He's such an easy going guy, he makes me forget about Edward for a moment or two.

"Well I don't know Mister Holden, I guess no nice gentlemen have asked me to dance yet." I say jokingly

"You should dance with me then." Jasper says politely. Edward's incessant brooding is becoming tiresome and is childish to boot, if he will not do what has to be done and man up, then Jasper deserves this dance.

"Why Jasper, I thought you would never ask!" I say in a mock southern accent. Jasper merely laughs and takes my hand leading me to the small dance floor of our VIP section, which happens to be the entire second floor.

The song is fast and exotic, I grind my body against Jasper's and he holds onto my hips tightly moving in rhythm to the music. Being near him is intoxicating. His emotions are infectious. When he laughs, I can't help but laugh too. When he smiles, I grin despite myself. When the song slowed down to a softly lulling beat, Jasper began asking questions.

"So where did you come from Bella? One day I hear Edward mention your name in passing and the next you are queen bee of our little group. How did that happen?" Jasper asked curiously.

"Uh I don't really know and I don't think I am considered queen bee of anything. I knew Alice from when we were kids, but we had lost contact. Then I met Edward one day and we just got along. After that I met you all and reconnected with Alice so here I am!" I explained vaguely

"What about all your friends before us? Do you still talk to them?" He asked

"I didn't really have any friends to tell the truth. I was kind of a loner. I lived alone and collected books. Quite boring actually. Its funny that everyone thinks I am this really cool chick when I am really just a dolled up loser." I said jokingly.

"You are no loser. You just hadn't met us yet. But I am glad Edward found you, because we found you in turn." Jasper said sincerely

"Thanks, I am glad I met you guys too. I am happy to have Alice back as a friend too. See? I guess things work out some of the time." I said.

"More than you'd think." Jasper replied and we picked up our pace as the song changed and the tempo was much quicker. After about an hour of dancing and more than a few pills chased with shots, we were both getting a little worn down so Jasper leans in and says in my ear,

"You want to go to the closet?"

The closet, it may seem tainted with sexual innuendo as it is rightful to, but it also is where the party goers adjourn to smoke marijuana and not alert the smoke detectors. It is nothing more than a supply closet with a small ventilation window, but it is cozy and hidden conveniently behind the alcohol storage.

"Yeah lets go, but grab us a couple drinks too, I am so thirsty." I say feeling the mixture of the pills and alcohol take effect, making me pliable and soft and I suddenly want more of this feeling. Jasper grabs a bottle of whiskey that is half full and then we are off, hand in hand.

The door of the closet swings open as we approach, and Rosalie, Alice and Jacob spill out laughing and kissing each other in a tangled mess. Jacob spots me and looks momentarily guilty and I smile at him and as he notes Jasper at my side, his jaw clenches briefly then he goes on kissing Rosalie and Alice in turn. Jacob has long harbored a crush for me.

"Here we are my lady!" Jasper says in a silly voice pulling me into the closet and closing the door behind us. He lights up and the smell alone relaxes my muscles. He takes a deep breath and pulls me to him and presses his lips to mine exhaling into my mouth.

I breathe deep and let go and he lets me take a breath of my own, as he lifts me in a swift movement and sits me on the supply counter. I try to return the smoky kiss, but as he deepens his kiss on me I lose the smoke and myself to the kiss. My fingers trace his jaw gently as his tongue massages my own.

My body feels liquid beneath his wandering hands; I am all tingles and flames.

His hands find their way beneath my skirt and the long fingers stroke the damp front of my panties. I should stop him, tell him I am not that kind of girl, but that was the old me. I am that kind of girl now. The me who said no to everyone, who was always in control of the situation, who never let things go too far, the girl who never had fun, who had no friends, and no one to love.

That girl is dead and gone, this girl lets thing go where they may.

I take another deep drag and let him taste it on my lips leaning into him languidly.

His fingers skim their way beneath my panties stroking the tender folds and then they bury deep inside me. His mouth covers mine and fills me with smoke, stifling my moans as he pumps two then three finger inside me curling them slightly as he drags them out. I come quickly under his hand, taking only a few more stabs of his fingers and I am quivering.

When he removes his fingers from me he brings them to his mouth and licks my wetness from them, staring me straight in the eye. I moan again, just witnessing him lick his fingers brings tingles to my body. He smiles widely down, and I can feel his erection against my thigh and I want him badly.

He kisses me and I taste myself on his lips. The door is swung open suddenly and Jasper has enough sense to cover me, giving me a quick grin before he turns and puts on his best innocent face. With anyone else it would have worked but it is Edward who has interrupted us.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/n: A bit of a warning, this chapter does contain some mature/non-consensual sex. Nothing too bad though. **_

Edward forces a smile. The smile unsettles me.

"Edward my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Care for a drag?" Jasper asks all smiles, very high and happy.

"Yeah, of course." Edward says strangely taking the marijuana stuffed cigar from Jasper.

"Hey well I will be right back, going to run to the men's room and then get us some glasses to drink that whiskey okay?" Jasper asks lightly, touching my thigh gently smiling.

"Sure, thing Jasper, while you're at it do you think you could grab me some Vodka? You know why I am not a whiskey fan." Edward says, trying to sound light, but his voice is still strained to me. My stomach twists at the thought of being alone with Edward. He is acting strange.

"Yeah, sure pal. I remember Memphis, you threw up whisky all over Emmett's new car! I don't know how he forgave you. Any way, I will be right back." Jasper says smiling brightly and laughing then he is gone, the door clicking closed behind him.

Edward is before me in seconds, and he takes a long drag and pulls me close to share, but I try to pull away. He is making me nervous.

He grabs my head and forces the smoke and his tongue into my mouth. I pull away choking and gasping for air

"Edward! I can't breathe you psycho! What is your problem?" I demand still choking shoving at his chest.

"What were you doing with Jasper in here huh? You can tell me. I won't get mad." He says.

"What do I care if you get mad? Besides, it's none of your business what I do." I say and attempt to dismount the counter, but he holds me firm and presses himself to me. He spreads my legs and reaches between them touching me rudely and feels the wetness there from moments ago.

"Hmm. I think I can guess what you were doing." he says.

"You're such a pig, let go of me!" I say as I get one slap in, but he is not deterred as he unbuckles his pants and before I can utter a word, his hand is covering my mouth and shoving aside my panties as he plunges inside me roughly. I manage a small gasp. I cannot believe this is happening. Edward just forced himself inside me!

The feelings I have in the moment are bizarrely confusing, for I fear him and I am aroused at the same time. Was I sick? To experience pleasure in this?

This is not the same as the abuse I was dealt by Charlie; the sick touching and threats, the beating and the shameful things I was forced to do to him or watch him do. No. Not the same. This was Edward. My first love. He would never hurt me…Would he? I want to hate him for even making me think of Charlie by doing this but deep in my soul I know I never will, so I don't struggle against him very much.

I cry beneath his hand, both in indignation that he is doing this to me and shame that I am enjoying it. I push at him feebly as I feel him nearing his climax, as I also near. I look into his face for some recognizable trait that makes him Edward but he is oblivious to me beneath him, he is driving for his own satisfaction and cares for nothing else in this moment and that fact too serves to excite me more and I come for the second time within ten minutes.

He spills himself carelessly inside me and collapses atop me for a moment, breathing hard.

Both our hearts are pounding out of our chests as he pulls out and seems to come to himself and realize what he has done. When he sees the fat tears rolling down my cheeks, my face pale from shock his eyes fill with tears too. He begins to stammer out something, his voice cracking and sadness overcoming him, as Jasper returns and is not sure what to make of the scene.

I pull my skirt back down and try to wipe the tears from my eyes quickly.

Jasper puts things together faster than I expected in his inebriated state, what with Edward hastily fastening his pants and me crying, sniffling and covering myself, he gets the picture. He launches himself at Edward with a fierceness that I did not know such a kind person like him could possess.

He punches Edward twice, and in his guilt Edward does not hit back as his nose bleeds freely. When Jasper goes in for the third swing I pull him by the arm and he stops.

"Please Jasper, just stop. Just let us talk for a sec okay?" I plead into his ear. He grits his teeth and looks down at Edward in rage.

"Please." I plead again

Balling his fists, then releasing them he takes my waist and kisses me gently, a sign of possessiveness that I don't really appreciate, then takes his leave slamming the door as he goes. I can hear the others outside the door asking what is going or what happened. I hear no reply from Jasper.

Edward lays on the floor in defeat, he is sobbing into his hands. My heart twists seeing him cry and I go to lock the door then join him on the floor.

"Hear let me see your face." I say gently lifting his face from his hands.

His lip is split and his nose is still bleeding freely. I get up and open a pack of bathroom tissue on the shelf and use it to dab at his lip and nose.

He grabs my hand and holds it to his face his eyes closing for a moment forgetting where he is.

"Why are you doing this for me? I am despicable." Edward says coming back to normal, always quick to hate himself.

"I don't know." I reply honestly.

"I really wish I did though. I should hate you for what you did just now, but all I can think to feel is sadness and pain seeing you hurt." I say.

"I am so sorry Bella, you know how much I care for you and lo-" Edward begins but stops when there is a knock at the door.

"Go away, we will come out when we are ready okay?" I shout and whoever was there retreats.

"Edward I don't want to hear about how your sorry, because I know you too well and I know that you are sorry. I don't want to hear how you love me because you will change your mind in a week. So just let me say what I have to say okay?" I ask gently.

"Okay I won't say a word." Edward vows.

"You know that I love you, it is no secret. You were the first man I loved and made love to and also the first man to break my heart and stomp on the pieces. I trusted you so completely and was so very patient with you as you flip flopped on whether or not you wanted to be with me. But when you threw me aside the last time I couldn't take it. If you don't want me that's fine, but quit lifting me up only to throw me down." I said resigned

"I don't mean to hurt you." Edward admitted sadly

"I know and that is why I forgive you. Sometimes I wish I never met you. Then you wouldn't be the first thing I think of when I wake up. And the last thing before I go to bed. I wouldn't think of you whenever I am with someone else, having sex with someone else. I wouldn't be with someone wishing it was you. I cry at night sometimes with the intensity of my love for you. Even now, you just forced yourself inside me and all I can think of is that your bleeding and it is my fault. This relationship we have is sick. We aren't even together and we still manage to interfere with each others lives. We still manage to be insane. Edward I don't know what to do because I don't think we can be together and we can't even manage to be apart properly. We are going to ruin each other if we don't stop this." I say scooting closer to Edward. His arms envelope me naturally and hold me to his chest as I begin to cry harder.

"This is such a fucked up mess I have made. And whats really fucked about it is the only reason I did the things I did was to distance myself from you so I wouldn't ruin you." Edward explained

"Please Edward, don't try and make yourself sound noble, like you were trying to save me. You were scared. Afraid that since you took my virginity that you owed me something or that I would cling to you." I argued.

"No, no it's not like that Bella. Please listen. Yes I was afraid. But not for the reasons you said. I was afraid because I never felt the things I feel for you, for any one else. I have never loved any one before. You know I love you. You know I am telling the truth when I say this. I love you and you are the only one I have ever said this to and meant it." Edward said sincerely

"Really? So you are saying that you did all those things to scare me away because you were scared? Because you love me? I don't understand Edward." I said, head hurting.

"I know it is my fault. Really I do. If I were a normal man who had no emotional issues we would be together with no problems, but I can't even manage to be apart from you without going mad. Look, I know it was stupid of me to try and push you away the way I did, but you have to know I had the best intentions." Edward said stroking my hair.

I remained quite for a moment my body shaking, unbelieving. How could he have had the best intentions whilst fucking some whore on the couch with me in the next room? Or referring to me to the said whore as just his roommate? Or acting as if I didn't exist. Two days. Two days after we had sex, he brought over another girl. I could hear the giggling in my room.

I cried the whole night while he grunted and the bitch moaned his name.

For two weeks I endured whore after whore, until too much of my heart was being chipped away and I had to leave for my own sanity and health. If I hadn't left I would have still held hope. Hope that he could love me. It had all hurt.

The best intentions my ass I thought bitterly. Pushing all those bad thoughts away I came back to the moment and took a deep breath.

"The only thing we can do now Edward is to try and give each other space. We have to let each other do as they please. Maybe in time we can try us again, but not right now we would just tear each other to shreds. Maybe time will dull this love I have for you. Who knows? All I know is that right now I feel like I have barely any love left after you. Like I am only half me because of you." I say

"I know time won't do anything, because I know you are the one for me. The one I am meant to love, I just haven't learned how yet." Edward replied.

I scoffed in my head. Yeah fucking right.

"Maybe. But tonight I will be leaving with Jasper. I will probably have sex with him and I will probably think of you during it. Ever night we celebrate I might leave with someone who is not you and you might do the same. I know its sick. I know I am a jealously depraved and not right in the head fucked up whore but I hope whoever you leave with, your thinking of me in the most heated of moments. That I occupy your thoughts as you occupy mine." I say

"You already do, I see no face but yours." Edward replies.

Leaning in Edward kisses me and it is the taste and feel I have missed. I have to resist melting into him and forgetting all my anger. His lips taste of orange and that unknown taste unique to him. His hands feel like the missing puzzle piece as they caress down the side of my body. I pull away reluctantly as he inhales the scent of my hair and exhales.

"C'mon lets get back to the party, god knows what they are doing without me." I say lightly.

Edward smiles softly but it does not reach his eyes and follows me out.

_**Bella**_

Everyone stares for a moment when we return, Alice is at my side in a flash wanting to know the dirt.

"What the hell was that? What happened? Why is Edward bleeding?" She asked in one breath.

"I'll tell you later." I reply ominously as Jasper swoops in. For another half hour I sit silently at the back of the bar with Jasper but its pure hell.

Taking my hand, Jasper leads me out of the club into the warm summer night. I feel another hand on me for a moment and I hear Daniel asking me if I am okay, but words seem to fail me as I let myself be buckled into Jasper's car. I see Jacob's face, fading into the blackness of the night, concern etched across his features.

_**Edward**_

They just left. Her face pale as she swept past me like I didn't exist.

I shouldn't exist. I watch in silence as Jasper leads her out of the club, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist and his eyes dart in my direction before turning away appalled. I sit alone in a deserted corner of the club, crumpled on the floor in self disgust. I want to die.

I don't deserve to be alive. Beer bottles litter the floor around me, but there is not enough alcohol in this world to make me forget the awful things that I've done. I just had sex with Bella in a way that someone should never be taken. By force. I forced myself into her body. Vomit rises in my throat each time I think of it. Of poor Bella.

She struggled against me and I knew it was wrong, but a part of me wanted her so bad in that moment that I chose to ignore the sensible side. I wanted to prove to her and myself something. That we belong together. She belongs with me. Not with Jasper! Me! She should be mine, would have been mine had I been smarter in the beginning.

But I let fear take over, just like she said. I was afraid of so much. One of the reasons being change. She had immediately begun to change me irreparably the second we met.

So when we had sex the first time, I instantly and instinctively wanted to shield myself from further exposure to her. I was addicted then, I should have known it but going cold turkey is no longer an option. The look of fear in her eyes as I struggled with her. She fought feebly, and something inside of me growled. She didn't want to fight me. Did she still want to be with me?

I was egged on further. Still, there is not a single thing on this planet that excuses me for what I did. It would be better off if I wasn't alive I'm sure. I wouldn't ruin all that's beautiful in this world. Like Bella. Such an angel, even now. She wasn't really mad at me. How could that be? She should hate me with every fiber of her being, but she doesn't. How? I hate me for her.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Bella**_

In Jasper's car the world seems to have suddenly gone quiet.

"Where are we going Jasper?" I ask tentatively looking out the window. He doesn't look at me and takes more than a moment to answer. We weren't going in the right direction.

"Jasper?" I press.

"To the hospital." He states.

"Jasper, you stop this car right now, I will not go to any hospital. You take me home this instant or let me out and I will find my own way." I demand suddenly fierce.

"You've been raped, I have to get you checked out." He says quietly.

The words stab into me. Such a sick word. Rape. Nasty ugly word. Brings to mind disgusting and repulsive things. It should never be used in reference to any thing having to do with Edward. It brings chills to me as Charlie flashes to mind, his hands on me, his mouth...

"Don't you ever say that again Jasper Holden, now you take me home or I will get out at the next light." I challenge breaking away from my reverie.

"You would defend him, even now?" He asks incredulously.

"You don't know what happened." I say tight lipped.

"I know enough, would you still defend him?" He presses.

"I don't know what you think happened but I just want to go home okay?" I say pleadingly, avoiding a proper answer. He says nothing but he does turn the car in the direction of my apartment. When we get to the luxury apartment that I now occupy, he parks and gets out quickly to come around and open the door for me. He silently helps me from the car and escorts me to my floor. At my door he grasps me gently.

"Bella please don't let him get away with hurting you like that, he is my best friend in the world but any man that hurts a women needs to be punished." He says softly. I pull his arm and lead him into my apartment and sit him on the large armchair.

"Jasper listen, it is a very complicated situation between me and Edward. He was not himself a while ago, you have to know that, you have known him your entire life." I say to him settling on his lap and caressing his cheek.

"I know you and Edward had some sort of thing before, I know you two think that no one knows, but we all have eyes and can see how you look at each other when you think no one is looking. I never asked you, but I accepted that you were trying to move on from him. Please trust me enough to tell me what happened tonight." Jasper said running his hand over my arm gently.

I am surprised by his honesty, I had never realized that we were so obvious, I was never very good at hiding my emotions, but I thought Edward was.

"Jasper I know you think he did something horrible tonight, but I can't no matter how hard I try, think of it like that. I have been hurt in ways you can never imagine so I think I can recognize when I am truly abused. I have a deep love for Edward and I don't think that ever goes away. You can't after all, easily forget your first everything." I say softly. He is momentarily stunned. They all think me so experienced and knowing, I want to laugh.

"Edward was your first? But I thought you only met him a little before we met you?" Jasper asks.

"Yes, that's true. So you can imagine how sensitive the situation is, being that it occurred so recently and at such a late age for me." I said feeling slightly embarrassed.

"No, there is nothing wrong with waiting for your first time, but why Edward? And I got the idea that what ever you guys had was long past… so when exactly did you guys uh… you know?" Jasper asked shyly.

"Well, about a month after us becoming friends, one night it just happened. You guys had just left. It was the night we played twister and you grabbed my butt. He realized that it was my first time, but I think he was in that mode where he didn't want to get tangled in a relationship of sorts or something so he uh, distanced himself from me." I said biting my lip

"What do you mean he distanced himself from you? He tried to drive you away or what?" Jasper asked

"Not so much try, he did. I am here obviously. I couldn't take it any more." I admitted.

"What did he do?" He asked his hands tightening around me.

"Two days after he slept with me, he started fucking various women with me in the next room." I replied dryly.

"And yet you still love him?" Jasper asked jaw clenching.

"Yes, I do. But I have a big heart and I think I can love many. Since my departure with Edward I have sworn to myself that I will not tie myself to one person so easily again and I will experience all that this life has to offer." I said cuddling closer to him.

"So basically your going to sleep with whoever you want, whenever?" Jasper asked breathing becoming labored.

"Yes, does that bother you? After all that is what our little club is meant for, liberation of all kinds right?" I ask breathing warmly on his throat feeling him tremble slightly.

"But what about tonight? Do want to be used too? That is what Edward did. He used you to satisfy himself in that moment. Will you be someone's plaything?" He asked feebly

"Hmm, I think I rather like the idea for now." I said licking his throat in tiny little laps ignoring the jab at Edward using me.

"You know all the guys at the club want you don't you?" He said breathing in short gasps.

"Really? I had no idea, but for now I want you. I haven't felt this light in a while, don't let this moment go by Jazz" I say latching onto a spot in the middle of his throat and sucking firmly as he moaned softly.

"I've wanted you since I first saw you." Jasper managed to say.

"Oh?" I ask as I stand up and slip my dress to the floor, standing before him in only panties and heels.

"Then have me." I say wrapping my arms around him. In an instant I'm enveloped by him, and I can't tell what is up or down as I realize I am now lying on the couch. I help him struggle with his clothing, tearing at his shirt and yanking his boxers down.

He lays atop me, his firm muscled weight is delicious against my body, I want him roughly but I know he will not take me like that. I feel his hands sliding my panties down and off my ankles, and I am exposed beneath him. Our nakedness hiding no desire, leaving no heartbeat unheard.

I feel the rigid point of him heavy against my thigh for a moment then the length is plunged into me and I bite down on my lip as moans escape.

I am filled entirely by him. He is larger in width then Edward, and I feel myself being stretched my him. It feels good, but I cannot help but think of Edward for a half second. Of how Edward seemed to fit inside me perfectly, how his length felt growing in my hand as we lay together, ready for the next bout.

My legs are stretched open, my thighs gripped momentarily as he drives deeper inside me. I ache from this position, but I will not say so for it is the exact exquisite pain I hoped for. If I cannot have roughness, I will settle for mild pain. I have no idea where the craving for pain is coming from. Edward never hurt me, but I think pain reminds me of him and even if it is wrong, I love having him in my mind.

My fingers grip Jasper's hair. So unlike Edward's silken tendrils, his hair is wavy and thick, soft but not silky. I pull at it playfully and he hisses in response. I rise up to meet his thrust, desperate for more of the ache, for more friction. Sweat slicks our bodies, I spread my legs until it hurts and it is heaven. I scream out as I feel myself nearing climax, I see Edward's face for the briefest moment, and then Jasper quickens his pace till I am uncontrollable beneath him, thrashing wildly as he finishes inside me bringing me to my peak, clawing at the couch cushions even though I wish it were his flesh. Jasper is a gentle creature, the violence I now crave I do not think is in his nature.

Breathing labored, he collapses atop me, and the weight is comforting.

_**Emmett**_

"Edward c'mon man, lets get you home. Its okay." I said trying to calm my hysterical little brother, the club closed hours ago and now at four a.m. we are filling out of the place and locking up. The girls leave ahead of us as we all promised to continue the party at my place. I have no idea what went on earlier in the closet, but my bro is fucked up.

"Is he going to be alright?" James asks stepping back as Edward looks as if he might puke all over the place.

"He looks pretty bad, man your brother can't hang for shit!" Jacob laughs as Edward stumbles and nearly falls, but I scoop him up before his face smacks into the pavement, and he looks at me like he would prefer the pavement.

"He'll be cool man, lets just get him up to the apartment and shut the fuck up asshole, next time you drink too much I'm going to leave you here on the street to be sodomized." I growl at Jacob.

"You going to be doing the sodomizing Emmy-Bear?" Jacob asks in a mock girly voice and he and James laugh while they attempt to hail a cab. The two know how to push my buttons. They know my weak spots. One is Edward, he is my only sibling, he's my baby brother for fuck's sake! He really seems to be hurting too.

I have never seen him like this in our entire life. Only a year apart, we grew up as close as two brothers can be. As children of divorce we spent our growing years flip flopping from coast to coast from dad to mom, until mom passed away when I was ten and little Eddie nine, and we were with dad permanently. Carlisle is as cool as dads come, he remarried about a year ago to his lovely assistant, Esme.

Growing up, he never gave us any grief, never told us to grow the fuck up or to stop embarrassing him. The only bit of advice that is constant with him is 'be the good guy'.

' Just be the good guy son, the good guy always wins in the end ' he repeated whenever a situation requiring our personal judgment would arise.

I wonder if Edward was the good guy tonight? From the state of him I would bet on no.

"Hello? Emmett? Are you going to put the pussy in the cab or what? The driver is not going to wait all night while you sing him to sleep!" James yelled impatiently from the front seat of the cab.

I sat Edward in the cab and then got in next to him and Jacob sat on his other side, keeping him upright.

"Keep running your mouth dickhead and I'll have to break it for you." Was my reply to James' s sneer. The dude is like seventy-five percent asshole and like the rest is man-whore, but he is also my best friend besides my brother and I guess I do like having him around. Crazy as hell, but a good man to have around in a sticky situation, James could be a little annoying at times, especially since he is my roommate.

"So ah, what is wrong with you Miss Priss?" Jacob ask Edward shaking him to awareness.

"She hates me now, how can she ever forgive me? I should be thrown in front of a bus." Edward mumbled to his self burying his head in his hands in defeat.

"Dude what the hell happened? Your brother is soo wasted!" Jacob laughs clapping his hands shocking a dozing Edward awake.

"Yeah that he is. But we all get pretty wasted sometimes, so leave him alone." I add

"Always protecting your precious!" James said laughing.

I ignored them as we arrived after a very short ride from the club to our apartments. The guys help me to get Edward in the elevator and to our floor. We are practically carrying him now. He collapses in the entrance way and then starts babbling again.

"Emmett, you have to tell her that I really do love her okay? If I don't make it…" Edward trailed off.

"Dude, why the fuck wouldn't you make it? Your drunk as hell, not dying of polio or something." James laughs as Edward continued to make strange requests.

"No, I am going to hell. I am going to burn in hell forever for this." Edward slurred.

"Calm down man, what could you possibly have done that's so bad?" Jacob asks hoisting a sinking Edward up yet again.

"I am a monster. Emmett don't tell dad how bad I've been okay? When I am gone tell him I was the good guy…"Edward rambled on.

"Sure Pal. No problem." I say humoring him but in my mind I am slightly worried. What is making him hate himself like this? Poor kid. Dragging Edward through the narrow hallway to the guestroom seems like a challenge, and the guys eye me wearily as they loose their grip on Edward and he smacks into the wall before sinking to the ground. James snickers, but stifles it when I shoot him a warning look.

"Shit." I curse, trying to hoist Edward's dead weight back up.

"Lets just put him in your room to crash out for now." Jacob says looking down at Edward with curiosity before grabbing one of his shoulders helping me get him back on his feet.

"No, guys c'mon. I'm not even tired!" Edward announces trying to brush us away from him stumbling away.

"Edward just sleep this off k? You will feel better tomorrow." I lie knowing he will feel ten times worse in the morning.

"Just give him another shot and he will be out." Jacob insists

"Yeah and maybe a few Percocets, he looks like he needs to forget for a while." James adds.

"You two were just saying how wasted he is, why would I get him more wasted?" I ask

"So he can forget whatever it is he keeps going on about." Jacob says simply. I shrug.

"Give him a beer and one Percocet and that's it." I agree hoping it will help. The guys cheer in approval and James goes to the kitchen to get some beer.

"The girls are here!" James announces on his way back. The girls left before us so the should have actually arrived first, right on cue Riley explains that they stopped at an adult shop on the way and bought some toys.

"If you boys behave we may even show you what we got!" Alice teased happily and Irina and Tanya giggle in unison. Rosalie looks down at Edward sprawled across the couch as James hands him a beer and Jacob supplies him with the pills.

"What the fuck are you doing? Why are you giving him more beer and shit? He is already shit faced!" Rosalie exclaims trying to grab the beer from Edward before he can chase the pill he just swallowed with it. Jacob grabs her by the waist holding her away long enough for Edward to clutch his beer tightly and chug it down before she can grab it. Rosalie smacks at Jacob and he lets her go.

"Well fuck! If he gets his stomach pumped its asshole here's fault!" Rosalie says indicating Jacob, before collapsing next to Edward on the couch.

"Poor kid." She mumbles petting his hair motherly.

"He will be fine, the puss just needs to learn to handle his alcohol better." James says squeezing in on Rosalie's other side. She smirks at him but says nothing. She is such a hot ass bitch. A hot bitch who cares what happens to my brother. Maybe she has a thing for him…Why should I care? Not like me and her have ever gone out or anything. God knows I want to but…but what? It causes drama when you fall for people your always around, with people you see all the time. Not the thing for me. I like the ways things are going just fine. Why mess with a good thing? Cause it irritates the hell out of me to watch James sit next to her, touching her.

"So what toys did you get Rose?" I ask trying to take my mind of the million other things floating across my brain. I take a seat in the oversized armchair and Alice props herself on my lap clutching a tasseled bag in the shape of breasts. I peek over her shoulder at it, curious about what they got.

Alice reaches into her bag and pulls out what looks like a flashlight.

"What the hell is that?" Jacob asks.

"Its for you Jacob! Actually I got one for all of you, it's a flesh light!" She says tossing each of us one. Opening the top where the light bulb usually sits on a real flashlight, is a fleshy mound. A fake pussy. Ha! All the guys roar with laughter.

"I am so using this!" James announces.

"Uh Tinkerbell you can use this on me any time, but I don't play solo." Jacob says to Alice.

"Oh really? Well maybe you will tonight!" Alice says lifting her top flashing Jacob her small pert breasts, nipples perfectly pink and mouth watering. James whistles rudely and Alice laughs.

"See anything you like Jacob? Hmm? Anything worthy of jacking off to?" Alice says coyly taking my massive hands and placing them over her small breasts, rubbing me over her nipples. Jacob's mouth falls open and we all laugh at him.

Edward opens his eyes, drawn awake by the laughter and looks around ignoring the scene before him and grabs another beer and downs it and then gets up and stumbles to the bathroom. Distracted by all the pretty ladies and their new toys, It's a while before I notice that Edward has not come out of the bathroom yet.

"Edward? Hey man you okay?" Jacob asks tapping on the door loudly. No answer. I get up and knock as well.

"Edward! Open the door right now!" I pound nervously. I don't hear anything on the other side of the door so I twist the handle to the left as hard as I can and it clicks unlocked. Inside the bathroom Edward is slumped on the ground an empty pill bottle in his hand.

Oh my god, oh my god. I can't think. Everyone is now crowding into the hall and bathroom to see what's going on. No one moves to help. Shit! What the fuck do I do? My mind draws a blank.

Rosalie shoves past me and checks Edward's pulse then pulls him up to a sitting position on the floor and holds him against her chest bracing his head in one hand and then with the other hand, shoves her fingers into his mouth and down his throat.

Choking and gagging he wakes and turns to vomit into the toilet.

"He'll be fine guys. Just put him to bed now." She says washing her hands looking slightly annoyed.

"What the fuck was that Rosalie? How did you know to do that?" I ask

"Common sense you dumb shits, next time listen to me when I warn you about something, believe me I know what I am talking about." Rosalie explains looking over at Edward who is still vomiting profusely into the toilet.

"Thanks Rosalie and believe me, from now on your word is law." I reply awed with her. She nods and heads back to the sitting room. Edward collapses resting his head against the sink, done vomiting.

"You good now?" I ask. He nods.

"I'm sorry Emmett." He mumbles hoarsely

"It's okay pal, lets get you to bed." I say

All the others follow Rosalie back into the sitting room except for Jacob.

He helps me lift Edward and lead him to my room which is right of to the side of the living room and as soon as we put him in bed, Edward is out cold.

He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. I can't understand what's up with him. This is so not his normal behavior. He never gets this drunk or acts this strange. I take his shoes off for him and cover him up before turning out the light and closing the door. Hoping he will be better tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Apologies in advance for the many mistakes these chapters likely contain, but I just wanted to get them out. Hope everyone understands, if you'd like to leave a review whether it be good or bad I would greatly appreciate the input.**_

_**Bella **_

Cuddled on the couch with Jasper, he starts asking questions.

"So was I the second man you've been with?" Jasper asks holding me to him.

"No, you're the third. But still top five, so don't fret love." I say jokingly and he laughs.

"Who was the second? Anyone I would know?" He asks not letting the subject go.

"I am not answering that! If I say it is someone you would know you would never let it go." I say lightly. I have never mentioned to anyone who this second man is, it would hurt people in ways I could not fathom. It was a mistake. One I never really wanted to think about. Made me sick to think about it. The act itself was not sickening, it was the specifics of who it was with.

I should have lied and told Jasper he was the second, but lying is not a strong suit for me. I am sure Jasper would have seen right through me.

"Oh c'mon! I won't tell!" He teases.

"It's not that you would tell, its that you would know. No one knows about this one. Not a soul but him and that is the way it is going to stay forever. As it is you are always going to wonder what me and Edward having sex for the first time was like, and you will so don't you deny it. But it is another thing for you to know everything about me. You know a girl has to have some secrets of her own." I say

"I see, and yeah I was already imagining how he did it, how he got you into the sack, what words he might have used, all that. I wonder if he made you come the first time, as I did." Jasper said seriously.

"Oh come on now, lets talk about something else, cause I am sure you really don't want the answers to those questions. Oh how about I tell you a different secret?" I ask teasingly. Ramsey frowns.

"What kind of secret?" He asks curiously

"A good kind!" I say and giggle at the look on his face.

"Okay lets hear it!" He says enthusiastically.

"Lets see, where to start? Ooh did I tell you I have been with a girl before?" I said seeing if this perked his interests.

"Really? How was it and more importantly who was it and did you like it?" He said biting just as I knew he would.

"Would you believe me if I told you that myself, Alice and Rosalie had a special sort of ladies night once?" I ask. He is silent for a moment.

"Oh god kill me now, I can die happy. Alice? Your best friend? You two are seriously close as can be, but Rosalie too? No way!" Jasper said laughing in disbelief as I lead him into the story of that night which was about three weeks ago.

"So Alice, Rosalie and I were playing a little game of truth or dare." I began but was interrupted.

"Wait, you guys still play that? What are you like twelve?" Jasper jokes.

"Haha, shut up. Do you want to hear the story or not?" I ask.

"Sorry, sorry, please continue." Jasper says excitedly.

As soon as I was done telling the story, Jasper was yanking down my panties again, ready for more fun.

"But wait, that would mean I am the fifth man to be with you, not the third!" Jasper said jokingly.

"No, you said men. Women do not count." I responded.

"Oh okay so you can screw as many chicks as you want and still keep the meter low?" Jasper asks playfully.

"Why yes of course! Because us girls can never really have true intercourse with each other no matter what. Quite a feat if you ask me. One of the only double standards us women have on you men." I say tracing my fingers along his back.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked grinning.

"Well say you were to have sex with a man, you two would be having actual intercourse, as opposed to women who lack an external sex organ that can impale, to put things crudely." I say trying to explain.

"But what about toys and uh fingers?" Jasper asks slightly embarrassed.

"Neither are sex organs attached to our bodies, so I say it is not actual intercourse." I chimed.

"Oh I think I get it, even though it is a bit disturbing." Jasper said

"So you've never thought of being with another man?" I ask.

"Of course not!" Jasper says quickly as I knew he would. Jeez! So uppity!

"Maybe you should, it would be awfully sexy if you did." I say lightly.

"No way Bella. I just cannot see that happening. Its too weird." He said

"What if it was in a threesome with another girl, say me for example?" I ask

"Well if it were you, I guess I would try to share you but I don't think I could share me. I am the plug not the socket!" Jasper said laughing.

"Your no fun!" I pout jokingly.

Rosalie and I sat at the bar, waiting for the other girls to join us for some shots.

"So what the hell was that last week with Edward and Jasper huh?" Rosalie pressed.

"Edward cried and rambled on the whole rest of the night and then drank till he passed out off and on. The boys had to carry him bed and make sure he didn't try to hurt himself again." Rosalie said while downing her fourth shot.

"What do you mean again?" I asked panic rising in my throat

"He was fucked up, and the guys thought it was a good idea to give him more beer and pills, then let him go off to the bathroom and forget about him. He downed a bottle of something and we found him on the floor out cold." Rosalie answered.

"But what happened? Did he have to go to the hospital? Is he okay?" I said a little too anxiously. Rosalie gave me a suspicious look but answered.

"No, we didn't take him to the hospital cause he was fine. All the guys panicked so I had shove my fingers down his fucking throat and make him puke. He was cool after that, went to bed on suicide watch." Rosalie finished.

"Wow Rosalie, good thinking on your part." I said truly grateful to her. Knowing full well I shouldn't give a shit what Edward did, I still couldn't help my feelings. He wanted to hurt himself because of me.

"So why was he acting like that? What happened between you guys?" She asked again.

"Oh nothing really, you know boys, they always seem to find a reason to fight. It was no big deal. Just Edward takes things to an extreme. Remind me next time we have a heart to heart with Alice and I will tell you all about it k?" I half plead with her. She gives me a wary look that says she isn't forgetting about this then says,

"Yeah, cool tell me later. So should we bring the plan up tonight?" She asks changing the subject.

"I almost forgot about that yeah!" I say happy to move on.

"I am so game, I really want someone tonight and I would love it to be totally random." Rosalie says calling Irina and the other girls over. She pours us all a shot and we drink them down quickly.

"Okay girls member the plan we talked about a few weeks back? Well tonight is the night." Rosalie said slamming her shot glass down on the table.

"Wait you mean we are seriously doing this? I can't guys, you know I have a boyfriend! It's kind of sluty too isn't it? " Tanya blurts out. Rosalie grabs her hand menacingly.

"Tanya, we all know your boyfriends a lame ass, for all we know you made him up and we also see your panties dripping for Edward ever time he talks to you so don't deny you want to do this, don't pretend you don't dream of getting ganged fucked either we all remember your little drunken confession during truth or dare last month. If you don't participate it will fuck up the whole thing because we will have an extra guy. So what is it going to be Tanya? You could end up with Edward or anyone else your drooling over, and you get a try with everyone so broaden your horizons." Rosalie say gripping Tanya's hand tightly.

I see her wince and give in.

"Any other objections before I bring over the boys and announce the plan bitches?" Rosalie asks. No one says anything, they are all afraid of Rosalie, or some simply don't care what we do they are so drunk or high, or both.

"Oh boys? May we have all of you to join us in the balcony room for a moment?" Rosalie asks giving her sexiest smile.

Edward's eyes meet mine for a moment but I turn away quickly. All the boys get to there feet without hesitation and follow us ladies up the spiral stairs to the small private balcony that overlooks both levels of the club. It is what we like to call the genie bottle because of its resemblance to the inside of a genie's lamp. it's a perfect circle with oversized cushions lining the room, and pillows strewn all over in various sizes. A small break in the cushions leads to the little balcony that is covered in opulent privacy drapes.

I have the cup with all of us girls names in it clutched safely in my hand as we file into the room.

Rosalie explains the plan as we all get seated. All the boys will draw a name and that will be there partner for the night, and every week we will rotate until everyone has had everyone.

"I think this is the best idea you've ever had Rosalie!" James say reaching into the cup and pulling out his name. No one reads them till they have all drawn a name. Rosalie smiles at me knowingly. It was my idea to do this, but I asked her to orchestrate it because of her seductive and persuasive way of doing things. Edward is next to draw a name, followed by Emmett, Jacob, and last is Jasper. All of us girls wait in excitement to see who we will go home with tonight. Even Kate is on edge.

I know by the hungry looks on most of the guys face that they are praying they have me, the old curiosity; I am exotic to them. Jasper reads his name first and gets Tanya, the ice princess. He is in for a fun filled night. He frowns slightly when she is not looking. She is pretty enough, but lacks enthusiasm in anything which makes her unappealing but who knows? She could end up letting go and being wild.

Next to read is Jacob who draws Rosalie. She is going to have fun corrupting him I am sure. Emmett reads his and I know he has me before he even says it, his face lights up and he does a sort of victory dance before announcing my name politely. All the guys eye him jealously, and James reads out his name which is Alice who bounces happily into his arms.

Lastly Edward says his name although we know he has Irina. Next week Irina goes to Jasper, Tanya goes to Jacob, Rosalie goes to Emmett and I will go to James and Alice will be with Edward. The rotation will continue in that order.

Emmett has already taken up post at my side and is molesting me quite obviously. I let him. This is supposed to be fun is it not? Edward looks like he has recovered just fine from last weekend. He is a little paler than normal, but other than that he still looks amazing. He has been giving me sorrow filled glances since he entered the room but I ignore them, refusing to feel guilt.

In a few weeks I shall be his and he can mourn all he wants then. I do feel a twinge of sadness as I let myself be pulled away by Emmett who is after all his brother, but I try my best to put away any feelings that I have for Edward and enjoy myself.

"I can't believe I get you first! Did you see all their faces? They wanted you." Emmett rattles excitedly. He is such a big man. His body covered in rope after rope of muscle, he looks sculpted from marble. He is handsome enough too, dark hair, bright smile. Emmett is a man through and through, his hands are rough and calloused and his grip is strong when he pulls me to him to dance. He is solid. I feel like teasing so I whisper in his ear as we dance.

"Emmett, I do hope you know how to punish. I have been very bad these past few weeks and only a firm hand will do." I say letting my warm breath linger in his ear and then giggle despite my attempt to be seriously seductive.

"Believe me; I will punish you all right. After I am done with you I'd be surprised if you could walk without limping." He says back, not bothering to whisper. I laugh uncontrollably.

James who is dancing provocatively with Alice, hears this and turns and grins. I scan the room to see how everyone is fairing with their temporary partners. Rosalie and Jacob are nowhere to be found, I suppose she wasn't kidding about wanting someone now.

Irina is sitting on the bar being fed cocktail cherries by Edward, which sends the tiniest pang of jealousy through me. To my surprise I see Jasper and Tanya in a dark booth in the corner kissing passionately, and then I see her disappear beneath the table. Jasper's head falls back as she works the magic I didn't know she had. I raise an eyebrow at Alice and she looks over at Jasper and Tanya and shrugs.

Returning my attention to Emmett I rest my head on his shoulder and bite gently at his neck. His breathing quickens so I lick and suck and bite until angry red marks appear, this pleases me. He returns the favor pushing me against a wall roughly he sucks at my throat and the sting of it brings a flood of wetness between my legs. Tonight I will have my pain, deliciously exquisite pain. My breathing comes out in ragged gasps as Emmett continues to bite and nibble at me.

We are dancing again, but my arousal is so intense I want to tear my clothes off here and now. I can feel Emmett's excitement pressed into my stomach as we dance and I cannot wait for us to be alone. He seems to have the same mindset.

"Bella I can't wait anymore. I want you so badly I might come if we dance any closer. Let's get out of here." Emmett whispers, showing an uncharacteristic display of tact. I nod an agreement and he pulls me to the door and to a cab.

In the cab he kisses me hard, bruising my lips as his tongue explored the inside of my mouth. Emmett's rough hands slide up and down my thighs and then under my dress to stroke the front of my panties.

I reach my hand over to his lap and rub the bulge that is evident there through his jeans. I spy the cab driver watching us from the rearview mirror but the thought of being watched as I am touched is all the more arousing.

We arrive at his apartment which he shares with James, and he tosses a couple of twenties to the driver and lifts me off my feet and my legs settle around his waist, my body pressed against the tight plain that is his stomach.

He kisses me all the way up to his floor in the elevator, before I know it we are in his apartment and he is kicking the door closed behind him.

Carried to his room he deposits me unceremoniously unto the bed and starts to strip off his clothing and I do the same, one of my stiletto heels has fallen off somewhere so I kick the other one off as I unfasten my bra and toss it to the floor with my dress and panties.

Both of us are now naked and Emmett takes a moment to admire the beauty that is me, naked and wanting. He is a wonder to behold naked, muscle covers every inch of him, and a light dusting of black hair covers the plain of his belly down to his manhood, where he stands long and erect. He is in a word, huge. For a moment I am afraid of what that part of him will do to me, but it also causes an unintentional flood of excitement between my legs at the thought of him hurting me, stretching and bruising my tender flesh as no one else would.

The look in his eyes as he crawls the bed is hungry like that of an animal about to feast. I expect him to enter me straightaway, but he instead stops and puts his head between my legs, spreading them wide and begins to lap at me.

I scream out loudly unable to control myself. A man has never done this to me.

Two fingers slip inside my folds as he continues to lick, adding small bites here and there. He notes that I like it when he bites me.

Seeing me wither in pleasure as I am caught in the moment, he bites down hard on my inner thigh and I am pushed over the edge. As I stop shaking he positions himself between my legs and I feel the massive head of him demand entrance. He does not quite fit and he has to force his length in and this does cause pain but I revel in it as I spasm beneath him in anticipation of his full power.

He thrusts carelessly the last of his length and I bite into his shoulder and then his nipple and he pounds into me bruising the flesh of my sex.

He kisses me hard, opening my mouth wide until my jaw aches.

He turns us both over and I am now straddling him and he has one hand squeezing my breast so hard that it has gone numb and the other rubbing the front of my sex finding that tiny spot of pleasure as I ride him, slamming down as hard as I can. He releases my breast and begins to spank me hard on my bottom, squeezing and spreading the cheeks as he did.

Unable to stand one position for long he pulls out of me for a moment and flips me to my stomach and enters me deeply from behind and I chant his name as he beats himself into me, his balls slapping against my sore neither lips. He continues to spank me and I moan.

"You like when I spank you don't you, you dirty little girl?" He moans pulling my hair then reaches around and grabs my breasts again. I moan in response. He pulls out again and I want to cry for the loss of him inside me.

My body wants him bad.

"You want my cock don't you? Tell me you want it you little whore!" He growls and I beg for his cock. On my back again he slowly enters this time, being gentle, taunting me.

"Oh god Emmett, that feels so good! Please hurt me, I want it hard so bad." I scream and he smiles at my desperation. He slams in again pounding me mercilessly, stretching my legs so far apart that my knees cage either side of my head. He pulls out and slaps the front of my sex leaving it red and stinging and wet for more. He pinches the lips hard and when I am sufficiently sore he is back inside me grinding.

"Oh fuck, I am going to come soon, you almost there Clovia baby?" He asks pinching and biting anywhere he can as I claw his back with my nails and pull at his hair as hard as I can. I nod and we are both pushed over the edge and I spasm over and over again beneath him. He collapses atop me breathing hard and unevenly, then pulls out and rolls off me.

We fall asleep almost immediately; the last thing I see is the clock that reads 4:30 am.


	6. Chapter 6

**Bella**

"Well, well what have we here?" I hear a familiar voice ask.

I look up from Emmett's chest where I was sleeping and see Alice and James standing in the doorway.

"A man can't have privacy in his own room?" Emmett asks sitting up groggily.

"No, not really. We could hardly get busy last night with all your screams and cries." Alice says collapsing onto the bed, where Emmett and I are still naked.

"You guys must have had a good time." James says smiling down at me and I realized that most of my breast is exposed and it is red and blotchy.

Alice takes note of the welts and yanks the covers off of me unashamed as is her way, revealing more bruises at my hips and thighs.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like you were in a car accident!" Alice demands.

I suppress a grin, recalling the soreness I had the first time with Edward, which is nothing compared to this exquisite ache.

"The lady likes it rough, what can I say?" Emmett says smiling.

Alice pulls the covers from him as well and sees the bruises, bite marks and scratches along his chest and shoulders.

"Well I guess you guys kicked each other's asses, didn't you?" Alice states shrugging. We simply smile.

"So how was your night?" I ask.

"Well nothing as crazy as you two but I can't complain. Best time I've had in quite a while." James said lighting a smoke.

"Asshole, what did I tell you about smoking in the house? Put that shit out." Emmett scolds.

"My bad man, Nothing like a smoke after a damn good night." James amends.

"Hey, well I have got to go. Alice help me find my clothes?" I ask wrapping myself tightly in a sheet as James's eyes are still on me.

"Yeah, I think those are your panties on the coffee table." Alice says handing me the small scrap of lace.

"Thanks." I say and turn to leave the room trying not to blush.

"I get you next week; you think you had fun with Emmett you just wait." James said mischievously. I smile at him and go into the bathroom with Alice to get dressed. His words for some reason chill me, and at the same time exhilarate me. I see in his eyes the thrill of the hunt, that he will hurt me, and not just by being rough, but I don't fear it, I look forward to it.

The pain makes me forget when I am killing the old me.

After we changed and showered at Alice's place, she and I met Rosalie for lunch.

"So he tied me to the bed and came on me, but nothing unbearable." Alice said sipping her margarita.

Rosalie had already finished one margarita, and was waiting for another.

"Dude it is like barely noon and your drinking? Good idea, waiter? I will take a margarita as well." I say and the waiter nods and disappears.

"Did it bother you being tied up? Weren't you scared he would hurt you?" I ask nibbling at my steak.

"I like being tied up!" Rosalie adds.

"We know!" I retort.

"Uh, I guess I didn't think of being scared, I was just enjoying the moment, it feels kind of cool being so helpless you know?" Alice says stuffing a big fork full of chicken into her mouth.

"Yeah, it felt so good knowing that Emmett could split me in two if he wanted, I had such fun!" I said.

"The things I am going to do to that man! Ooh I can't wait. So he was good?" Rosalie asks expectantly.

"He was awesome." I reply.

"You should have been there, you could hear their screams from across the apartment. Hey are you sure you're okay? You have an awful lot of bruises, that's pretty rough." Alice asked me, concerned.

"Awe! You do care! No, I didn't even realize we were being so rough honestly. We just got caught in the moment." I lied. No one really knew how much I truly craved pain during sex.

She nodded, believing the lie easily.

"I wonder how Jasper's night was with Tanya. Wonder if she just laid there while he boned her." Alice said laughing. Rosalie choked a little on her drink.

"Oh I think she is more of a little whore than she seems, I spotted her giving him a blow-job at the club, so she's not as pure as she pretends." I said.

"Yeah? I knew it! The little fake ass skank. Why do we even keep her around? She is such a pain in the fucking ass." Alice said chugging the last of her drink.

"The only reason we put up with her is because Rosalie and her were best friends when they were babies or some shit right?" I ask taking a big chug of my drink as the waiter leaves.

"Something like that. I just feel bad if I don't let her hang out with us you know?" Rosalie explains.

"Yeah, we get it. Hopefully she will lighten up." I added.

"I think she will." Rosalie says.

"Oh yeah, hey so I get Edward next week." Alice said meaningfully.

"And?" I say carefully.

"You know what I mean. You going to be okay when all this is done? There is no going back you know." Alice says seriously. She has a habit of doing that, getting serious very suddenly.

"Don't worry about me, I will be fine okay? Edward has not been in my thoughts much lately anyhow." I lie again. Rosalie gave me the look again. Like she could see right through my bullshit.

"Really? So why don't you tell me what all that shit was a few weeks ago with Jasper hitting him. What the hell was going on in the closet?" Alice asks narrowing her eyes, she will know if I lie right now, she has turned on the radar.

"Oh yeah! You must tell us right now! You said you would." Rosalie said.

I hesitate.

"You promised!" Rosalie whines uncharacteristically. I don't want to say what Edward did, not because it is hard for me but because I don't want them to think badly of him.

"Alice, Rosalie, if I tell you guys please promise you will keep an open mind and understand how I feel about this okay? And you can't ever tell another soul." I ask and they nod in agreement. Alice pays the check and the three of us walk through the park.

"So… spit it out missy." Alice says taking my hand as we walk. We look like a couple and for a moment the idea is pleasant. No problems, no jealousy, just love and hot sex.

Ah, but I am sure I would miss the parts that she does not possess.

Settling under a tree in the grass I tell them about the moment with Jasper and I in the closet and how Edward walked in.

"Edward acted really strange and I could tell he was high and drunk already, then Jasper left for a minute and Edward pounced. Before I knew what was happening, he was inside me and I liked it. Even though he was forcing me, I came." I said looking down a little embarrassed.

"So he raped you and you liked it? Not really rape then huh?" Alice said lightly.

"Exactly!" I said so glad that she saw my side.

"No, its still rape whether you came or not. You cannot help being aroused even when your forced. I should know." Rosalie insisted.

"Oh Rosalie, its not the same as what happened to you. It wasn't a horrible and brutal thing. It wasn't a cruel invasion." I said softly, trying to explain to her.

She was raped when she was seventeen by a few college guys who hurt her pretty badly. They beat her and left her pretty much for dead. She told me about one night.

"Being forced is being forced." Rosalie said quietly. I hug her tightly.

"I cannot see it like that Rosalie. I just can't. You both know how it is with me and him. I try to hide it but you know." I explained.

"Yeah we know, and I guess if its ok with you, it will be ok with me." Rosalie concluded sighing.

"Yeah, same here. But I mean, he is a dick for doing that. He didn't know you would like it, but I understand why your not super upset. Have you talked to Edward since?" Alice asked.

"Not since our little chat after Jasper hit him. I am kinda giving him the silent treatment for now, teaching him a lesson you know? But I am sure he will insist we talk some more when it is his turn with me." I say rolling my eyes.

"Oh boy that sounds like a fun filled night." Rosalie says.

"Well babes I got to go, stuff needs to be waxed, and toes aren't going to polish themselves, so totally busy." Alice says kissing my cheek then Rosalie's before she skipped off.

"You know I will always listen if you want to talk though right?" Rosalie asked.

"I know Rosalie, and I am thankful for that." I said. "Okay then girlie, I got to run some errands, but I will see you later." Rosalie said before squeezing my hand then leaving in the opposite direction of Alice. Leaving me alone. I hate to be alone sometimes, mostly when I have serious things to think about.

I don't want to go home and relive in my head, the night with Edward in the closet. It would bring about pain that wasn't so enjoyable. Because I would then start thinking of all the things that I miss and things that have gone wrong in my life. I used to live alone and never think twice about it. Edward sort of ruined me.

I could go home and take some pills and go right to sleep. But I don't want to do it. Couldn't just go home and wallow in sorrow of supposed love lost and drown everything out with pills. I call Jasper instead.

"Hey there cowboy!" I purr into the phone.

"Bella darling! How are you this…uh, I actually don't know what time or day it is." Jasper said groggily but still cheerfully into the phone.

"Well it is Sunday and nearly one in the afternoon, so I say you get your butt up and come have coffee with me in an hour." I say.

"Sure sugar, I will meet you in an hour then." Jasper replies and I hang up after telling him where to meet me.

Coffee is uneventful as we quickly end up at Jasper's place.

I didn't call him with the intention of coming back to his place for sex but I guess it would be naïve of me to think otherwise. Moments after settling on his couch, his lips are on mine.

"I thought last night would cool my need for you Bella, but it just made me want you more." Jasper panted as his hands searched for the clasp to my bra.

"Oh? Was Tanya that bad?" I giggle as he pinches my nipple and it feels like he is scolding me.

"She was pretty good actually but nothing compared to you. Being inside you Bella is like being in heaven." Jasper responds starting to strip off his clothes as well.

"So where did you guys fuck? Here? Or at her place?" I ask.

"Her place, then I left at like 4am. Didn't really want to experience that whole morning after event with her." Jasper explained.

"Neither would I." I said laughing as Jasper began to kiss his way down my stomach.

"Whoa! Where the hell did you get all these bruises?" He asks pulling back from my stomach.

"Uh, from my night with Emmett." I state simply.

"What did he do, drop you down the stairs?" He asks incredulously.

"No, are you going to interrogate me all day or fuck me?" I ask bluntly

I feel the familiar ache between my legs.

"Sorry, no more questions." He says and starts to pull my panties off.

I can't wait for him to be inside me, grunting and grinding, making me forget everything if only for a few moments. I reach between his legs and massage his already hard erection through his boxers. He moans deeply. The sound of his pleasure makes me wet. I spread my legs for him and he presses his boxer clad erection against my clit and rocks gently back and forth.

"Jasper, I need you now. Please just fuck me now!" I cry out as the friction of what he is doing has me going crazy for more. Without hesitation, he pulls himself free of his boxers and he plunges into me deeply and I feel whole for a second.

"Oh fuck Bella, I can't believe how tight you are! You feel so good." Jasper pants as he begins thrusting harder and harder, forcing more and more of his length inside me. I lift my legs and wrap them tightly round his waist as he finds a rhythm inside me.

Within moments we are both pushed over the edge and I am holding on to Jasper for dear life as he releases inside me.

"Fuck, I can never last with you Bella. You turn me on so fast." Jasper pants, collapsing on top of me.

"Sometimes you just need it to be fast, don't you think?" I ask.

"Yeah that's true. There are times for doing it slow and times for doing it fast." Jasper admits. The slightly erratic beating of Jasper's heart is soothing to me. No drugs, no alcohol, but soon I am falling fast asleep cuddled close to Jasper.

"Bella, it's uh Edward. Please give me a call. I've been meaning to talk with you love. I just wanted to tell you…Well, you know. I am sorry and all that. I had some really great speeches planned but I always did choke when it came to you. So uh, just please give me a call." Beep.

Edward had left about five messages this week alone. I have already had my night with James and I guess Edward is panicking now that it is his turn with me. James is to say the least a freak. The things he did to me, were maniacal to say the least. Things no one should ever have done to them, and sickly enough, I enjoyed some of it. I had to stay in bed the whole of the next day from aching and pure exhaustion.

For five hours straight we did every and all things sexual. We took too many pills to count and chased them all with tequila. He caught on that I liked a little pain a bit, so he denied me. At first he was maddeningly gentle, he bound me with scarves and comforted me with pillows. He was in a way a sadist. He got gratification from my pain, even if the pain is in denying me pain. He created games of torture, binding my entire body so that I could not thrash, he slowly licked every inch of me. He would bring me close to the edge and then cease touching me, so that I could not come.

He wanted so badly to spank me, I could see it in his eyes, but he didn't want me to have gratification of any kind. He was a master of control, everything had to be his way. When I cried that I didn't want to do it anymore he gagged me and unbeknownst to him, did arouse me greatly. Bleary from the pills and the alcohol, time passed differently.

He came in me more times than I can count, my body slick with sweat coating me. He fucked me so slow I thought I would die, the thrusts so smooth and careful I screamed beneath my gag.

Towards the end he became frustrated when he could no longer get hard without physical punishment, so he untied me and laid me across the bed on my stomach and began to smack me lightly with a soft leather belt. I moaned in relief.

He progressively began to hit harder and harder. It didn't really hurt much because my body had become so numb by then.

"I know you like a little pain you whore but I am going to really hurt you." He said in my ear and hit me with his bare hand harder than I'd ever been hit, on my bottom, thighs between my legs. Anywhere he could as I bucked beneath him, he mounted me by pulling my hair back hard straining my neck.

It was not fun anymore, I felt true fear as I felt the tip of him at my entrance. I knew it was the pills making him act this way but my buzz was starting to wear off a bit and I could feel the smacks he was delivering and they stung. I flailed and screamed out once very loudly before he clamped his hand to my mouth. When he entered me I felt split in two. The angle was all wrong, and I could feel him stretching and nearly ripping me from the force he was using. I thought I would not make it for the pain. But was at the same time I could feel my climax building, my body was now used to the pain coming with the pleasure.

Blessedly he came quickly after me, crushing my breasts from behind as he did releasing my mouth, I sobbed out loud embarrassed that this was my reaction to his abuse and in his ecstasy did not notice as I came hard right after him. My body was racked with tremors from my uncontrolled orgasm. He pulled out and collapsed on my back.

"You know how badly I've wanted you? You are mine now." He seethed into my ear holding me face down into the pillows where it became hard to breath. I didn't even realize I was being deprived of air, as exhausted as I was.

I felt myself fading away, then I heard voices.

"James man what the fuck are you doing? Get off of her!" Emmett yells pulling James off of me, and I hear Rosalie cussing saying something about James being sick and I open my eyes. Rosalie helps me to my feet and takes me to the bathroom in Emmett's room. I can hear Emmett yelling at James, and James making some lame ass excuse.

"Hey are you okay? Oh shit your bleeding, lets get you into the tub okay?" Rosalie says drawing me a bath. Somehow I cannot find it in me to blame James. I feel like it is my nature to bring out the bad in people.

"What the fuck was he thinking? Why didn't you call for us?" Rosalie asked as I sat in the hot water.

"He covered my mouth, and before that he wasn't that rough. I just-I don't know. Don't say anything okay? He got carried away you know? It's not his fault." I said.

"I cannot believe what I am hearing, that fucker almost smothered you to death and here you are asking me to forget about it?" Rosalie asked in disbelief.

"Yes, you know he is not like that. He never pulled that shit with any one else. It is me. It was an accident. I bring out the worst in men. Please, go talk to Emmett before he does something reckless." I plead.

"Yeah okay, but watch when I get him next week I am going to tear him up. He's going to know what its like to be fucked when I am through with him." Rosalie promised as she left the bathroom. A couple minutes later James knocked on the bathroom door and I let him in.

"Hey I am so fucking sorry, you know I don't even like being rough, but something made me lose control, I had a few pills before I think that made me react badly. I am really sorry I hope your okay and I didn't hurt you too bad." James stammered through a tear streaked face.

"It's alright, we've all tripped before. But I don't think I will be doing that again, no offense." I said drying myself with a towel. He nodded solemnly and left. I began dressing carefully as Rosalie returned with Emmett.

"Bella what the hell was that?" Emmett demanded. He looked different as he stood face to face with me. His face was creased with worry. He was afraid for me.

"I'm sorry Emmett, I really don't know what happened. We just got a little out of hand is all, ok?" I said.

"No, you can't just leave it at that. Promise me Bella that you won't ever let someone hurt you like that again. I know James was high and all but still, no one should ever have to do something against there will." Emmett explained.

I wanted to cry. Emmett truly cared about what happened to me. I wonder if Riley had told him about what happened to her.

I looked to Rosalie and her face was unreadable, but she was looking at Emmett like he was the most interesting creature on the planet.

"So you are gonna sleep in my bed with Rosalie tonight and I will sleep in the guest bedroom." Emmett stated. He did not want me to be alone and was willing to give up the rest of his night with Rosalie for my well being.

"No, its okay. I think I would rather just go home and rest. You guys enjoy the rest of your night. I will call a cab." I insisted.

"Bella no, your staying." Emmett said sternly. I shook my head. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone in my apartment. I wanted to feel sorry for myself for a little while.

"I already called a cab guys, I am going home. I will see you both tomorrow okay?" I asked. They both looked resigned and nodded.

"We will walk you out to the cab then." Rosalie said.

"Okay." I shrugged.

My cab arrived within minutes and I watched as Emmett and Rosalie began to fade away into the night as I was driven home. My apartment was freezing as I crawled into bed and snuggled under the covers. As I slipped into sleep the same face that I saw nearly every night floated in my head. Edward.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Thanks again for reading and if you have a second, shoot me a review and let me know what you think.**_

I choose my outfit for tonight meticulously. A black slinky skirt that barely reaches mid-thigh and a leather bustier corset paired with thigh high stiletto boots and I am on fire. My hair is down and in wavy disarray, the way Edward always liked it. My phone vibrates and it is Rosalie telling me to get my ass downstairs and into the cab she is holding for us.

"Whoa, looking hot! I kind of want a night with you mama!" Rosalie says smacking me on the ass.

"Anytime babe!" I reply as I jump into the cab and she follows.

"So I got a special toy just for punishing James tonight!" Rosalie exclaims excitedly.

"Oh? And what might this toy be?" I ask. Rosalie opens her purse to reveal an eight inch vibrator.

"Oh my gosh! Your going to kill him! You better tell me how it goes okay?" I demand.

"Of course, I might even take a few pictures for my own scrap book." Rosalie says happily.

"You'll have to show me this scrapbook sometime dear." I laugh. We arrive within minutes and everyone is already here. My eyes scan the room for Edward and I spot him at the bar, dressed for success. He is wearing all my favorites, the thin heather gray t-shirt that's frayed around the seams, that I find so sexy and his worn dark denim jeans paired with his bad boy boots.

Jacob greets me and gives me a full body check, admiring my outfit.

"Oh man, those boots are fucking hot! When I get my turn with you I want you in those boots and nothing else!" He exclaims

"Down boy." I whisper as Edward takes notice of my arrival and makes his way over eyes wide. Jacob moves along to Irina who is his for the night.

Edward stands in front of me staring with his mouth ajar. His eyes seem to have trouble deciding where to look, at my luscious breasts set out beautifully with the corset or my round ass ready for the grabbing in a the tight mini skirt.

"You look mouth watering." Edward finally manages.

"Back at you sexy." I say playfully, pretending he is just another hot guy, not the guy I love with my whole heart. He gathers me roughly into his arms and kisses gently at my neck as he twirls me around.

As we dance and I feel the throb between my legs. I want him. I want to taste him in my mouth. My breathing is already becoming erratic.

"Edward lets go have a seat okay?" I ask and he leads me without hesitation to a dark corner. My skin is tingling non stop just being near him.

I feel like I am doing something illegal being with him. Like I am breaking a rule or something, maybe a rule to myself. I don't care, he is mine without questions tonight. We get our drinks and I take a sip. He licks his lips after he has a drink. I want to nibble those lips all night. I lean over and kiss him deeply and my hand massages that growing part of him.

He cannot help his reaction to me anymore than I can to him. We are magnets. We can fight and fight, but we always slam right back into each other in the end. I break our kiss and kneel under the table. I open his jeans and reach into his boxers.

"Bella!" He hisses at me glancing around nervously, but makes no move to stop me. He is hard and appetizing. I have to have a taste.

I lap at him gently then I take him deep into my mouth and suck.

He tastes so good. Manly and hot. He moans softly and I cup his balls in my hand and massage them as I suck him back and forth as deep as I can.

I feel his body tensing and I know he is about to come. I take him deep once more and hold him there sucking hard as he empties himself in my mouth.

I swallow and continue to suck him dry. My body is aching for him, pussy dripping wet for him.

"Oh Edward I need to you soo badly!" I cry softly in his ear as I come back up from beneath the table. I nibble at his throat and his breath in my hair sends shivers down my spine. I bite teasingly. He moans and is hard again.

"I've dreamt of this." He whispers

"Anyone else it was still you I saw. Now I have you for the night. I am going to fuck you till dawn." Edward pants. I can no longer wait. I stand up, wiggle my panties down, and sit on his lap. Reaching down I grab his cock and rub it back and forth across my wet pussy, spreading the wetness. Then I position him where I need him and sink down on his pulsing cock. He moans but is trying to act normal, so any one looking at us will just think that I am sitting on his lap, nothing going on. I grab his hands a move them to my breasts which are heavy and sensitive for his touch. He tilts his hips slightly forward and it is perfect. I want to scream it feels so good. Just so very right.

He belongs inside me. I come within seconds but I am ready right away to bring him down. I bounce gently rocking back and forth.

A waiter comes over and asks if we need anything, I laugh and say no and he leaves. Edward is grunting behind me and I know he is almost there.

I rock faster and I feel him swell inside me, then spurts hotly inside me making me come right after him. We are both hot and flushed, but somehow energetic and ready for more.

I slide off him and pull my panties up, he buckles his pants and we head back to the dance floor feeling more aroused then before.

"Your going to be the death of me you know." Edward say as I grind against him bending forward to give him a peek of my ass.

"Oh don't go dying on me yet, we have a long night ahead of us baby." I say as he runs a hand over my breast. I gaze around the room and notice Jasper's eyes on me even though he has his tongue in Alice's mouth.

Alice breaks the kiss and turns around and meets my eye and waves me over.

Edward and I meet her at the bar as I pop two Percocets and chase them with straight vodka. Edward smiles down at me his lips nice and red from my biting them. Alice is already pretty fucked up when she kisses me in greeting, but exaggerates the kiss for the boys benefit.

"Hey babe, I have the best idea ever. You, Edward and Jasper and myself of course should have a ah- shared experience." Alice says smiling brilliantly. My body tingles at the thought. Jasper and Edward…In the same room having sex? I cannot say no if I wanted to.

"Jasper said he is down, anything involving you he is in." Alice says easily.

"So what do you say Edward?" Alice asks. She knows I am down already.

"Uh, yeah sure. Who's place?" Edward asks, though I can see that he wanted to have me to himself he can't pass up the opportunity to share me with two others.

"My place I think." Alice says.

"Okay then sweet cheeks, in about two hours we will meet you at your place." Edward says determined to have a say in how the night goes.

"Deal, see you then." Alice says. Edward drags me back to the floor and we dance some more but all I can think of is Edward naked, inside me. An hour flies by and I head to the ladies room before Edward and I leave. Tanya enters the powder room right after me.

"Hey uh Bella?" She asks tentatively

"Yeah?" I answer as I finish up. Washing my hands she stares at me intently.

"Uh, see? I can't even remember what I wanted to ask you!" She laughs drunkenly stumbling closer to me, she takes my hand. I remain quiet, not knowing where this is going.

Tanya leads me to a stall and in confusion I follow her. Locking the latch she immediately pushes me to the wall and kisses me. I am so taken by surprise I have no idea how to react. I have no problem with her, she is even kind of cute, just a little annoying most of the time. Her hands squeeze my breasts as she continues kissing me and I reluctantly kiss her back hoping Edward will be patient. Breaking the kiss finally Tanya speaks frantically.

"Sorry Bella its just that you looked so sexy tonight, I couldn't help it. Please will you let me touch you? I watched you and Edward fucking in the corner and it made me so horny." She said pushing me back against the stall wall. I let her hands roam my body. Why not? What harm can it do. It feels nice. She gently slides three slender fingers into me and pulls at my top to lick at a breast while she does. My breathing picks up and she goes faster.

"Oh Bella your so beautiful, just like I knew you would be. I would love to have a threesome with you Bella!"

"Yeah. Oh that would be good!" Her other hand is furiously rubbing her own clit as her other fingers continue their thrusting inside me. One more thrust and I come again and she moans as she bite my nipple and I know she has come too. I straighten my skirt and top.

"Whew! Well that was fun but Edward is waiting for me. But we will definitely have to have that threesome soon." I say leaving the bathroom quickly.

"Hey! What took you so long? You feeling okay?" Edward asks concerned as I look a bit flushed.

"Yes, I just had a little girl time. Tanya decided to surprise me by molesting me." I say unashamed.

"Oh and I missed it? Damn." He says. We both laugh as we head out.

The ride to Alice's is short and we are in the elevator before we know it.

It is empty, which for Edward is a go sign. He takes my hand and slides it into his pants and I grab hold and massage. Too soon we are at Alice's door and my hand reluctantly leaves his cock. His eyes never leave me as we are welcomed into Alice's apartment.

She is scantily clad and has apparently started without us. Jasper is sprawled on the couch covered in sweat in just his boxers which seem to be hastily pulled up.

"We were just warming up." Alice says flushed, nodding guiltily towards Jasper.

"Some warm up." I say closing the door behind me. I lead Edward to the couch directly across from Alice and Jasper and start to peel his clothes off.

Alice sits on Jasper's lap and rocks back and forth slowly as he rubs her clit gently through the sheer fabric of her chemise.

Both of their eyes are locked on me as Edward starts to undress me slowly. He is naked except for his briefs and evidently hard. He makes a show of taking off every garment. When I am in just underwear and bra Edward uses his mouth to remove the rest. Licking each nipple till they stand erect. I am on fire. I want everyone to touch me. I position Edward on the floor in a sitting position and sit on his lap. I beckon over Alice and Jasper and they do the same so that Alice and I are facing and I can see Jasper as he enters her.

I move closer to her and lave her breasts as Edward finds his way inside me. Both men are now thrusting roughly into each of us and we are kissing madly. I am so wet and slick that he slides in and out without resistance. Jasper makes eye contact with me and begins to fuck Alice even rougher as if for my benefit. I can feel each thrust as Alice rocks into me moaning.

Possessively Edward clutches me round the waist and holds tight to one of my breasts. He and Jasper are in competition now. Who can fuck harder. Edward wants Jasper to know that I belong to him. I like the idea. Alice is now slamming into me roughly as Jasper pounds her angrily and I can only imagine the sweet agony she must be in as her forehead creases and her eyes are half closed in pleasure.

I am ready to come any minute and Edward speeds up feeling me shake.

Jasper pushes Alice forward so that she would almost be on all fours if I was not in front of her. He is nearly face to face with me now as Alice rests her head on my shoulder. His ice blue eyes burn into mine.

Alice is coming and Jasper keeps his eyes on me as he comes inside her. I feel Edward's warm breath on my neck and my eyes flutter closed. I am lost in the sensation of Edward. His slick body sliding against mine. Both Alice and Jasper are watching us intently now, their eyes bare into me.

It's a unique feeling, bordering on bizarre having someone watch you in your most intimate moments. It is also the biggest turn on ever. We both reach our peak.

_**Edward**_

I see the look in Jasper's eyes as he watches Bella. He thinks she is his. He thinks that he can take what is mine. Bella and I are undeniably connected. No one can break that. We will always come back to one another. Tonight I think proves just how we are meant to be. We are so at ease with each other. As thrust into her over and over again it is my claim that I am staking. 'Look' I say with ever movement. 'Look at what will always be mine.'

I know it is terribly wrong of me to feel this…animalistic with her, but she brings it out in me. The beast in me howls with delight when I am inside her, possessing her body and soul. She is mine.

Jasper locks eyes with Bella as he comes in Alice. Suddenly I hate the fact that I have to share this with anyone else. My momentary anger subsides as I feel Bella start to tense, and we both climax. Her lithe form collapses back against me and both my arms enclose her and plant kisses down her neck and jaw. Jasper's eyes never leave us.

_**Jasper**_

I can barely breath watching Bella with Edward. How she can act so natural with him after all the things he has done to her baffles me. She glows from within as Edward pushes inside her. Her cheeks flush and her eyes glaze over a bit, eyelashes fluttering as her eyelids open and close languidly. I am buried deep inside Alice and she feels amazingly tight, her tiny frame looks incapable of taking my full length, but she sinks down onto me entirely a deep moan escapes her throat. Alice is gorgeous, passionate and unafraid of anything but I cannot take my eyes from Bella. She is the epitome of what I have always wanted.

Beautiful, smart, touches of innocence even when she is being seductive. That lovely blush that fills her cheeks at the slightest provocation.

She seems vulnerable, even though she is independent and strong. Something happened to her. Something. A girl like her shouldn't be here now, doing this.

Letting us men take from her what we want. Giving herself over so easily, to me that says that she's broken, something happened to her.

Something made her doubt herself. Makes her second guess things, even if its fleeting. I want to blame Edward, demand to know what he did to make her this way but when I see them moving together so in sync…well I am back to square one. Whatever made her this way, it goes deeper than Edward. I see that now. He was simply the catalyst to something that had been brewing for a long long time now.

I catch the look in her eyes when we are alone together. She just wants to be held, she would never say it, she would never ask for all that must have been denied to her for god knows how long, but she needs it. Craves it to her very core, but would never ever ask. When no one else is around, she just wants to be loved.

I don't think that Edward is capable of giving her the things she needs, he cannot love her the way she needs to be, he loves only himself. He wants her for selfish reasons. He wants her to satisfy his hungers, the burning in his own body, not to satisfy her. I would live everyday just to satisfy her.

Everything for her. Anything she wanted I would she would never take it. Not from me at least.

As I finish inside Alice, I watch Bella turn and look into Edward's eyes for a moment. They are both shivering from the force of the orgasm they just experienced. The look they give each other is what slices me. Like they are the only two people on the planet. I don't know if I have ever shared such an intimate moment with anyone, let alone with two other people present.

Alice lifts herself off of me and skips naked to the kitchen.

I force myself to look away from Bella and Edward. When did this happen to me? When did these feelings I had for her turn into this? I liked her, true. Now I am consumed by her.

Despite Edward's grip on her body, she does something unexpected.

She leans forward across my naked lap and places a small kiss on my lips. I feel it through my whole body. I can't help it. I look to Edward. His jaw is set and his face is expressionless. I smile. I am satisfied by his reaction, then disgusted with myself. This is supposed to be my best friend in the whole world. We have known each since we were children. And now here I am gloating. Nothing is ever simple.

_**Bella**_

I am no where near tired when me and Edward finish, so I lean over and kiss Jasper. In part it is because I simply couldn't help it. His lips are red and look ready to bite and I am greedy. I want everyone. But also, it's Edward. He has to know that I am not his anymore. The whole possessive show was hot, but its false. He has no claim to me. Not anymore. The feeling should be liberating.

Instead I feel like I am being deprived of something yet again. I am depriving myself this time, for my own good. If it is for my own good, why does it feel like I am cutting off a limb every time I separate myself from him? I wish I could stop it. This awful feeling that I am making a mistake when I hurt him.

I push it from my mind. Jasper is very distracting…

Hours later as we lay exhausted, I am still awake. Edward is holding me close and I let him. I need it just as much. The closeness, the contact.

It comforts me when I am not even aware that I need comforting.

"I love you Bella, always." Edward whispers and I squeeze my eyes shut and pretend I am asleep. What good would it do to say it back? But I do feel it. With my whole soul I feel it. I love you too, I say in my head. To weak or to stubborn or to scared to say it aloud.

Alice wakes us all with breakfast and I borrow some of Jasper's clothes to shower. Edward smiles at me when I join them at the table. He smiles like we are sharing a secret. Are we? He notes that I am garbed in Jasper's sweatpants and shirt and frowns. I love the way the clothing smells. Safe and warm, like Jasper. Alice piles French toast onto out plates and we eat in silence, to hungry to say much.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Right where we left off…**_

"Hey Bella, me and Jasper are going to go and get some clothes for me and you, but after you want to go out on Jasper's boat?" Alice asks after we finish eating.

"Yeah okay." I agree, just to agree. I hate boats. I get seasick so easily.

Boats remind me of Charlie too. He loved to take the Yacht out for 'fishing' trips with me. I dreaded those trips. Renee would encourage me, tell me to go have fun with Daddy. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn't. We fished the first couple times and even swam.

But most of the time was dedicated to Charlie's sick little games. Dress up was a favorite of his. Daddy's little doll. When we would return home, Renee never asked a single question. Not one. She must have known.

Edward must have caught the far off look in my face, when Jasper and Alice left he took my hand.

"You okay?" He asked

"Fine, I just haven't been on a boat in a while." I lied.

"It will be okay, do you get seasick?" He asked genuinely concerned. I nod.

"Well Jasper's boat has a cabin with a room and all that where you can rest if your feeling sick so don't worry. We've spent so much time on that boat I know it like the back of my hand." Edward tried to reassure me. If only that were my concern.

"I'll be there." Edward repeated. For some reason when he said that, the look in his eyes brought me comfort. He would help me. As we arrived at the marina, ready for a day on the boat my nervousness started to kick in again.

Edward looked over at me questioningly. How could I explain? What would I say? I couldn't tell them I had a dislike for boats because my father had molested me on one…I would just have to stick it out.

Jasper and Edward gathered up all our supplies for the day while me and Alice went aboard to explore. My nervousness let up a bit as I realized that Jasper's boat was hardly like I imagined it.

My father's yacht had been like a floating home, complete with a captain and crew that turned a blind eye to the sicko they were serving.

Jasper's boat wasn't tiny, but it wasn't huge. Edward was right about it having a cabin, down a set of stairs that led to a little living room area with a small kitchenette to its right. To the left, a bathroom complete with a small shower and lastly a bedroom with two single beds with a nightstand separating them.

It felt very comforting and very suffocating at the same time. I dropped my stuff on the bed and went to the bathroom quickly, fearing I would throw up. Alice followed me and pushed into the small bathroom behind me.

"What's wrong Bella? I know there is something up. You've been acting weird since we mentioned coming on the boat." Alice said

"Its nothing, I just get seasick." I lied

"Bullshit, I get seasick too and you don't see me having a panic attack. Now the boys may be dumber than shit and not realize your freaking out but I am smarter and I know you a bit better." Alice said. I shook my head trying to dismiss her, I really couldn't handle her interrogations right now. It was getting a little hard to breath.

"Bella?" Alice asked. I gagged into the toilet, nothing came out. Images kept coming to my head. Charlie's face swimming through my vision.

Alice wet a towel and put it to my fore head and it calmed me a bit.

"Hey what are both of you guys doing in the bathroom? Were getting ready to set sail!" Jasper shouted on the other side of the door.

"Give us a minute or two k? Bella gets seasick." Alice answered.

"She okay? Do you need anything?" Jasper pressed, his voice concerned.

"No, just a couple minutes." Alice said and Jasper left.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong. I am your best friend and you can tell me anything. You know that right?" Alice said. Shit. I guess I should tell her.

_**Jasper**_

"Hey man, I think the girls are in the bathroom telling secrets!" I told Edward as we loaded the last of the things.

"Oh yeah? Secrets…What are you six? Wonder if they are talking about us?" Edward said

"Only one way to find out!" I say and he grins at me and I clap him on the shoulder.

Its good to be back on my boat with my best friend in the world. Lately the relationship between me and Edward has been pretty strained, but he is still the man I trust with my life, the guy who has had my back since we were five.

"Lets do this." Edward says and we sneak down stairs and silently press our ears to the bathroom door and we can hear every word of the conversation crystal clear, but what we hear is not what we expect. Bella crying. Still we listen on, unable to resist.

_**Bella**_

"Do you remember when we were friends, we were around seven or eight and I was never allowed to have sleep over's or allowed to stay the night anywhere?" I ask

"Yeah, I just thought you were one of those kids, the ones that just can't be away from home or wets the bed or something." Alice said.

"I wish. It was my dad. From the time I was six till he died when we were thirteen, he would do things to me Alice." I managed to say before choking. Alice rubbed my back soothingly. After I cleared my throat I continued.

"The first time he touched me was on his yacht. He would tell my mom we were going on fishing trips. The first time we went fishing, then the touching started. He would make me sit on his lap without underwear, later I would dress up in all these costumes he would buy. He would touch me, then he would show me how to touch him, to make daddy feel good. I was his little girl and he told me that this is how I could make daddy happy and love me more. When I refused him or cried he would hit me, or make me do humiliating things." I paused to take a deep breath.

"Your mom never knew?" Alice asked, tears in her eyes.

"I don't know. I never confronted her about it, but considering that she killed herself, I would say she knew. Also, she must have noticed as I got older he would visit my room at night, She must have noticed the bruises, she must have seen the way I withdrew from people." I answered. Alice shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe your mom! Both of them were there to love you, not hurt you and let you be hurt!" Alice said.

"I know. After Charlie died, she didn't know how to be around me. She must have felt guilty. Only three years later was when she killed herself. But she never said a word in apology. I never told on him. Alice, I have never told anyone about this. I should have told you a long time ago, but I have always been ashamed." I say

"Its okay Bella. Don't you feel ashamed. You know it wasn't your fault." Alice said

"Yeah I know. Most of the time it doesn't effect me, but small things like this trip will set me off." I said.

"What about sex? Does it ever come back to you when your having sex?" Alice asked

"Not really. Memories will flash into my head but they leave quickly. Its like you lot scare away some of the bad memories. Not all, but some. I used to have nightmares, then I moved in with Edward and they were minimal. Like when I lost my virginity, I was afraid for a minute that it was going to be awful, that I was going to feel all the things Charlie did to me but it wasn't like that. When Edward leaned down and kissed me before he pushed inside me, the fear vanished." I said remembering the perfect, yet un-perfect moment of my first time.

"Do you think its Edward that made the memories and nightmares go away?" Alice asked

"I think he did, that's why it is still a bit hard for me to let him go sometimes." I admitted.

"Do we help too?" Alice asked

"Oh yes, I hardly have the nightmares anymore. All of you distract me for the most part. But there are still times where I will sink in remembrance and start to feel disgusted with myself." I say.

"I don't ever want you to feel like that Bella. But I am glad you told me." Alice said

"I am glad I told you too, I feel like a bit of the weight is off. Like I can breath a easier." I said and Alice hugged me tightly. We washed our faces and reapplied a bit of makeup so we wouldn't look like we had been crying and headed back up to the deck to cast off.

_**Edward**_

We scrambled back up to the deck quickly and tried to look innocent. But we couldn't take back what we had heard. Bella's heart breaking confession. I wanted to bust the door in and hold Bella to me. Jasper had to hold me back. I wanted to yell and break things in rage, so intense was my feelings for the things that had happened to Bella.

Tears ran down my face and I didn't even realize that I was crying and I didn't care. Jasper's eyes were filled with tears and rage too. I knew from his look that he was feeling just as horrible as me. I knew that if Bella's dad was still alive, he would gladly accompany me in murdering the bastard in the most brutal way possible.

When we heard the girls emerging from the bathroom, we pretended to be busy trying ropes and such. But one look from Bella and I knew she saw right through us.

_**Bella**_

Edward had the look. The sad look. The enraged look. My heart sank.

I looked to Jasper and he looked away guiltily. They knew. Shit shit shit shit!

"So I am going to assume that you two were eaves dropping right?" I say. Both of them looked down simultaneously confirming my fear.

"How much did you hear?" I asked, my voice shaking. Edward looked to Jasper and then shook his head.

"All of it." He said.

"You assholes!" Alice raged, smacking them on the sides of their heads.

"No its okay. You guys should not have listened in on us, but I am glad you know. I hate lying and this is one less thing I have to lie about." I admitted wearily.

"We don't have to take the boat out Bella, we could stay docked." Jasper said.

"No, I want to. Its ok. Thanks Jasper." I say.

"Alright then, lets do this." Jasper says and Edward gives me one last questioning look before he helps Jasper.

They are looking at me different, I can tell. They think I am ruined now, spoiled, defiled in somehow. Even so, I am glad they know.

At least now they can see the real me, the reason I am the way I am I suppose.

"Hey Bella? You want to come down and help me get lunch ready?" Alice asks and I nod and join her bellow.

It's a bit awkward on deck with the boys at first. They keep sneaking in glances, like they are waiting for something to happen to me.

"Ignore those douche bags, they should not have been spying on us the jerks." Alice said as we settled into the tiny kitchen.

"I know, but I guess its easier in a way. I didn't have to tell them, but I feel like its something you all needed to know in order to understand me. It helps really Alice. No one else on earth knows but you guys, but I trust all of you with my life so its okay." I explained. Alice nodded in understanding.

We finished up making a quick lunch of chicken salad sandwiches and brought it up to the deck to share with the boys.

You would think we brought them gold by the way they smiled and gobbled down several sandwiches each. After a few hours of sunbathing, I slip downstairs to the bathroom.

"Bella." I hear Edward call my name as he follows me down the stairs.

I turn.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize again for us spying on you." Edward says, seeming genuinely apologetic.

"Its fine. Just don't go spreading the word about fucked up little Bella okay?" I say a bit more bitterly than I intended.

"Bella I would never share a secret that wasn't mine. And your not fucked up." Edward said gently.

"Yes I am. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that though. I am sorry." I say and try to scamper off to the bathroom before I cry again. Edward grabs me before I can escape.

"Bella don't run away. You have nothing to be sorry about okay? You've been through some shit. But all that doesn't make you who you are. You are you and I love you just this way." Edward says earnestly. I manage a small smile.

"Did you really mean what you said about us helping you get over it?" Edward asks

"Yeah, you guys do. I start to let it go when I am with you. Just today was hard, you know with the boat." I explain

"No more boats then." Edward promises.

"Okay deal. No more boats." I agree. Edward leans forward and plants a small kiss on my forehead before he heads back up to the deck. It leaves me wondering. Wondering if I should just stop all this. If I should just be with Edward. It was such a sweet kiss. I don't know what I am doing anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

_One Month Later…_

"Truth or dare Bella Swan?" Jasper asks, The club closed about an hour ago. All of us sit languidly in the upstairs lounge area, the rest of the club is dark and quite. Emmett is passing around an unusually large joint, no need for ventilation as the club is closed.

Rosalie is sitting on one of Emmett's knees like a little girl, sharing smoky kisses with him. Its dark in the lounge too. I can hardly see across to the other side of the cushioned seating area where Edward is stretched out. After the boating trip I felt a little more at ease. Like a weight was off my shoulders.

When I got home, I figured it was only right that I share with Rosalie my story. I don't know why I didn't before. She of all people would understand. She had been through similar. I found that with everyone of my friends that knew about it, a little more weight would fall.

I couldn't bear to tell the boys myself, but thought that it was not really fair for everyone else to know and not them. So I let Rosalie tell Emmett for me since they had been particularly close lately. He surprised me later on that same day by swooping me into a big hug and just holding on to me for a while. At first it was strange. Him holding me without saying a word. But as minutes went by and he still held me, I understood what he was trying to say without a word. He cared. I let myself relax into his massive body and I actually felt eased by him.

"You know we all love you and will always love you Bella and would do anything for you." Emmett whispered. I nodded. I knew now.

"And you know what else?" He said pulling me away from his chest to look me in the eyes.

"What?" I ask puzzled.

"I think my brother would do anything for you. I think he loves you more than anything ever." He said surprising me. I shook my head.

"Believe me, I grew up with the kid. He has never been like this for anything or anyone." Emmett added

"Where is this coming from?" I ask curiously

"Nowhere, just thought I'd give you my opinion is all." He said smiling.

"Uh huh. Well I don't think I am making any choices just yet." I said

"No rush. Just when the day comes that you want to settle down, pick a guy to stick with, remember what I said okay?" Emmett said holding my chin up with his finger.

"Okay." I say reluctantly as Emmett dips down and plants a kiss on my lips. It's a chaste kiss and it makes me smile. Later, Jacob whispers his support to me. James takes my hand and tells me he is here if I need anything, an uncommonly sweet gesture coming from him.

"Bella? Your turn." Jasper says breaking me away from the memories of these past few weeks.

"Oh! Sorry. Uh…Lets go with dare again." I say.

"You always choose dare Bella! You have to chose truth sometime!" Emmett said.

"Do I? I think I can just keep on choosing dare." I reply.

"Really? Well maybe we will just have to make your dare's a bit more challenging then." Alice replied.

"We'll see." I replied.

"Okay then, how about this? If you don't like my dare, you have to do truth." Alice says determined to have her way.

"Hey wait! Jasper is supposed to be daring me not you Alice!" I say

"Too bad, Jasper you don't mind if I take you turn just this once do you?" Alice asks coyly

"Go right ahead darling, my mind is blank on dare anyway." Jasper says and I send him a loathing look which he smiles broadly at before shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay okay just get on with it." I say irritated that they always have to single me out.

"Okay!" Alice say jubilantly "I dare you to let me blind fold you…" Alice begins but I interrupt.

"That's it? Okay go right ahead." I say

"No! That's not it missy so shut up!" Alice barks

"I dare you to let me blindfold you then I will pick one of the guys to have sex with you right here in front of all of us." Alice said menacingly, sure that I will refuse such a dare. Oh I want to. But more than I want to refuse, I don't want to tell the truth about something they may ask. I am a horrible liar. If they ask the right question, I won't be able to lie.

As I stew in this for a minute I see Alice smile victoriously. She thinks she's won. The only reason she is doing this I know is because this is the only secret I have from her. This is the only thing no one knows. She only knows to ask about it because she knows me well enough to know that I have been hiding something.

"C'mon Bella, just choose truth for once, it won't be so bad." Alice taunts. Jasper seems curious to know too and he eyes me waiting for my answer. The question Alice will ask is a question Jasper has asked me before. Maybe he doesn't recall? No, he does. I can see it in his eyes.

He asked me before: _"So was I the second man you've been with?" _and I replied stupidly: _"No, you're the third. But still top five, so don't fret love." _He must recall now. It's the only thing I have left to hide.

"_Who was the second? Anyone I would know?" _He pressed that night.

"_I am not answering that! If I say it is someone you would know you would never let it go." _I replied, trying to steer him away. Alice of course knew there was a gap simply because we shared everything. Edward's eyes were now on me, puzzled. He didn't really understand my trepidation with telling the truth because he didn't know I had anything to lie about. No one knew.

No one save for me and that person and that's the way it had to stay I decided standing up and peeling off my dress and tossing it aside.

"What are you doing?" Alice asks incredulously

"Completing my dare." I say and slide out of my shoes. Everyone is 'ohhing and ahhing' so surprised I am going to actually go through with this.

"Okay but like I said Swan, blindfolded! You won't get to know who it is that is fucking you!" Alice threatens trying to make me back down. This won't be so bad, I tell myself. I have fucked every guy in this room so it can't be that bad. Telling would ruin everything, this will just be weird.

"Blindfold away Alice." I say as I slip off my panties and bra sitting completely naked upon the plushness of the ring of couches. My heart beats a little harder as Alice takes Rosalie's shawl and wraps it around my eyes.

"Alice c'mon, Bella you don't have to do this! Its just a stupid game!" Rosalie says a little upset.

"No its okay. I am a woman of my word." I respond before my vision is completely obscured. The lounge was dark to begin with so there is no chance of seeing whoever Alice pick. I lay back a bit nervously. Though it is dark, everyone can still see me. Thought everyone here has seen me naked, it is hardly the same.

My skin prickles, the feeling of being blindfolded and vulnerable in front of others is unnerving but I bite my lip and take a deep breath as I hear Alice tell everyone to stand up. Damn. I thought I would be able to guess who it was by them standing when she chose them! She knows me too well.

I hear rustling as everyone gets to there feet and then it is quiet. Everyone site back down.

"Alice this isn't right!" Edward suddenly burst

"No talking! She consented, so shut up!" Hissed Alice. I expected to hear him argue, but he was silent as someone made there way close to me. Assuming since Edward argued on my behalf, he was not the one about to have sex with me I felt a bit more nervous. I had hoped it would be him.

"Wait." Alice said suddenly

"I am gonna cover your nose too. You might be able to identify who it is by their cologne." Alice explained

"How am I going to breath?" I ask lightly

"Your mouth! Besides, I won't cover your nose tight enough that you wont able to breath from it, just so you can't smell." Alice says simply as she tugs the fabric from my eyes down a bit to cover my nose. It is uncomfortable, but she is right, I can still breath, just not smell very well.

"Okay, lets go ahead with the show!" She says and someone sniggers.

I hear whoever is before me unzipping his pants and coming closer to me. A hand massages my breast and traces down my side and brushes across my stomach sending chills down my body. I want to run. I don't mind any of the men in this room, but something about doing it like this is just so creepy.

"You can still back out Bella…" Alice sings "He isn't even hard yet."

"No way." I breath

"Suit yourself." Alice says and it is again quiet except for my breathing and his…whoever it was that was running his hands along my body. I feel my body heat of its own accord. It likes the caresses, even if they are from a mystery lover. I try to remember, rack my brain for who's hands felt like this…Jasper? Emmett? I can't recall and it drives me mad.

If only Alice hadn't thought to cover my nose! But she knows how keen my sense of smell is with recognition. She knew only too well how quickly I could deduce who was touching me by their scent. The mystery hands are now at my breasts and my body tingles but at the same time I feel my stomach twist uncomfortably.

Who is touching me? The desire to know is unbearable, but the alternative is not something I can entertain. There is no way I can tell her what I know she will ask. Especially in front of everyone. This is, however unbelievable, the lesser of two evils. No one can know. I try for the most part to forget it happened. If only I were a better liar. I could have easily omitted him from my lover's list. But no, I said the truth first without thinking if it would come back to bite me. I so rarely let myself wander back to that day.

It causes only heartache.

One stupid mistake. How easily it has the potential to hurt and ruin stagers me. We had both been on a relationship hiatus. Me, from Edward and him from his wife. I didn't know how he would effect things when I ran into him that day.

He was just a sweet guy, soft spoken and comforting. An old acquaintance. I had just left Edward's place, packing all of my things swiftly while he slept with some unknown woman in his room. My pre-Edward apartment just didn't seem like me any more so going back there was out of the question. A hotel is what I settled on for the night. I figured I could look for a new place the next day, after I cried my heart out over Edward all night. The hotel was posh and upscale and miles away from Edward.

All I needed for the night was in my purse, but it only added to the feeling that I was running away. Well, there is no denying that's what I was doing. I snuck away while he was sleeping, not that he would care. But I was a coward. I couldn't bare to face him. I knew that if he told me to stay, I would.

So up to my room I marched, unaware that someone was calling my name.

The person calling my name finally caught my attention and I turned to see who it was. I smiled despite myself, his smile was so genuine and warm I couldn't help myself. Sort of an old friend of the family I would call him, as he is a good chunk older than me. He had been around when first my dad passed, then my mom. He was always kind to me. He asked me how I was, what had I been up to and all the usual questions.

After noting I was on my own, he insisted we have dinner together.

I thought about the alternative. Me sitting alone in my room lonely and crying over Edward. Dinner sounded like the perfect distraction, and besides this was just an old family friend right?

At dinner I learned that he was recently married, but his wife was having second thoughts about the man she married, blaming him for a recent miscarriage so she decided that a little time apart from him would be best.

Hence his stay at the hotel, he chose a different city than the one he lived to avoid seeing people he knew and having to answer uncomfortable questions.

As uneasy as he was talking about his personal life with me, I think he knew that he could trust me as I felt I could trust him.

He confessed that he didn't know what he would be going back to tomorrow when he made the four hour drive home. Would she be there?

Or would the house be half emptied, cleared of all traces of her? I felt a sting of guilt at this as this is how I left Edward. True, we were hardly in the same situation but the guilt was still there. He apologized for rambling on like that, he just hadn't had anyone to talk to in a while. He then asked me what was my dilemma. He laughed at the look of confusion.

He said it was plain on my face that something was bothering me, or someone. I told him about the boy I had been living with, not getting into details. He was sympathetic, but told me that I had always been a lovely girl and good things would come my way.

We then talked of the times I had seen him as a child, he noticeably avoided mentioning my father which brought me to the conclusion that maybe he suspected that their was abuse. He had been over to our home on a few occasions growing up, but never enough to say we knew each other well.

I found it was nice listening to him talk. His voice had a very soothing quality to it. It warmed you and made you feel safe.

Leaving Edward had made me feel so frozen inside, I craved the warmth.

We shared several bottles of wine between us which resulted in him taking my arm to guide me back to my room. He walked me into my room and made to leave after I was settled.

He smiled lazily at me, obviously a bit drunk too and I told him to sit for a minute. Closing the door behind him, he joined me sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Thank you for dinner." I had whispered, loneliness creeping up on me.

He wrapped his arm around me as if knowing I needed contact, warmth.

As we sat side by side he nestled his face in my hair, breathing in deeply before he said he should be going. I felt panic clutch me as I realized I didn't want to be alone just yet. I didn't want to cry over Edward yet, soon. But not yet. I held onto him and he stayed put.

I told him to sit with me a little longer, than he could leave and he said nothing. His arm snaked back around me and he sighed. His fingers traced a lazy pattern down my arm and I closed my eyes loving the feeling of being touched. Hazy from the wine I brought my lips to his brazenly, not caring that this man had known me as a child or that he was married.

I expected to meet with resistance, but his lips molded with mine and responded with reciprocating pressure. We broke apart for a moment and each of our breathing had increased so much we were gasping. His lips found mine this time and I felt myself being pushed gently onto my back on the bed.

I knew in that moment what would happen and that it was wrong, but the warmth and the caresses that he lavished onto me won out. I slipped my hands underneath his shirt and ran them down the lean muscles of his back and he shuddered.

Meticulously he peeled away my clothing, as if he was waiting for me to come to my senses and push him away. I did no such thing. Instead I pulled at his clothing, trying to desperately to feel his hot chest against my own. I needed to have more of his warmth, I felt I would freeze without him. Both naked he kissed down my body gently, taking the time to kiss spots that only an older more experienced man would know to kiss.

He murmured words of phrase at my lovely body, at how sweet I tasted, or how silky my skin felt. Fire burnt within me, I thought of Edward when I felt him at my entrance hard and ready.

I feared for a moment how different this would be than with Edward as he had been the only man to do these things to me, to touch me in these places. When he pushed inside me it was a bit uncomfortable at first.

I wasn't used to his particular size, he sensed my discomfort and pulled out. Despite the discomfort, the loss of his body right on mine was worse so I pulled him back to me planting hot kisses down his shoulders as he once again entered me. This time he waited a few moments for me to adjust to him, then he started to move slowly inside me.

It didn't take long before I was burning beneath him, he whispered 'so lovely' over and over again as he sped up his thrusting. His face was flushed as he held tightly to my hips 'you feel so good' he breathed 'So tight'. I opened my legs wider and he slipped a little deeper into me as I felt the boiling start.

He felt me start to shake uncontrollably beneath him and thrust faster, almost painfully into me as I came blindingly writhing beneath him, he gave a couple more thrusts before shuddering into me hotly.

The warmth of him helped me slip into sleep without event, just small harmless thoughts of Edward occupied my dreams. It wasn't even light out when I awoke. I slipped easily out of bed from beneath his warm arm and made to tip toe to the bathroom. I paused as I came across his wallet that must have slipped from his pants when we tossed them aside carelessly.

His wallet had fallen open to leaving the small section of pictures open for view. I couldn't help picking it up. The first picture was of him and I supposed his wife. Very pretty and sweet looking. The next picture I had to stare at for a full minute before what I was seeing sunk into my head.

Three faces smiled out from the picture, all familiar. I dropped the wallet when I heard him sit up in bed. All the warmth that I had left in my body drained. I must have looked like I saw a ghost to him. I fled to the bathroom and vomited. He tapped at the door and asked what was wrong, if I was okay.

I didn't answer. I had to calm myself down, cause I was shaking so badly as I brushed my teeth.

Carefully I came out of the bathroom to find him dressed and picking up his wallet off of the floor. He paused and again asked if I was okay. I shook my head tight lipped. Afraid of what I would say if I spoke. I instead went and pulled his wallet from him and opened it to the picture.

He looked confused. He asked for the third time if I was okay. His kind eyes peering into mine, trying to understand what it was about this picture that caused me distress. I started to shake again and I felt like I was going to vomit once more. I opened my mouth to speak but I knew if I made any noise right now, it would be a scream so I closed it again. A few seconds later I felt it was safe for me to speak without screaming.

"Who are the people in this picture with you?" I asked as calmly as I could, but I could hear the quaking in each word, the higher pitch that I spoke in.

"My sons" He answered automatically, his brow creased with worry.

He just confirmed what I guessed and it made my stomach hurt all the more.

I gripped my hair in my fists and pulled at it angrily. I was keeping the scream in too long, I couldn't hold it anymore. I screamed.

Most people would have stepped back at this, but he took a step forward to comfort me. I pushed him away my chest rising and falling rapidly.

This could not be happening.

"Your son…" I said indicating the bronzed haired boy on the right.

"Is the boy I just left." I croaked as tears spilled down my face. Realization seemed to dawn on him and he looked like he might be sick too. He reached out to touch my shoulder and I shrugged away and said

"Carlisle don't…" as I sank to the floor disgusted with myself.


	10. Chapter 10

I made him swear to never say a word of it ever. To no one under no circumstance. He wouldn't look me in the eye as I spoke through tears. I think he was crying too. I felt too disgusted with both of us to even consider comforting him. We didn't deserve comfort. True, I was not on the best terms with Edward at the time, but I highly doubted that it constituted having sex with his father.

I had to pretend it didn't happen. That was the only way for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror without being sick. We didn't speak, not a word after as he gathered his things and left. I never saw him again but I know I will one day. Hell, I dreamt of being with Edward one day, reconciling…Was that even a possibility with this hanging over me?

No. If he knew…He would not want me. I just knew it. So I kept it in, bottled up so no one would be hurt. After Carlisle left, I cried myself ragged.

Sitting on the bathroom counter, I tried to look at myself in the mirror hundreds of times over hours and hours.

Every time I did, all the thoughts of what made me a horribly disfigured soul came rushing back. Flashes of Charlie breathing onto my naked flesh, his excitement pressed against me, would intertwine with Carlisle's scent that still lingered all over my body.

I knew in my heart the two were unrelated but it still made me gag.

The warmth had been what I craved from Carlisle, and now that was gone.

It had been so fleeting anyway. How could anyone love me after this?

How could I explain this to Alice? She thought I didn't trust her with something, that I didn't consider her my best friend because I couldn't confide this one thing to her. But that was the furthest from the truth. I couldn't tell first because I couldn't admit how disgusted I was with myself for this let alone watch her disgust with me. I knew this could very well be the end of our friendship. This was an unforgivable deed.

So yes, I gave into the dare, I let the mystery man touch me in front of everyone. Prying eyes no doubt watching my every reaction as his mouth set down warmly onto one of my breasts. It warmed my blood but at the same time I couldn't help but be reminded of Charlie.

This was a sickening situation and Alice knew it. Charlie had done similar things to me. Made me close my eyes as he touched me those first times, so I wouldn't see him stroking himself to a finish. But I could hear him panting hard, murmuring my name.

"Keep very quiet my Bella." He would whisper when he started coming to my room in the months before he died.

He was becoming more careless in his abuse of me.

I was thirteen, starting to develop, it was only a matter of time before he took me as a woman. Soon, I knew he would be careless enough to do what I feared the most of him.

What I despaired in every night…Him entering me. I cringe at the thought and at the same time I feel the mystery man start to lave my nipple.

I bit into my lip to keep from sobbing as I let him lick my flesh and probe me with curious fingers.

I can't help my body's reaction to him when I start to shiver and shake with anticipation of this horrible dare. It feels too good. When I feel him begin to push into me I hold my breath. It feels utterly thrilling and sickening at the same time. But I just want this to be over. My mystery man seems determined to end my unusual suffering quickly, as he thrust into me at a faster pace, using a bit more force.

For this I was thankful, and whimpered beneath him.

Tears spilled down my face without my control when I felt myself come and I am filled with shame and embarrassment. Moments later I feel him coming too, his body shuttering into mine.

Then I hear a whisper in my ear-

"It's me love." A voice as soothing as a warm bath breathes. I cry all the more harder and cling to him desperately as I sob without restraint. It was Edward who Alice had chosen. He slips the blindfold off of me and his beautiful green eyes bare into mine.

Silently reassuring me that it is okay.

He quickly hands me my clothes so I can dress as he zips his pants back up.

"That was void! You told her! She wasn't ever supposed to know who it was." Alice cries indignantly, her voice was a little higher pitched than normal, more strained which lead me to the conclusion that she must be very drunk.

"Shut the fuck up Alice! Shut you fucking mouth!" Edward barked.

"Don't talk to me like that! A deals a deal. You can't go fucking with the terms!" Alice countered hotly as I quickly dressed. Everyone looked away guiltily when I glanced in their direction.

Apparently the funny little game wasn't so funny when it made one of you friends break down and cry.

"Alice I said shut you fucking mouth right now or so help me I will shut it for you." Edward warned venomously. Alice laughed bitterly and replied

"What are you going to do Edward? Hit me? I wish you would. Don't act like your above this, you just participated didn't you?" Alice spat

"Your ridiculous Alice, I did it because if I didn't someone else would have!" Edward replied looking like he would like nothing better than to choke the life from Alice. Everyone was watching and listening in stunned silence.

"Yeah I am so ridiculous! You must feel so noble. But it's a far cry from raping her in the closet now isn't it Edward?" Alice sang. Now I love Alice with my whole heart but she was going too far, but anyone who knows Alice, knows that she is unstoppable.

"You don't know what you're talking about Alice. Just shut up already, you have no idea what your talking about." Edward hissed, his jaw clenched in anger.

"I don't huh? You think I don't know everything about my best friend? She told us what you did to her!" Alice laughed.

"Alice please, just stop." I plead.

She was trying to wound Edward, knowing full well that it hurt me to see him hurt.

"No, no, no. You started this Bella. Edward thinks he is so high and mighty. But everyone else doesn't know what happened in that closet like I do." Alice slurred.

"Please Alice, this is old. I told you many things in confidence, are you going to betray me now just to hurt me?" I try reasoning.

"You've already hurt me first Bella. You won't tell me the truth." She pauses then turns to everyone else.

"So guys did you know that that's what happened that night when Jasper hit Edward? That he shoved her down on the counter, covered her mouth and forced himself inside her?" Alice asks no one in particular, her small frame wobbling as she continues her tirade. I see Emmett put his head in his hands and he looks sickened. Tanya is covering her mouth in shock. And Alice is laughing and it worries me more than the reaction of anyone in this room. Alice never behaves like this. She must be a little more than drunk.

I look across at Rosalie and we exchange worried glances, she too sense that something is up with Alice.

"Alice please just calm down." Edward says, his shoulders slumped at her proclamations of him. Everyone else is still looking pretty disgusted only now the conversation is too juicy to turn away from.

"Shut up, your nothing but a pervert. You're a rapist." Alice spat "Well Bella, shall we finish the game then? Truth or dare? I choose truth. So why don't you ask me how I know your keeping something from me huh? Go ahead and ask." Alice says and she is starting to look too pale and her face is a bit sweaty.

"No. Alice, I am done with this game." I say shaking my head.

"I'll tell you anyway, maybe this will rings some bells. The Hotel Vine? Maybe you remember a particular stay there?" Alice ask and my heart skips a beat. It is the hotel I stayed at my night with Carlisle. Panicking, I wonder how in the world she could know this.

"That's enough Alice, sit down and cool off. Your just tripping. Its okay." Rosalie says getting up and trying to sit Alice down.

"Sure, Rosalie. I'll sit, since you're the only girlfriend I have that doesn't lie to me." Alice says taking a seat next to Rosalie and Emmett.

"I think we should go now Bella." Edward says taking my hand. It's comforting to feel his touch. He wasn't mad either for all the nasty things Alice said about him. Or that I told her some of the details of the night in the closet. For a second as I rise with him, I am able to think that maybe he and I do have a chance.

Maybe this time it will work out. Maybe its time we tried us again the right way. But all these thoughts are interrupted by Alice, yet again.

She is shaking now, even though she is sitting her body is shivering.

"Where are you two going? You haven't even heard the best part, you might want to pay attention to this too Emmett." Alice adds groggily. Something is really wrong with her. Her eyes look too wide all bloodshot and her breathing is labored.

Emmett looks taken aback to be included in Alice's little rant.

"Alice, if you ever loved me…If you were ever my friend you will not say another word." I plead, I don't know how she knows. But she knows.

She knows and apparently means to spill the beans right here and now.

"How sweet! Well if you ever loved me Bella, you would have told me this a long time ago and saved yourself this trouble huh? But no, you had to lie to your best friend." Alice chimes standing again but looking like she might faint any minute.

"Hey she doesn't look so good guys." James pipes from across the room.

"Yeah, guys I think this is enough for one night, Emmett help me take Alice home?" Rosalie says turning to Emmett.

"Uh no, not until I have said what I want to say!" Alice says and she is now gasping for air but fighting away the hands of those trying to assist her.

"Does any of you guys know what she took?" Rosalie asks worried holding onto Alice's hand tightly.

"I saw her taking some pills when the club closed with a couple shots." Irina says from the corner where she sits with James. I hadn't even noticed she was there until she spoke.

"I took some pills so what? I feel fine." Alice says distracted momentarily.

I move to leave with Edward once more before she notices. She won't continue with her rampage if we are no longer here.

"Nope. No you don't. Edward I really think your going to want to hear what precious Bella did." Alice says smiling. "I don't care what she did okay? I love her, is that what bugs you Alice? That I love her and she loves me? Loves me and not you?" Edward asks antagonizing her.

"Nice try Edward, really. But how can you value that love when she gives it to everyone huh?" Alice says.

"Your just jealous. That everyone likes her more than you, everyone wants her." Edward concluded, his hand still holding tight to mine.

"Jealous? Ha! You should be jealous, after all you and your brother aren't the only members of the family she has fucked. Isn't that right Bella? Did you ever tell him about you and his daddy hmm?" Alice asked and her smile is sickening as she continues to gasp for air at the same time.

Comprehension of Alice's words seems to have dawned on everyone as there eyes slowly roll to me. Edward and Emmett's head's both snap to me with their mouths agape. It feels like someone has dumped ice water over me. My instincts tell me to flee, but I know I won't get far.

"Didn't think so…" Alice says as I feel Edward drop my hand from his.

My heart ripped jaggedly in half. That's it. Something snaps inside me. In a flash I have snatched Alice from Rosalie's clutches and I fling her down onto the floor as hard as I can and swing my arm back to hit her but I am immediately captured by Jasper holding me at the waist as I struggle against him.

But I stop as soon as I note Alice on the floor. She is not moving. Her eyes are closed and her chest doesn't appear to be moving. There is a silent moment of horror before everyone strikes to action.

An ambulance is called and Rosalie is trying to do CPR, pumping at Alice's small chest. Time speeds up while I am frozen. The ambulance comes and takes her away and soon everyone is gone, heading to the hospital too. I stand alone in the room and cry for a moment. I still feel like I am moving in slow motion, with time speeding ahead of me.

Numbly I head down stairs and lock up where no one else saw fit to.

I try to remain calm as I hail a taxi to the hospital and I note that it has taken me nearly an hour to get going. I find it hard to do anything when I feel half dead.

When I arrive at the hospital, I see the group in the waiting room.

Rosalie and Jasper sit next to each other, looking weary but quite. Irina, Tanya, James and Jacob are sipping coffee quietly talking amongst themselves.

Emmett and Edward are off in the far corner having a pretty heated looking discussion. Rosalie sees me first and gets up to hug me.

"I am sorry we all just left you like that, we were so worried about Alice you know." Rosalie admits.

"Its okay, how is she?" I ask quietly. The others are starting to notice that I have arrived and are looking at me in the strangest ways. I ignore them.

"She is going to be okay they think, overdose they said. Her alcohol level was extremely high and she had a hand full of different drugs in her. Luckily we called when we did, or else she might not have made it." Rosalie explains.

"So did me pushing her have anything to do with it?" I ask nervously.

"No, I don't think so. It just made her pass out I think. Which she would have did any minute anyhow. They should be coming out pretty soon to update us." Rosalie assured me. I turn to look around and Edward notes that I am there too but turns away like he doesn't see me.

"And uh, have they said anything?" I ask indicating Edward and Emmett.

"No, not to any of us. But they have been arguing over there for a while. I guess their dad is the emergency room doctor here. We saw him for just a second. He is taking care of Alice right now." Rosalie says informatively. I nod and take a seat. Fucking fantastic.

How in the world is it possible for one person to have such shitty luck?

Why did he have to work at this hospital? Why me? I hear Edward call my name and then Emmett telling him not to do this now.

"Please Edward man! This is not the time or place to do this." Emmett pleads tugging at Edward's arm to keep him from coming forth.

Shit…Do what? I wonder. I don't look up but I know that everyone is looking at me now. Edward jerks away from Emmett's grip and if before me. He says my name with desperation.

"Bella just answer me this and I will never speak to you after…" He says, his voice dead serious and tears leak from my eyes. It hurts to breath.

"Did you really fuck our dad?" Edward asks and the pain he feels in asking this is evident in his voice.

"Edward, I…Please just let me explain things to you, lets talk in private." I plead through gasps of air I try to take in as I finally look around. Everyone looks beyond curious. His strength wavers for a moment and he frowns as though he wants nothing better than to speak to me alone. But just as suddenly his face becomes that unreadable mask again.

"No, there is nothing to talk about. It is a yes or no question." He barks angrily.

"Yes or No Bella?" He demands in a voice so harsh, I don't recognize it. A sob is caught in my throat. I can't help but cover my face in shame as I whisper yes and begin to weep openly, unable to control myself.

"You disgust me Bella. Your dad fucked you up so you go and fuck my dad? What did you want to relive the old days with daddy Bella?" Edward taunts. His words don't just sting, they rip through me like razors, dragging slowly down my body. I can't believe the things he has just said to me, but I know I deserve every word.

I deserve so much more. Edward's hands are shaking as he looks down at me with disgust and hatred clear in his eyes. He looks like he wants to hit me.

I wish he would. I welcome any physical pain that would distract me from this emotional agony I am in. But again, I know this is what I deserve.

He turns away from me and I look up and see him staring towards the doorway at the man who has just walked in.

"Uh, Everyone? Miss Brandon is pretty much stable now. She is still unconscious though. We will have to keep her for a few days or so. You all can visit her in a few hours when she wakes up." Dr. Carlisle Cullen announces to the room looking down at a chart.

He looks up, his glasses sitting at the edge of his nose. His bright blue eyes scan the room and land on his sons.

Edward begins to stride towards him purposefully and Emmett leaps after him quicker than I thought possible and grabs Edward around the chest holding him back. Carlisle steps back startled, not knowing what is going on.

"You fucking asshole!" Edward seethes from Emmett's arms.

"Son, are you okay? What's wrong?" Carlisle asks concern in his eyes, he reaches a hand toward Edward only to yank it back as Edward tries to bound toward him again.

"What's wrong? Think about it dad! Did you plan to keep it from me forever?" Edward demands, writhing in anger.

"Emmett? Please tell me what's wrong with your brother." Carlisle pleads stepping closer only to jump back when Edward tried to swing at him.

"Dad, uh. Damn it Edward! Calm down!" Emmett says trying to talk and hold the struggling Edward at the same time.

"Maybe we should talk in private?" Carlisle asks gently.

"Yeah." Emmett manages as Edward fights with all his strength to free himself from Emmett, but its no use as Emmett has a cast iron grip around his little brother and his isn't letting go.

"There is another waiting room down the hall if you all want to excuse us for a moment." Carlisle says kindly.

"No, we talk now! Emmett let me go! You should be pissed too. He's a fucking pervert!" Edward pants, his eyes ablaze. He looks crazed, manic.

"No man, he is our dad. Just calm down bro okay?" Emmett says steadily.

Everyone starts to move to leave the waiting room though everyone wants to hear the conversation that will ensue.

I get to my feet still crying and attempt to head for the door but the door is blocked as no one has left yet, they are all waiting for something to happen as Carlisle finally takes notice of me.

"Bella?" He says and the color drains from his face as he looks back to his sons and realizes what this is about.

"Yeah, her." Emmett says simply letting out a breath.

"Edward I think this is a matter to be discussed in private, please lets go to my office." Carlisle pleads noting that no one is leaving this room. I again try to leave but Edward grabs my arm roughly and pulls me to him. His grip is so tight I cry out from the pain of it.

"Dad you know I love this girl! You knew that! And you kept this from me! Did you do this to hurt me?" Royce cried thrusting me back away from him where I stumble and fall to the ground. No one seems to notice.

Shakily I get to my feet.

"No son, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't even know you knew her when it happened, I swear." Carlisle said softly, guilt heavy in his voice.

"Oh you swear? And what about Esme dad? Does she know about your little affair? Always be the good guy my fucking ass!" Edward screamed, veins bulging in his neck.

"I wonder dad if you were being the damn good guy when you were fucking a girl half your age? The girl I love no less! You ruined any chance of us being together, and you ruined…ah you ruined my life…" Edward said breaking down, he collapsed into Emmetts' arms as sobs rack him and tears stream down his face.


	11. Chapter 11

The part of my heart that had been mangled and split in two just got put in a grinder then and there. I wanted to die. The pain was so intense I couldn't breath, I couldn't be in the room with them anymore.

As I pushed my way out of the room, Carlisle had taken Edward in his arms as well and the three of them stay huddled together, Edward's sobs following me down the halls as I fled.

I had to get away, go somewhere, anywhere but here. My crying I couldn't stop as I got into a taxi and headed home. On the ride home the taxi driver kept glancing back nervously as I gasped every couple seconds for air.

It seemed I couldn't even do something as simple as breathing without ruining it.

"You okay miss?" The driver asked when it took a particularly long time for me to catch my breath and a new set of sobs racked me.

"Never better." I croak as we approach my apartment. I toss some money to the driver not really paying attention to how much I gave him and flee to the building, as the driver calls after me that I gave him a hundred dollars. I don't look back.

My apartment was no comfort. It feels like the walls are crumbling down around me, trying to suffocate the life from me. I gathered my purse again, shoving a couple bottles of pain pills into it and leave not knowing where I am going as I head down to the garage where my car is parked.

I don't ever use my car for going out as I am usually too drunk or high to drive.

The sun is rising as I steer the SUV out of the garage and down a random street.

I drive for hours and but don't really feel the urge to stop. I am tired but I have to get away. I feel like if I stay in this city for one more minute I will go crazy.

When I finally take note of the signs on the highway, I realize that I have already gotten pretty far from home. I laugh manically at the thought that I ever had a home. That I ever had friends. Everyone hates me now.

Unable to keep my eyes open anymore I pull into a lodge looking place where there are cabins lining a lake. I have no idea where I am an I find that I don't care. No one else does, why should I? I check in and the receptionist girl chats with me about something but I am vacant and she seems to realize this and stops talking and hands me my key, pointing me in the direction of my cabin.

I don't see a thing about the place as I collapse onto the bed in my cabin. I dig in my purse and find one of the bottles of pain killers I have and I dry swallow as many as I can and drop my head into the mattress and sleep.

But sleep is hardly a reprieve as nightmares ensue, but they are nothing compared to my harsh reality.

_**Edward**_

Alcohol on an empty stomach plus a lack of sleep and a night of trauma equals a really fucked up Edward. The sun was setting when Emmett tried to talk me into going home for the night but I couldn't get myself to move.

Everyone else had gone home hours ago, promising to return after they got some sleep.

I couldn't even consider leaving, but it hardly had a thing to do with Alice. Sure I was concerned about her, but I'd be lying through my teeth if I said that was the reason I refused to leave this spot. Truth be told, I kind of hoped that Bella would come back, and if she did I wanted to be here.

For what? I haven't really gotten to that part in my head yet. I just knew the way I left things with her wasn't right.

I let my anger get the best of me. I spoke to her in a way I never spoke to anyone in my life shouting words at her that I didn't mean but I knew they would hurt her the most. I wanted her to hurt just as much as I was and I threw her down on the ground like she was nothing to prove it.

Angry or not, if I ever loved her I should not have treated her like garbage.

After a very long talk with my dad, I was feeling like a pretty big jerk.

The scum of the earth is more appropriate description. He calmly explained to me and Emmett what had happened that night and though it was a bit disturbing to hear this kind of stuff from my father, at least I got the story straight. He had know Bella before I even knew her. When she was a kid. He had worked a couple times with Bella's father. The night that Bella had moved out of my apartment they had ran into each other.

This I could not help but blame myself for. If I had not been the moron I was, she would have never left and none of the rest would have happened. Dad explained that he was taking a break from Esme at the time, they were having problems after her miscarriage and she didn't want him around for a little while.

She blamed him for the miscarriage and many other things that were beyond his control and for some strange reason he let her.

He didn't argue, he just listened to what she had to say and did what she told him to. She was hurting and if she needed to blame someone else for her pain in order to get through this, he wasn't going to fight her on it, even if he was hurting too.

He had wanted the child just as much as Esme did. I remember his excitement when he told us she was pregnant, we were just as excited.

A baby brother? It would have been great. But the loss of the baby had been just a little too harsh of a blow for Esme and she wasn't seeing clearly. She thought that she was the only one who mourned the little guy. In truth, Emmett and I did as well.

So Dad drove a few cities over to take a break. He was feeling depressed, worried that when he returned home Esme would be gone and suddenly he see's Bella who he hadn't seen since her mother passed away.

He simply wanted to say hi to her then retire to his room but something in her eyes matched his own. Their anguish was mirrored in each other. They were both hurting, he explained to us. She looked like she was barely holding herself together and he felt the same way.

His love for Esme was something that never faltered, but the fact that it seemed like she might not love him anymore hurt him intensely. He asked Bella to have dinner with him. He explained to us that he had no ulterior motives in this. He simply craved the company of another soul very badly and it seemed Bella did too.

At dinner after he told her of his unfortunate situation, she vaguely informed him of a boy she loved so intensely that it hurt. She insisted that this boy did not feel the same so she had to leave or her love for him would destroy her. At this I cried, dad and Emmett pretended not to notice as dad continued his tale.

They had too much to drink at dinner, trying to fight the demons that plagued them both and he walked her to her room and helped her in. Now I have always known dad is not much of a drinker so it is not impossible to believe he needed to sit down after helping Bella into her room. He explained that he sat on her bed then when he moved to go, Bella asked him to stay just a couple more minutes.

He said she sounded so desperate for human contact he couldn't help but hold her and he soon found that he was just as desperate. He said he let his need get the better of him and that we didn't need to hear the details of what happened next. As sick as it sounds though, I wanted to know.

I craved to know all the details of my father's one night with the girl who has been my obsession since I met her. I wanted to him to tell us where he touched her, if she reacted the same way as when I touched her. I wanted so badly to know if they did it just once or if they had sex multiple times that night. The thought made my blood boil so I had to convince myself it was just the once. It angered me beyond words to know that my dad had seen and felt what should only be mine.

He had been inside the girl who occupied my every thought, felt the heat from a body that should only know me. In and out, he must have pounded into her until they peaked. The girl I loved. He had released into this girl, his seed pouring into her tight little slit. I imagined it overflowing from her small opening as he continued to pound into her till the tremors of their bodies stilled.

Had he tasted her? Licked the flesh that I had tasted? Did she taste him? Her perfect little mouth on him? Her silken hair caressing his skin…It was too much. I had to take deep breaths to keep from screaming. It was bad enough that Emmett had been with her the one night when we were trading. Even with him I remember I had listened desperately to him talk about his night with her, soaking up every little detail he would offer, oblivious as to how I felt about her at the time.

I remember he spoke of how rough they were, of how she liked it hard.

Emmett rattled on about how they had spent the night biting, pinching, squeezing and even slapping each other in strange places. He said that she was fiery little thing. They woke in the morning covered in bruises and scratches.

He showed me the bite marks on his shoulders and chest where she bit into him when he came inside her. I ate up every little detail. He even told me of how he went down on her. Tasting her in places I never got the chance to taste at the time.

It was excruciating to hear but I wanted to know, I had to know it all.

But my father? She had been with my father! It was too much to bare.

I wondered if she thought of me at all when she was with my father? Probably not. But it didn't stop me from imagining her seeing my face before she came, with my dad thrusting inside her.

I knew I should be disgusted with my abnormal thoughts but it seemed my obsession for Bella knew no bounds. Even now, I hated her…yet I couldn't leave in hopes of seeing her.

When dad finished telling us about how Bella freaked out when she realized that he was our father, I felt a bit better. Dad said she went hysterical, that she screamed out uncontrollably, that she vomited repeatedly and cried till her throat was raw. She had been inconsolable. He said she hated herself instantly, he could see the self loathing in her eyes, the disgust with herself. He said he knew she was feeling these things because he was feeling the same exact things too.

He said he would never forgive himself, which is why he knew I would never forgive him. I said nothing. In truth, I don't think I can forgive. Even if I wanted to forgive, I know I can't forget. I could move on, I could let it pass, the intense pain of it fading to a dull sting; but the memory would still burn fresh in my mind. I need to see her.

My head is throbbing as I sit like a crazy man in the waiting room.

But I just can't leave, I hate her but I can't leave. I love her too much.

I wonder if love can ever cancel out the hate I feel. I pray that it can.

_**Bella**_

I must be dead. That is the only conclusion I can come to. Shouldn't I be a bit sadder at being dead? Maybe it dying was what I needed huh? Oh Oww! No, definitely not dead. I wouldn't be in this amount of pain if I was.

"Miss Swan? Can you hear me?" A voice asked

"Uh yeah you are kinda yelling!" I answer, the pain in my head becoming worse as I open my eyes. I am in the room at the lodge still. Not dead as I kinda sorta hoped I would be.

"We knocked and knocked Miss Swan and thought that something must be wrong so we came in." The front desk lady was explaining as though I cared.

"S'okay. Thanks for checking on me. I wasn't feeling very well." I say trying to shoo this woman and a man who must be her husband out of my room. I close my eyes but I hear no sign of movement so I know they aren't gone.

"Uh thanks and all but you can go now. Just charge whatever you need to my account, I need some rest." I say trying to give them the boot.

"Miss Swan, I don't know if you are aware that you have been here for almost a week now. You haven't left a single time, and from the looks of your room you haven't been out of bed since you arrived." The woman says sounding concerned.

Great. I have been asleep for a week and I have perfect strangers worrying about me too. Groggily I pull myself out of bed, grab my purse and head out of the cabin to my car. The sun looks like it is about to set, and I have no idea what day it is.

"Miss, where are you going? You don't look so well. Maybe you should rest?" The lady calls to me as I climb into the SUV.

"I tried that, you wouldn't leave." I reply before starting the engine and driving away. It's a little hard for me to see as I am so drowsy, but I head in the general direction of home. Not really much to look forward to there but at least no one will bug me.

I try my hardest to think of some reason I should be allowed to live, go on and be happy. Nothing comes to mind. Because I know. I know deep down that Edward is the one I wanted to be with in the end and now that's not possible.

Everyone else, no matter how much I liked them, they can't compare to him. I don't think I know how to live life without him in it anymore.

Our veins of life are too intertwined, maybe he cut his easily but for me to cut them would surely kill me.

A very annoying sound pulls me from my thoughts and I realize it is someone's horn. I am being honked at by several cars as I apparently didn't note that I am going about 20 miles below the speed limit on the highway. I speed up and as I see my exit. The place I fled just a week ago is now only minutes away and it fill me with a sort of comfort. So what if everyone hates me. It's my home, I shouldn't be afraid to go home.

_**Jasper**_

For nearly a week I had been calling Bella to no avail. I visited her apartment several times and got no answer. No one had spoken to her, seen her or knew a thing about her whereabouts since she left the hospital that day.

Everyone had been so concerned with Alice and the drama with Carlisle and Edward that they failed to notice the source of the drama herself, Bella. Now that Alice was doing fine and resting at home, I couldn't help but wonder where Bella was.

Everyone had treated her so horribly, myself included. Why did we let her play Alice's sick little games? Because we were all just as sick. Bella was a novelty to us. A shinny new toy. A toy everyone wanted to play with. No one cared about the feelings of that toy. They pretended to. Pretended to be her friend, but were any of us really?

You wouldn't think so by the way we treated her and let her be treated.

So she slept with Edward's dad…So what? We had all done plenty worse. And I mean worse.

Long before Bella came along we were doing these things. Edward and I would bag girl after girl each night and never think twice about it. We lost our virginities at age fourteen to call girls my dad hired for us and we didn't care. We liked it. We were switching partners secretly too, long before Bella came into the mix.

Alice and Tanya were just thirteen when they let some college guys fuck them at a party. We were stealing pills and alcohol from our parents in junior high and Irina had her first abortion the summer before freshman year in high school.

We fucked teachers, our parents friends, we let people use us. We were high all day every day and no one cared about us or what we were doing.

We played rough, a couple times we noticed the injuries on each other, where the older lovers got too rough with us young kids and we didn't fight back, where we cut ourselves to hide from the pain from not being loved, where we played those dangerous games of choking during sex, or where just plain intoxicated stupidity took its toll on us. Crazy shit. Shit no one would believe even if we told them. So we never did. The only reason we slowed down was the whole mess with Rosalie.

When those guys raped her like that man, it scared us all. We really thought she wasn't going to make it and that made us rethink the way we were living. Sure, we still did crazy stuff, but this time we limited it to each other for the most part. They almost killed her. We couldn't believe something like that could happen to one of us.

But we hurt those guys right back. Badly. Me, Edward and the rest of the guys found out who they were and punished them in ways no authority could.

Money bought us the privilege of not having to worry about consequences.

I heard rumors that some of the other girls had been forced into having sex on a couple of occasions, but they weren't hurt like Rosalie was, and they were so used to that kind of abuse that they didn't say anything. And even after her rape, Rosalie dropped back into routine with all of us, but this time she was harder, tougher.

She wouldn't take crap from anyone and would take down anyone stupid enough to try and hurt her again in any way. I've seen her on too many occasions tearing people to shreds, with both her venomous words and her hands. Hurt them before they hurt you became her mantra for a while.

I guess that's why we all liked Bella so much when she came into our group.

She wasn't like us, corrupted and Irinad. She could still see good in life.

She made us see good. I mean, we had fun before her but when she came it was like we started over. Edward and I didn't fuck as many girls, we didn't need to. Sex wasn't another outlet, it was fun again. Rosalie softened a bit, letting people get closer to her inch by inch. But in Bella's newness we saw a challenge. Break the new toy.

We saw in her a game, to corrupt her as well. We may have got her to play our games but we couldn't touch her core. Who she is, is still who she was only a little more seasoned. Seasoned, but not hardened. I think the things her dad did to her so young made her almost immune to our cruel ways of showing love and affection. But everyone, no matter how strong has a breaking point, a point in which they become ruined. I hope we didn't ruin her.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Edward **_

After a few texts from Jasper asking me if I have heard from Bella, it gets into my head that no one has heard from her. No one cares. I feel so sick that not a one of us aside from Jasper cared enough to drop by her place and see if she was okay. I know everyone was preoccupied with Alice, but I really think that it was no excuse.

Where was she? The uncertainty of her whereabouts plagued me terribly, but obviously not enough to do a thing about it. Drinking since I woke up in the morning had done little to dull my thoughts of her. But still I stayed put. It was driving me mad. I needed to talk to her.

Emmett had been by my place to check on me, the look he gave me only sunk me lower into this depression I was in, but also resolved in me what I had to do.

"Edward man, what are you doing?" Emmett had asked, looking sad and confused. I shook my head, not really knowing what I was doing anymore.

"You need to stop this. I know it's a fucked up situation with Bella, but man if you love her there shouldn't be anything that can get in the way of that." Emmett said.

"I am pretty sure I burnt that bridge when I told her she was disgusting and taunted her with her father abusing her." I retorted finishing off my fifth beer of the morning.

"It's only ruined if you say it is Edward. You know Bella as well as I do. Is she likely to hold a grudge against you for anything?" Emmett asked. I didn't want to answer, because I knew he was right. Bella could never stay mad at anyone for long, it just wasn't her nature. Hate didn't manifest inside her like the rest of us.

"I say you try and find out where the hell she is and talk to her." Emmett said clapping me on the shoulder, a consoling gesture that I didn't deserve.

"Emmett?" I asked as he made to leave

"Yeah bro?" Emmett said turning

"Do you think I deserve her?" I ask knowing the answer before he speaks. Emmett grinned and shook his head.

"No way man. You wouldn't deserve her in a million years, but that's what makes you right for each other. You don't deserve her, you couldn't possibly try, but she loves you anyway, and you love her. That's all that should matter in the end right?" Emmett says before he leaves he turns back to me.

"Oh and Edward? Clean this place up. It smells like beer and burnt toast in this bitch." Emmett says as he closes the door behind him, still shaking his head.

After the talk with Emmett, I cleaned the place up and myself before deciding to head to Bella's place and see where the hell she was.

_**Bella**_

As I approached my apartment, I saw the mop of shaggy blond hair before I saw the man. Jasper, resting against the doorframe looking like he had been there all day. When he spotted me his eyes lit up. He was before me in seconds.

"Bella! Are you okay? I've been checking in at your place all week, you never answered any of my calls. I was worried." He said taking me into his arms and holding me close. I wanted to be mad. I wanted to push him away to show him and all the others that I was done with them and the way they treated me that night. But I couldn't. I craved love, closeness, contact of any kind.

His arms felt too nice, his warmth seemed to warm me too. I needed warmth more than anything right now. I held on tight to him and he kissed my hair. Jasper cared it seemed, but I had been fooled before.

He and Edward, the two best friends who had been practically competing for my attention these last few months were now being weighed in my mind.

Edward or Jasper? My mind heart fought with me that there shouldn't even be an argument, it should be Edward. But who was it that held me in his arms this very moment? Jasper.

He may not have stood up for me with Alice or when Edward was tearing me apart with his words, but he was here and that should mean something right? The small kisses he planted in my hair were now replaced with his fingers smoothing through the tangles in my knotted hair.

"I am so sorry Bella. I can't even begin to tell you how disgusted I am with how we treated you." Jasper whispered. I nodded, not really knowing what to say. A few words were not going to take back the anguish I had been in over the last week. I reluctantly pull away from him and unlock the door to my house. As I go inside I think about closing the door in Jasper's face, but I would only be punishing Jasper for what everyone else did, for what Edward did.

So I invite him in. His face lights up. I manage a small smile too.

"Where were you Bella?" Jasper asks quietly, closing the door behind him.

"I don't really know. I drove and drove." I explain, leaving out the bits about the pills and me hoping for death alone in that room.

"I missed you. I worried for you." Jasper admits and I soften.

"What about everyone else? Do they all hate me now? Just like Alice and Edward?" I ask eyes cast downward.

"No one hates you Bella. How could they? Alice and Edward are idiots, but they don't hate you." Jasper assured me.

"How is Alice doing?" I ask, unable to keep bitterness for her in my heart. I want her to be okay, even if I am not.

"She went home a few days ago and has been resting ever since. She feels awful for treating you like she did. She cried and cried. I have never seen her break down like that. She begged everyone to tell you how sorry she was. She wasn't herself, you know that right?" Jasper said

It felt to me that he was defending everyone, defending Alice, but I said nothing. I didn't want to lose the only friend I had at the moment.

I wanted him to stay for a while, sit with me, comfort me.

"Have you spoken to Edward?" I ask quietly, afraid of even saying his name.

"Briefly, to see if he knew where you were, but that's it. Emmett told me that he isn't doing so great either thought." Jasper explained. I needed to ask him. I had to know what they all were thinking about me and the whole drama starting revelation.

"Do you think I am a bad person for what I did Jasper? Is that what everyone thinks?" I ask, trying my hardest not to break into tears.

"No, not at all. No one is perfect Bella and Edward knows that. How can I or any of us judge you when we have done some pretty wicked things in our time too? We love you Bella, all of us, even if we have a shitty way of showing it." Jasper said convincingly, he always did have a way with words.

I didn't want to, but I cried when Jasper said that. They didn't hate me, they didn't think I was a bad person. But they still didn't care where I disappeared to for a week.

"I am just so tired Jasper." I admitted. Not just physically, mentally as well. My whole being was ready to give up, shut down.

"Do you want me to leave Bella?" Jasper asked softly, his hands trailing up and down my arms, a comforting motion. I don't want him to leave. But I still don't understand why he is really here.

"Jasper? Why are you here?" I ask bluntly,

"Why do you care?"

"Bella, It has always been a competition between me and Edward. He is my best friend and I would never get in the way of something he cares for but then you came along. He loves you and before, that would have been enough to keep me away from you, but he treats you horribly. I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time now Bella. He doesn't deserve you." Jasper said

"I don't understand Jasper." I admit shaking my head.

"You think he deserves you? After all he has done and is still doing?" Jasper asks, his voice rising slightly. I don't want to answer that. I don't want Jasper to know that even if Edward beat me within in inch of my life, I would still be in love him. I would still want him, I would still feel unworthy of him.

"What is it you want from me?" I ask instead, deflecting.

"I want you Bella." Jasper breathed. I shake my head without knowing why. He wants me…so? Plenty of people _want_ me, that doesn't mean they care for me in the least. They just want to use me, fuck me and forget me just like Edward did the first time. I should have learned then. Jasper reads the expression on my face and frowns.

"I didn't mean like that only Bella. Of course I want you physically, but I meant I want you, you the person, not just sex." Jasper explains. I remain quiet. I don't know if I should believe him. They always hurt me when I trust them, I am wary this time.

"Should I leave Bella?" Jasper asks again, and I realize it has been a few minutes without me saying anything. He moves to leave and I feel scared.

Scared that with Jasper leaving, my only ally walks out the door, the only person who cares about me at the moment will be gone.

"Don't leave Jasper. Please. I don't want to be alone." I manage to shout before he closes the door behind him. He turns back and closes and locks my door behind him.

I need a shower badly, and it doesn't seem like a bad idea having Jasper join me. I don't need to say a word, he slips in behind me without invitation.

The water is as hot as I can bear and Jasper presses himself against me and helps me wash. His hands smooth a sponge down my abdomen, dipping down to wash my legs as I let the hot water sluice down my body. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind when I arrived home but now I feel a desperate need in me building.

I feel so lost and alone, I need this, I need him. I place my hands over his and guide them over my body to the places I want to be touched the most.

His fingers are as skilled as ever as they probe inside me gently making me gasp his name as I press back against him, feeling the hard length of him slide up and down. My breasts tingle as they make contact with the cold tiles of the shower where Jasper has me pressed.

He lifts my right leg slightly and he slides himself inside me easily as I am ready for him. With him inside me I am instantly soothed, thoughts that plagued me these last days melt away, too exquisite is the feel of his hardness pumping into my body.

This could be anyone, I tell myself I don't care that its Jasper with me, only that it is someone wanting me, wanting the feel of my body against his. But Jasper's presence has always had a soothing effect on those around him, myself in specific.

My body feels as liquid as the water poring over us, and for a second it is hard for me to imagine that such a delicious feeling is not a drug or alcohol induced feeling. This is pure and natural, our bodies hot and excepting of each others. Jasper grips my leg a bit tighter as his thrusts pick up speed.

We are so slippery and wet that he slides out of me a couple times, only to slam back inside me sending shock waves through me.

If there was ever a time I craved roughness during sex it was now.

Now, because I was starting to think of Edward and how it wasn't his body thrusting behind me, it wasn't his lips kissing down my neck, his breath in my ear.

"Harder Jasper, please go harder." I cry as I feel my body start to shiver in anticipation of the pleasure. Jasper thrusts harder, slamming me roughly against the tiles. I come blindingly, relieved for a moment to think of nothing but the unexplainable bliss of feeling Jasper spill himself inside me, moaning over and over how good I feel to him.

I am glad that I am turned away from him, so he can't see the tears that fill my eyes as I come down from my high.

After we shower, on the verge of passing out, Jasper helps me into bed where he holds me tight. I hate myself for having sex with Jasper just to forget, just to feel something else for a while, but I know I will do it again so I lean into him in bed, feeling his warm naked body against my own.

He whispers small words of comfort, he plants kisses down my shoulders and back as I drift off to sleep and for a few peaceful minutes I forget how horrible I am and how fucked up my life is and enjoy the warmth of Jasper.

_**Edward **_

In the parking garage I spot Bella's SUV in the parking space and I am momentarily pleased that she is now home, but then I spot another car down from hers. Jasper's sleek black sports car. He beat me to her. No use even going up to her apartment, I wanted to talk to her alone, not with Jasper there making me look bad. Time is what she needs I guess.

I will give her some time and space from me. Next week I will talk to her, next week she will know how sorry I am. She will know the depths of my disgust with myself. But will she forgive me? I can't even imagine.

_**Jasper**_

Wrong, wrong, wrong. I know it. She was hurting and weak and I took advantage of it, but I can't feel any guilt. All is fair in love and war right?

I had to get to her any way possible and having sex with her was not something I could ever walk away from. She needed someone to comfort her. Did that necessarily mean me? No, of course she would have preferred Edward, but that is my new mission. Make her forget him. Make her love me. Only me.

I have to show her that Edward will only hurt her again and again like he always has.

Over and over she has let his abuse of her slide and it has to stop.

She sleeps the whole next day, as I silently straighten out her place.

I want to be here when she wakes up so I occupy myself with chores that I don't even do for myself.

Laundry baffles me as I try to figure out how to work the machine I notice a box behind the detergent.

It's an expensive designer shoe box, but when I open it I find no shoes.

Instead there are photos, letters and a small notebook that looks like a diary.

I can't help it, I open that as well. The first entry in the book is dated at almost a year ago.

She talks of how she just met a boy at her favorite bookstore and how he invited her to a movie with him. On and on she talks about Edward.

It's like she was instantly obsessed with him. I skip on till I note an entry that has smaller handwriting, almost as if she doesn't want anyone to be able to read it.

After squinting I see that she is writing of a nightmare she had during her first week staying at Edward's place. She writes of the nightmare, of how her father was there and he was slicing her, creating score marks all over her body.

Like a sick sort of tally.

In her dream she says how after her father is done with the slicing there is only a tiny space left on her that is not marked. As her father fades away, Edward appears in her dream and kisses the only unmarked spot on her skin and his lips leave a brand mark on her flesh.

Then she woke up from the dream. I cannot help but think of what this means to her, that after her father hurt her, she only ever had enough room to love one person and she gave it all to Edward. I want to put the book down, but I spend the next hour propped up against the washing machine thumbing through the pages for anything of interest. But everything is of interest.

When she writes of her first time with Edward, I am glued to the pages.

It is something that I burned to know since the moment I knew he was the one to take her virginity. She writes of the experience like it too is a dream.

When she tells about his lips on hers, her writing gets curvier, happier.

I read one particular line over and over again.

'When he put himself inside me, I felt whole. The part of me that I thought had been destroyed was back again. The small moment of pain was just the pieces being sewn back together.'

Those words stuck with me even as I flipped through other entries. She thought he put her together again. How could I ever compete with someone she felt this way for? I tried not to dwell on that fact as I read on.

The last pages that had writing were just quick bits, not whole entries like before.

They all said very vague things like 'I love him too much to ever go back the old me.' and 'I hate that I will never be enough' all of which were lacking a date. When I closed the book, I felt I knew Bella a bit better but not in a good way.

It was not helping me to know that she is obsessed with Edward even more than I anticipated. That her every waking thought is of him.

To me this means that I may have her with me, but her heart is elsewhere.

I have to change that.

I give up on the laundry endeavor after just one load. I am probably not doing it right anyway. I watch her for a while as she sleeps and its impossible for me to understand how anyone can walk away from her. She is everything a man could want and more and yet time and time again she is alone and lost.

When she wakes the peaceful look that moments ago graced her face is gone. A look of panic floods her features as she looks around the dark room and doesn't see me as she begins to sob uncontrollably. She finally spots me sitting in her arm chair as I get up and go to her, gathering her into my arms as she breaks down even more and cries.

"I thought I was alone." She says manages to say.

Not 'I thought you left me Jasper' But its enough.

"Its okay." I sooth "I am here and I won't leave you if you don't want me to." She nods and wipes her eyes, embarrassed I think, that she cried so easily.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, knowing she has to be. She shakes her head in the affirmative.

I get up to see if she has something to put together a dinner.

"There isn't anything in there Jazz." She says following me into the kitchen dressed in a frilly nightgown she must have just thrown on and barefooted.

She looks so small, hair falling in messy waves down her back, her eyes still not wide awake and I feel pleased hearing her call me 'Jazz.' It sounds just like my name would sound from the mouth of a woman who loves me. But maybe I am imagining that part.

"Well then, how about I go and get us something real quick then?" I ask a bit too cheerfully.

"If you don't mind…Or we could just order something?" She asks tentatively.

"Its four am Bella, no one delivers at four am. I will just go grab something." I assure her. She nods as I return to the room and pull on my shirt and shoes. I lean in to kiss her before I go and she seems surprised by the gesture but lets me kiss her all the same.

She watches me dazedly from the doorway as I make my way to the parking lot. Before I go to get food, I decide to stop in at my place for some clothes and stuff so I don't have to leave unnecessarily later on.

After stopping at the 24 hour fast food place, I buy way too much food because I realize I don't know what Bella wants or likes so I buy anything and everything she might want.

In the car it occurs to me that I could have called and asked her but I feel like that's not something Edward would do if he was out getting something for her. He would just know what she wanted. Which only serves to irritate me. That he knows her better than I do. That he always will.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Bella**_

After sleeping for so long, the only thing I want to do is eat and then sleep some more. Jasper was here when I woke, but it didn't chase away all of the panic I felt when I awoke and thought I was alone.

I didn't cry because I thought I was alone. I thought I was alone, so I woke up and cried, a reaction to life I couldn't control any more than my breathing. I cried because it was the only thing short of sex or hurting myself that gave me relief. I was surprised to actually find Jasper still here. I thought he would have went home. I don't know how he can manage to be so nice to me, when even I hate myself. I take the time he is gone to change into some sweats and a t-shirt and to find my phone.

Once I locate it underneath the bed and stick it on the charger I watch it patiently as it gains enough juice to turn on.

I don't really know what I am expecting to find on my phone, but I just have to see if there is something there at all. Something from Edward.

Maybe he called? Or texted? Or even left a message? I feel unexplained anticipation in the prospect. As my phone powers on I try to calmly review the list of missed calls and texts. There are about fifty missed calls and texts. I see his name on the list of callers. Then the reality of my situation sets in yet again.

I remember that everyone hates me. So what if he called, no one said he would call for something good. He could have very well called to tell me some more things he forgot to say at the hospital.

Maybe he needed to call me a whore and say he hated me some more?

I really should just leave it alone, delete everything and forget it. I put my phone on the coffee table but I immediately grab it back, my hand closing around it tightly.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I listen to the stream of voicemails.

The first few are from Jasper, sounding worried. Another handful are from Rosalie and Emmett both asking if I am okay and if I need anything. They all sound genuinely concerned and worried for me as Jasper sounded.

Rosalie's are a bit more lengthy as she talks about Alice and how she is doing and what a evil little bitch she is for doing what she did. She added before she hung up, 'You know we all love you regardless Bella right? Nothing changes that, please remember that if nothing else.' The words make me feel a little better.

I feel like it still might be possible to be friends with some of these people, after all is said and done. As I near the end of the voicemails I get a little scared that there might not have been a message from Edward at all.

Two voicemails left and my stomach starts to rumble and not just from hunger.

I hear Alice's small voice and I listen closely. She sobs for most of the message before she can manage complete sentences.

'_You're my best friend Bella!' _She screeches

'_Please don't hate me.' _I start to cry again just listening to the pain in her voice. It is gut wrenching to hear my best friend, the only thing close to family I have left in the world cry.

'_No one else loves me like you do Bella, no one ever has.' _Alice cries. I know instantly that I will forgive her, maybe not immediately but soon. Once the beeping cuts her off I take in a breath as I hear the most lovely voice on the planet through my phone. I feel my insides melt as he says my name.

'_Bella? I hate talking to a machine, so if your up for it, give me a call.' _Edward says softly into the phone. I choke a bit on my tears as replay the message over again. He doesn't sound angry with me. He doesn't sound like he hates me. He sounds sad, just like me. I sit debating whether or not I should call him. I have played his voicemail about twenty times now.

The urge to hear his real time voice wins out and I dial his number. As it rings I try to think of what to say. Do I apologize? Do I just act normal and wait for him to say something? The click that signals he has answered cuts off my thoughts.

"Hello?" Edward says sounding hoarse and groggy. I exhale into the receiver. I remember that is four am and he was likely sleeping as he asks again

"Hello? Bella? Is that you?" He says his voice sounding excited. Just as I am about to speak the front door rattles. Jasper trying to open the locked door. I don't know why but I hang up the phone and quickly stash it under a cushion on the couch and go to open the door for Jasper.

He is all smiles as he comes in with too many bags of food. He says he didn't know how hungry I was so he got a little of everything. I laugh as I see he really did get a one of everything they had.

We eat our little fast food feast on the floor in my living room as Jasper rattles on about this and that, trying to distract me I think. I force a smile, but I can't forget the sound of Edward's voice moments ago. I wanted so bad to say just one word to him, let him know I was there. He sounded so anxious and excited in just those few words.

I eye the cushion that hides my phone, as I listen to Jasper. He notices my distant behavior and pauses in his story.

"Bella? Are you okay?" He asks looking at the cushion too, trying to figure out what I am staring at.

"Yeah, sorry. I am just a little off right now. What were you saying?" I ask trying to cover but I still can't take my eyes away from the couch where my phone is hidden. It's childish really of me to hide it. I mean its not like I am not allowed to talk to Edward or anything right?

But I know why I am afraid. I don't know what the situation between Edward and myself is at the moment and I don't think if he decides to cut me off for good, I can stand to be alone.

I need Jasper here, its messed up but I need him as sort of insurance.

If I break, he will be here for me, to help me put the pieces back together.

Jasper continues talking but is interrupted by a vibrating sound. Shit. My phone. I look around innocently, like I have no idea what the sound could be.

Jasper looks at me then reaches under the cushions of the couch and feels around for the source of the noise. His hand emerges seconds later with my phone as it continues to vibrate loudly.

"I was wondering where that was." I say as Jasper looks at the screen and frowns before handing me it. His full lips pout as I take it from him.

"I guess you should take that. I will clean up in here." Jasper say rising but not looking at me. This is it. The moment I knew would come. I have to choose. With Jasper, my future is sure. I know what I will have with him. He will treat me right, he will love me, care for me. He would never do anything to hurt me, and would make sure no one else tried to hurt me. He is stable and secure in himself. Steady blue eyes forever adoring me or tempestuous green eyes always shrouded with the unknown.

My future with Edward is a series of unknowns. He may want me, but he may not. He may hurt me, but he would be sorry about it. He might take me now, but drop me later like he has done before. With Jasper, I would be content, comfortable. With Edward I would be happy. Blue or Green? I feel like I am choosing which wire to cut in order to dismantle a bomb. Only I am the bomb. Which one will leave me intact at the end? Do I choose Blue, the safe content route? Or Green, the great unknown?

Is content on the same level as happy? I know its not. But this time around, I would rather be safe than sorry. I hear Jasper quietly clearing up in the kitchen and I go to him. He doesn't turn as I stand behind him and hitch myself onto the counter.

The muscles in his back tense as he tries to ignore me behind him.

I take the back off of my phone and remove the battery and sit it on the counter next to me, effectively crushing my own heart with my choice.

"Jasper." I whisper and run a soothing hand down the hardened muscles of his back. He turns and his eyes fall first on my phone without its battery on the counter, and he raises an eyebrow at me.

"I don't understand Bella." Jasper says shaking his head, stray strands of his blond hair fall into his eyes.

"Neither do I." I say pulling him closer to me. He takes me in his arms and holds onto me tightly and I wrap my legs round his waist, he snuggles his head in the crook of my neck and I can feel him breathing in deeply.

"You know I will always do anything to make you happy right Bella?" Jasper asks peering into my eyes.

"I know." I say burying my face in his chest. You'll try, I think to myself, and I will try to let it be enough for me when I know all I want in the end is not Jasper, it's Edward. I wish I was brave enough to choose Green over Blue, I wish I could say to hell with the consequences and just let the explosion rock us, but I can't. I'll stick with the safety of Blue. It's the only way I can stay whole.

_**Edward**_

She called. She didn't speak but I know she was there. I wanted so desperately to hear just a word from her but nothing came through. Breathing, don't ask me how but I know it was her breathing. I called back praying she would pick up, and say something to me, anything. No answer. I tried a few more times then the last time it went straight to her voicemail again and I hung up not knowing what I could tell her voicemail that would make her know…

How very sorry I was. How much I miss everything about her. How much I adore her. How I would kill to be with her. But those aren't the kinds of thing one should say on the phone, certainly not to a voicemail box.

_Two months later… _

_**Bella **_

Days with Jasper pass quickly. I made my choice, but it still doesn't feel any better. Everyday I still cry for Edward, but each day I find it a little easier to stop once I've started. Things have gotten almost back to normal.

Nights at the club are back on, and everyone gets on like nothing ever happened. They all welcomed me back like I'd simply taken a vacation.

Alice and I are not exactly best friends again but we are on speaking terms.

I've decided to forgive her, but not to forget. I will always be wary of her.

We sit together tonight, me and her talking about nothing in particular and it does sort of feel like the bad things never happened. I look around and I see Jasper watching me. Our eyes meet then he goes back to talking to James. He does that.

Every time I make a move his eyes are on me, waiting it seems. I tell myself he is just making sure I am alright, but it feels an awful lot like he is making sure I don't run for it.

So far we have managed to avoid being in the same room as Edward for more than a few minutes but I don't know how much longer Jasper can hide me and dodge him at the same time. I know Jasper hates avoiding Edward, I can see it in his eyes every time he does it. He and Edward were the best of friends since they were toddlers and he loves him as a brother. It's my doing and I know it and I hate it.

The first time I set eyes on Edward since the hospital incident, I had to flee. We had been having drinks at Rosalie's place with everyone and it was still very early when Edward arrived. He looked around and his eyes landed on me.

I immediately felt hot and cold at the same time. I stammered some lame excuse to Riley that I wasn't feeling to great and me and Jasper went back to my place.

Jasper didn't ask any questions, just lay beside me that night and kept his arms wrapped around me as fought myself not to shove him away from me. The second time we saw him at the club, but he was in the closet for the most part and when he finally did emerge with Irina on his arm he was too wasted to even notice me.

I was both thankful and saddened by this for no good reason except that I am never going to be stable when it comes to that boy. Today when Edward enters the room I have a practiced indifferent look as he settles across the room, talking softly to Rosalie. I feel Jasper's eyes on me again so I keep my face to Alice, but my whole body is screaming for just one more look at Edward.

_**Edward **_

"Do you really think she is serious about him? C'mon Edward, as soon as you walk in her eyes zone in on your." Rosalie says when she spots me giving Jasper a less than friendly look.

"I don't know Rosalie, I never thought I would hate my best friend but right now I hate him. I want to rip his heart out." I admit still not looking at her but at him looking at her. When I am in the room, he never looks at me.

Instead he looks at her, waiting for her reaction.

"It's because he knows." Rosalie says reading my thoughts.

"He knows she still loves you. She can try to pretend that Jasper is the one for her but we all can see that its an ill fit." Rosalie soothes. I want to believe her so bad. I want to believe that Bella just needs time to realize that I am the one for her and to forgive. She will see that Jasper could never love her like I love her.

"Rosalie? Do you think you could do me a favor?" I ask and she nods.

"I want to talk to her but she never answers my calls and I can never get a moment alone with Jasper watching her like a hawk." I explain.

"So what do you want to do?" Rosalie asks

"Could you invite her over to your place next week? Just her, I will be there already and she and I can talk in the safety of your apartment." I tell her.

She ponders it for a moment then nods.

"You know I am not taking sides with you and Jasper right Edward? I am just doing what's right. Jasper doesn't belong with her. You may have fucked up epically in the past but I know you're the one Bella needs to be with. If it was Jasper she was meant to be with I would leave things alone but I know it has to be you." Rosalie explains looking over at Jasper sadly.

"How do you know?" I ask

"I know her. She will never be able to get over you. She is trying but I know it won't work. There is too much of you in her system. You are always going to be the one. I don't really understand it but I know it." Rosalie says sighing.

"Jasper won't let her go. Unless she leaves they will stay together. I wish I could talk to him like we used to." I said shaking my head.

"What do you mean? Why can't you talk to him now? You two are still best friends, nothing changes that I hope." Rosalie said.

"Its different now. We are after the same girl. We are not on the same side anymore. I miss being able to talk to him about anything at all. I trust Jasper with my life, but he had to know how I felt about her. And he still pursued her." I explained.

"I wouldn't really say he pursued her Edward. More like picked up the slack you left. Jasper is a good guy, he wasn't just going to leave a girl he cared about to suffer because his best friend decided to drop her. I mean you said and did some pretty shitty things to that girl Edward and you know it." She countered.

"I know how horrible I am Rosalie, everyday I sit and think of what a shit I am for talking to her like I did. For doing things to her. I can't take it back but this time I want to try and be better, if there even is a 'this time'." I explained.

"There is Edward. There is still time for you." Rosalie said.

I took a deep breath and couldn't for the life of me understand why Rosalie didn't hate me too. Why everyone didn't. Alice had told everyone what I did to Bella, that I had raped her.

Rosalie of all people should want me dead, but here she was comforting me. I had to know, even if it brought up old wounds.

"Rosalie? How can you even think of helping me when you know about what I did to Bella?" I ask not meeting her eyes, its too hard to lift my head.

"I am not going to pretend that it was okay for you to do that to her Edward, but I am also not going to pretend to even slightly understand the demented little relationship the two of you have. And if she can get over it, so can I." Rosalie said.

"Oh and FYI, she told us about that incident a little while after it happened so this wasn't headline news to me." Rosalie added.

I smiled a little and Rosalie dealt me a swift hard punch to the chest.

"Don't ever hurt her again Edward. I am warning you." She said with a smile before rising to get a drink leaving me alone with my thoughts and guilt.

_**Bella**_

I imagined Edward during sex with Jasper that night. When we got back to my place, I changed into a t-shirt and I immediately popped a few Percocets with Xanax and went off to the bedroom where Jasper had just taken a quick shower and emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

I paused just to look at him. I always did have a weakness for beauty, and Jasper was one beautiful man. His blond hair looked darker from the water that still dripped from the tips. A few droplets still clung to his chest and ran down his abdomen. He saw my eyes wandering and smiled at me and motioned me over.

I knew the pills would be taking effect soon and I couldn't turn down the good high feeling combined with sex so I stripped too. As Jasper kissed a trail down my stomach, I began pretending it was Edward.

I didn't even realize I was doing it until I almost called out his name when Jasper's mouth reached home. I caught myself and gasped instead. Jasper grinned up at me, proud of his work. When he entered me I purposely imagined Edward.

The intimate way he would lean in and nip at my neck on the inward thrusts, the little words of love and appreciation he would mumble into my ear right before he came, his breath ticking me as I would follow him into bliss. I tried to chase the thoughts away but it was no use. His skin even smelt like Edward's in that instant. Not that Jasper isn't a good lover, that isn't it at all. Jasper is attentive, he feels and notices the slight changes in my breathing and movements of my body.

He knows what I like and don't and is more that equipped to please me.

But…He isn't Edward. He can't replace the man that gave me my first pleasurable sexual experience, he just can't come close. No one can really.

So as Jasper lifts my legs higher, and he slips deeper inside me…I let myself pretend its Edward. Edward thrusting surely, Edward bringing me to the brink and Edward spilling inside me as we finish. Afterwards I feel guilty. I feel like I have in some small way betrayed Jasper, who really is the man keeping me alive right now.

The least he deserves is my full participation in sex with him but as I think of it I begin to resent Jasper. Jasper who is so very insightful and intuitive, but he can't sense that I don't really love him. Maybe he does and just can't care about trivial things like love, but for me it's a constant plague within me, and I know that before the week is done I have to see Edward. Have to.

After sex, Jasper tries to hold me and I push him away this time.

It makes me squirm in my skin for some unknown reason and he looks at me questioningly but I turn away. He strokes a comforting hand down my back and I sigh letting him know its me, not him.

He falls asleep and I lie awake listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing and wonder why I cannot simply be happy with what I have. He is more than I deserve. If I made my choice, why am I burning inside feeling like there is still a choice to be made?


	14. Chapter 14

**Bella**

Rosalie calls me early one morning while I am still in bed, about a week after I last saw Edward at her place and invites me over for some girl time that I desperately need so I immediately agree and we set a time for the next day.

Jasper has settled into my place easily. He still keeps his apartment, but has so many things at my place that it seems like he lives there.

After I hang up the phone with Rosalie, I feel Jasper snake his arms around me and pull me close.

"Who was that?" Jasper asks his voice scratchy with sleep.

"Rosalie, we are having a girls day tomorrow." I answer in a clipped tone, then I realize I am being resentful again to him and I lean back into him, stroking his arms.

"You okay Bella? You haven't really been yourself lately. Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper says softly, not wanting to anger me.

"I know, its not you Jasper." I lie. Well, half lie.

"Then what?" He prods.

"I guess I am just adjusting to being back with the group and everything being normal after all that happened." I say which is true, but not the real reasoning behind my mood lately.

"I see. I know we all behaved like assholes to you Bella, but I think the others are trying to be normal to make it easier you know?" Jasper tries to explain.

"Kinda, I get it. But I just can't bounce back that easily. You don't know what I went through those couple of days I was gone, but I never want to feel that low again." I explain.

"You wont, I swear." Jasper promises. I don't say anything else.

Instead I head to the bathroom, in need of a pill of some sort to get me through my day.

The bathroom is tidy but there are a few towels on the floor from Jasper's shower last night, and his shampoo is spilled inside the tub.

It has a pleasant eucalyptus scent that is somewhat familiar, I feel my stomach turn uncomfortably as I try to recall the scent but can't.

I try to rinse the mess out but it dried there overnight and doesn't want to rinse clean. This infuriates me and I tear the rest of the towels off the bar and throw them on the floor. Anger is bubbles under my skin and I can't explain why. I shove all the toiletries off of the counter top and rip the shower curtain off the hooks.

I shove things around and I hear something break but I don't look to see what. I don't even realize I am snarling and screaming until Jasper burst into the bathroom and looks at me like I've lost my mind. I sit down on the toilet feeling a little drained after my outburst.

"Are you okay Bella? What happened?" Jasper asks softly and I don't have an answer this time.

The smell, I remember why the shampoo smelt familiar now. The scent that clung to Jasper's skin last night. Edward uses the same shampoo.

"When did you get this shampoo?" I ask and I know I sound insane the second the words leave my mouth.

"That shampoo? I bought it the other day why?" Jasper asks cautiously.

"Its spilled all over the tub!" I shriek.

"Uh, sorry? I will clean it up okay?" Jasper replies gently, he is treading softly with me.

"Was that why you broke the mirror? If you don't like the shampoo I will get rid of it okay?" He says. I look up at the mirror and see that its shattered and there are pieces all over the countertop.

That must be what I broke.

"Get rid of it." I demand. Jasper cautiously take the bottle from the shower and drops it into the trash calmly.

I put my head in my hands and take a few breaths, wondering why I am freaking out like this and when I look up again I notice blood on my hands.

"Bella, you cut yourself. Can I look at it?" Jasper ask and moves towards me slowly like I might attack him. His eyes are filled with concern as he takes my hands in his and slowly inspects it. I look away as he cleans away the blood from both hands.

"You cut your right hand, its not too bad though." He says wrapping a towel around it, I can't really feel it so I believe him.

"I'm gonna go grab the first aid kit, I will be right back." he says softly. I nod but keep my head turned away from him. I don't want him to see me crying. When he returns he bandages up my hand and I look down at him kneeling in front of me.

He places a small kiss over the bandaged hand and I bite my lip. Why does this man care for me?

"Bella, I love you. I don't know what's wrong but you know you can tell me anything right?" He says steadily. I pull my hand away and shove past him out of the bathroom feeling like a horrible human being but vindicated at the same time.

_**Rosalie **_

As I smoke a joint lounging across my sofa, I watch Edward pace back and forth. He gets up about twenty times then sits back down only to jump up and fix his hair, straighten his clothes and wring his hands.

I haven't in all the years I've known the boy seen him behave like this and that is how I know I was right about him and Bella. He loves her. I know no one in the world will ever love Bella the way Edward does. She is in his blood and him in hers. They just got to figure out a way for this to work already.

Sure there is the small problem of Jasper, but I also know that what he feels for Bella is not the same as what Edward feels, not by a long shot.

Jasper loves her, but I think in the same way I love her, the same way we all love her.

We all want her around, there is just something so refreshing and unique about her. When I first meet her I liked her, and that fact made me want to hate her. I never like anyone the first time I meet them so what made her so special? For a few weeks after meeting her, I tried again and again to hate her but what was there to hate?

She has the purest heart of anyone I'd ever known. She had been through shit, I could see that even if no one else could, but she didn't let it seep into her. The real her. She still loved, and she loved with her whole heart and to me that said something. She still had the balls to love after all she had been through, she could still trust.. I worried about her living with Edward initially because I knew what Edward did to girls like her and I didn't want to see her ruined. But there was no stopping that train wreck. They were drawn to each other even if it meant harm to the one of them. I expected her to leave his house ruined, broken and changed. She was changed, that much was true. She was even a little broken, but she wasn't ruined. She kept herself together somehow. And every time she let her guard down, he slipped in and sucker punched her right in the gut. To his credit, he didn't do it on purpose. It was his nature to take what he wanted and not ask questions. But he loves Bella, that much is apparent. Watching Jasper tote Bella on his arm was becoming painful to watch. Anyone could see that when she smiled it didn't reach her eyes. When she laughed, the sound had no life to it. And when Edward was in the room, her spine stiffened and her cheeks turned red. Her lips would open and close, like a fish out of water.

She stole glances at him but was very sly about it as Jasper watched her every move. You would think that the guy would be watching Edward waiting for something to happen, but it was the other way. He watched Bella, to see if she was watching Edward. And Edward? He watched Jasper! Bella watching Edward watching Jasper watching Bella!

Such a fucked up little circle. I knew then that if they weren't going to do anything about this then it would have to be me.

"Sit the fuck down Edward and stay seated until she gets here." I bark at him tired of watching him pace.

"Sorry, it just that I am thinking what to say to her and nothing comes to mind and what if she just leaves? Doesn't even give me a chance to talk to her?" Edward asks his voice cracking.

"What if this and what if that…Man, shut up about that and this. Just let it all go. When she is in front of you, you will know what to say okay?" I reply. Edward smiles and it is truly a lovely thing to behold. I have always had a soft spot for the boy. Everyone always thought he and I would end up together when we were younger. Don't know why. Guess because we had a lot in common for a while, or something.

None of us ever dated one another 'exclusively' but he and I did try each other out a few times and I wasn't complaining but my taste always leaned more towards the elder Cullen boy. The bigger, meatier brother Emmett. I have never let on, but when the time is right, it will happen or it won't. I can wait.

I have been through enough to know not to rush things if they don't need to be rushed.

Now Edward and Bella are a totally different story. They need to be rushed, least they make the wrong choices and regret them later when there is nothing left to do but suffer with their decisions.

If I can help it, they will make the right choice this time and save each other the undue heartache. The doorbell rings and its show time. Edward jumps up and looks a little pale.

"Now you sit until she is securely in the apartment okay? Otherwise she is going to feel like she is being ambushed by you." I bark at Edward as he shakes a little and sits. I take a breath before opening the door and put a smile on my face.

"Bella!" I shout and she hugs me tightly and smiles a real smile back at me. Not one of those fake smiles she has been sporting with Jasper. She looks tired as I welcome her in. Her hand is wrapped up in gauze and I ask her what the hell happened.

She starts telling me about how she freaked out on Jasper yesterday for nothing and she broke the mirror in the bathroom in the process. She says she doesn't even remember how it happened, she just starting trying to destroy her bathroom and Jasper walked in and tried to calm her down. She takes off her coat and makes her way to the living room.

I know the instant she spots him because not only does she stop speaking, she takes in a breath so sharply I am sure she is going to pass out any second if she doesn't let it go.

"Bella." Edward says softly and she lets the breath go. Like she was waiting to see if he was real before she dare let her breath go.

"Edward." She says in a breathy voice and his face relaxes into a small smile. I stand at the doorway to the living room waiting. I don't know what they are going to do. It reminds me of introducing new dogs to each other.

The way they will size each other up and either beat the crap out of each other, or start to play and chase each other around.

When Bella runs to Edward I am still not sure which way this thing is going to go. Then they are kissing and the moment feels much to intimate for me to be watching so I head to my room.

_**Edward **_

I could feel my pulse raging in my head when she stood there in the door way. Her lips quivered when I said her name and she let her breath go.

Was it possible to smell someone from across the room? I swear I could smell Bella. From behind Bella I could see Rosalie watching wearily leaning on the doorframe. Ready to referee any moment.

Then Bella said my name and my heart felt like it would burst as she ran to me and kissed me. Rosalie quietly slipped away as we kissed until we had to come up for air. Bella grinned at me and leaned back into me as I took her bottom lip between my teeth, her legs straddled each side of my thighs and I pulled her closer wanting to feel more of what I had been so desperately missing.

She slipped her hands through my hair and tugged gently and I moaned into her mouth. Her taste wasn't something I could ever do without, I know that now. She was rocking her body into mine now, an unconscious act on her part but it made me very aware of how close our pelvises were to each other.

Her hands left my hair and ran up under my shirt and traced the muscles of my back. I moaned again and tugged her shirt over her head breaking our kiss for a moment. When my hands went to her breasts we were interrupted by Rosalie's voice shouting from her bedroom.

"You guys better not have sex on my couch! Its brand new. Get your asses to the guestroom!" She shouted. Bella and I both burst into laughter as I scooped her up into my arms and ran with her to the guestroom on the other side of the apartment.

It felt a little like the morning after we were first together. When I came out of the shower and caught Bella running naked to the bedroom. We were tentative around each other. We didn't really know what to expect. That's what it feels like when I lay Bella on the bed and tug down her jeans and panties in one move, she turns a little red but doesn't cover herself.

She knows she never has to be embarrassed of her body with me. She is perfection. I yank off my own shirt and pull down my jeans and laugh as Bella struggles out of her bra. When she finally gets the clasps undone I stop laughing and go right for her breasts. They fit perfectly in my hand, and I resist squeezing them like a horny teenager.

I want her so desperately and when she cries a soft "Please", I have to be inside her. I let the tip of penis slip in. She sighs softly but soon her cries grow louder as I push all the way in. I can't even think. I want to go slower and savor this moment, but I can't. I need this too badly, no one else feels like her.

Her heat is unbearably delicious and I crave more of it as I thrust faster and faster into her. Never enough. It will never be enough. I will always want more of her.

She cries out and wraps her legs around my waist as she comes and her quivering and shaking brings me over. I am vaguely aware that I am growling as I come inside her, but I don't care.

When I collapse atop her I want to freeze time and stay with her like this forever. Maybe we would have but Rosalie comes knocking a couple hours later and says we can't stay in there all day and I think, 'why not?' But I don't say it.

I know Bella and I should talk but I can't bring myself to break this blissful moment we have.

Bella rests her head on my chest and sighs again but this time it is a sigh of content. She is satisfied. Talking can wait. I brush strands of her hair away from her face and lean in to kiss her and she is so deliciously warm I want to crush her to pieces.

_**Rosalie**_

Bella and Edward hadn't really taken the route that I hoped. At least twice a week they were meeting at my place and disappearing into the guestroom, not to be seen for a few hours.

Now its none of my business if this is the way they want to do things, but I don't want to be the lie they use to keep Jasper in the dark. I wanted them together, but I don't want them to destroy Jasper in the process by doing this to him. Jasper may not be right for Bella, but he doesn't deserve to be torn to shreds.

"Bella? Can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask as she finally emerges from my guestroom. She looks down guiltily, and nods following me to the kitchen. I serve us both a shot of tequila and we sit.

"I already know what your going to say Rosalie." Bella says after choking down her shot and biting into a wedge of lime.

"Do you?" I ask.

"Yes, you don't like what me and Edward are doing." She states.

"Well, its not that. I would have no problem with it if you two were being honest. What about Jasper? You can't just string him along like this Bella." I scold without meaning to.

"I know." She manages and I see her bottom lip quivering, she is trying not to cry.

"I just…I don't want to hurt Jasper, I like being with him and he treats me right. Edward, uh I don't even know. I am so confused Rosalie. I just want to be happy and I know I am not going to be happy with Jasper." Bella confessed.

"You just have to suck it up Bella and let Jasper know what's going on." I insist. She nods but doesn't say anything.

"Have you and Edward talked about this?" I ask.

"A bit. He says the same thing as you, that I should tell Jasper and get it over with but I feel like Jasper deserves a little more than me telling him that I don't want to be with him by confessing that I have been sleeping with Edward for the past few weeks." Bella explains.

"It is going to hurt him no matter when you tell him. Best do it now before things get worse." I sigh. I know there is no easy way to do these things.

"Tonight. At the club tonight I will tell him and break things off." Bella says shakily and I know how hard this is for her. Jasper is her crutch, if Edward drops her again, she is going to hit the ground harder than ever with no one to help her back up. She doesn't one hundred percent trust that Edward isn't going to hurt her.

I pray this time Edward has really changed, that he won't mess things up again, for both his sake and Bella's. As she sits looking down at her hands numbly I know that she won't be able to survive another kick from Edward. Right on cue, the devil walks in the kitchen with jeans slung low on his hips, hair mussed from bed looking sleepy but happy. He walks over and gives Bella a gentle kiss on the cheek and smiles at me.

"You, If you mess this up I will kill you. Do you hear me?" I ask him

His smile fades and he knows what I mean.

"I won't I swear." He says seriously.

"Good." I say and reach out and slap him across the face hard enough to make my own hand sting from the force. His mouth gapes open and Bella yelps and says my name in shock.

"What the fuck was that for?" Edward asks, looking at me with disbelief.

"So you don't forget my warning." I say then lean in and kiss the cheek I just slapped and head to my room to shower and get ready for the night. Sometimes you have to have a firm hand with these kids.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: So this is a pretty angst/morbid chapter. Please let me know what you think, there is only one chapter after this so enjoy!**_

_**Bella**_

I am afraid. Afraid to hurt Jasper. Afraid of giving myself wholly to Edward. Afraid that I will need that crutch after all is said and done. I don't want to hurt again, I never want the that feeling of worthlessness back. But I know I have to do it. I have to tell him.

I am getting ready for the night at the club, standing in front of the mirror in my underwear when Jasper snakes his arms around me and I shake, his touch scares me for some reason. He feels me shiver and begins trailing kisses down my back and neck. He is in his boxers and I see I have gotten a rise out of him from doing nothing but be afraid. I tell myself over and over again that he doesn't know, he doesn't know.

He smiles at me wickedly in the mirror then he is bending me forward over the sink. He tugs my underwear down to my knees and moves my legs apart some and then he is taking his penis out of his boxers and rubbing it up and down my buttocks. I sigh and clutch the sink tightly.

I can't really refuse Jasper his last time with me now can I? Plus, I can't deny that I want this. His rubbing feels good and I push my behind back against him. He reaches a hand around the front of me and pinches my clit hard and unexpectedly. I scream out. In pain and in pleasure. I like it.

He pulls my hips back, bending me even more and while still pinching my clit, shoves inside me roughly. I moan in pleasure and after just a few fast thrusts, he pulls out.

Without a word he grabs my arm hard, his fingers biting into my flesh and tugs me into the bedroom. I stumble along unable to think. He pushes me to the floor in front of him.

"Suck my cock." He demands and I feel a flood of wetness at his crude words. Jasper is usually the gentle lover, attentive and careful. Sometimes a little rough, but no where near as hard and rough as I like it. Something is different.

I look up at him and he repeats his command and even tugs my head forward to his penis. I take the tip of him in my mouth and suck him hard and take as much as I can of him. His head falls back and I run a hand down his stomach and he looks down at me eyes blazing.

Suddenly he thrusts forward grasping my hair for leverage and starts to fuck my mouth, gagging me with his cock. It is hard to breath but it only turns me on more. What the fuck is wrong with me? After a handful of thrust I shove at him because he is hurting my throat and he lets me go.

I cough and wipe my mouth he pushes me forward against the bed.

He disappears for a moment, then comes back with a scarf and is tugging me to the foot of the bed. He binds both my wrists above me to the foot board so that I am facing the bed and he is behind me.

I am a little nervous as to what he is doing, but my need to be fucked out weighs the fear. He tugs my panties the rest of the way off and reaches around to stuff them in my mouth. I moan loudly into them since my screams will be muffled. Jasper really hasn't said anything to me aside from 'Suck my cock' So I don't know if he is playing this whole dominate thing or if he is serious.

When he delivers several stinging spanks to my bare ass, I start to think he is serious. After both buttocks are burning, I feel him rubbing himself along the crack again. I am creaming for him as he slowly and deliberately pushes his penis against my opening. I want him so bad right now.

He strokes near my clit and I gasp, he is so close. He teases the tip of himself inside me again and I wiggle trying to push more of him inside me.

I wish that my hands were free so that I could touch my clit.

Since he pinched it so hard, it seems to be super sensitive to any movement. So every time he gets close, I start to feel the pleasure but its gone too quickly. Finally he thrust inside me hard, without warning, shoving his entire length inside me in one stroke.

I scream out and try to squeeze myself around him but it still isn't enough. He presses his front against my back and I feel his chest slick with sweat as he reaches my chest and grasps a breast in each hand. He pinches the nipples hard enough to make me scream out and make my vagina quiver but he still isn't moving inside me.

He is shaking with the need to thrust inside me but he is fighting it.

Instead he pulls out and slaps the lips of my sex the same way Emmett had when we had our night together. Jasper flips me over and my arms twist at an odd angle but now at least I can look into his eyes.

He looks menacing, hot, dangerous and hard. He pushes into me again and this time we are face to face as he thrusts slowly inside me again. From the front my clit gets the attention from his pubic bone rubbing over it. He starts to thrust harder and faster, slamming me into the bed frame with abandon.

It hurts. My wrist burn from the chaffing of the scarf holding them captive, but the feel of him thrusting that hard into me is heaven. He pounds harder and harder until I go over. I come so hard I am sobbing into the panties that gag me, screaming from the pure, intense pleasure.

Apparently my shaking and clamping brought Jasper where he wanted to be as well as he gave a strangled cry and came. His body caged mine against the bed as he collapsed atop me putting his weight and my weight on my tied arms.

I cry out and push at him with my hips and he looks up lost, like he doesn't know what just happened. He undoes my arms and I pull the panties from my mouth, his body shivering over mine.

Jasper still caged me when he leaned down and kissed me so very gently.

"I love you Bella. More than you know." He whispered to me then let me up. I stood shakily and wobbled back to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me this time and felt guilty about it.

As I slipped into the shower I let cold water flow over me as I tried to sort through the mixed feeling I was experiencing. What the hell had just happened? My wrists were already bruising from where the scarf had been tied, angry red welts rising. What had come over Jasper?

I washed up quickly, got out and sat on the toilet for a while, a little nervous to come out of the bathroom. Not that Jasper had done anything I didn't enjoy really, its just that it was Jasper doing them. Jasper just wasn't the hard and fast kind of guy and that was what scared me. When I did come out, Jasper wasn't in the room.

I did my hair and make up quickly then pulled on my dress and shoes without really looking at them. When I was fully dressed and ready I came out to the living room and Jasper wasn't there. I checked the guestroom and he wasn't there either.

My phone beeps a few minutes later and it is a text from Jasper telling me to meet him downstairs. I shake my head a little confused and head out the door.

We usually don't drive to the club because then we have to leave our cars at the club when we are too drunk to drive and have take cabs home.

Jasper sits inside my SUV staring out the window pensively as I tap on the window for him to unlock my door. Without looking at me he presses the button on his side and I climb in carefully.

Before my seat belt is buckled he is speeding off. I sneak a couple glances over at him and his face is blank, void of all emotion.

"Jasper? Is everything okay? Your acting strange." I said quietly.

"What? You're the only one who gets to have an off day? I seem to remember you destroying your bathroom for no fucking reason a few weeks ago!" Jasper hissed unexpectedly. My mouth dropped open in shock and I snap it closed quickly almost biting my tongue.

I decided not to say anything more, if Jasper was in a mood now, I don't want to imagine how he will react later when I talk to him about us and Edward.

When we arrive he parks is in the back and comes around and opens my door. He helps me down and then he is suddenly in a different mood. Emmett greets us when we walk in and Jasper looks like nothing ever happened, like his normal happy self.

I am a bit puzzled by this and decide I am not going to stick around him the whole night and pull away from him to find Alice or Rosalie. I don't see either of them yet, but James stops me when I am heading upstairs to say hi and tells me that Rosalie isn't here yet, but Alice is up in the lounge room. I say good bye to James and I climb the rest of the steps to the lounge where Alice is sitting with a drink in hand.

"Bella baby! I've been waiting for you! Come join me for a drink!" Alice yells and I can tell she is already drunk. I didn't notice Jacob in the corner until he got up to get me a drink.

"Hey Bella, what'll you have?" He says in mock southern accent, and it makes me laugh but then I am reminded of Jasper and his weird mood and my smile fades.

"How about we have some shots Jacob? I think I might need a handful to start this night out right!" I say forcing another smile.

"Be right back Alice!" I shout as Jacob pulls me along to the bar.

"Vodka or Tequila miss?" Jacob asks when we arrive holding up the two unopened bottles grinning.

"Lets take both, you never know!" I say grinning back and we laugh for no reason.

When we return, Jacob pours out shots of tequila for each of us and we choke them down as fast as we can and Jacob refills them quickly.

After the forth one I wave my hand at him to stop pouring because I can't take another one just yet. Alice boos at me and Jacob gives my arm a playful punch and says I am weak.

"Alright, one more! Then we dance." I yell and they cheer. I idly wonder where everyone else is. They usually all come up so we can greet each other before the serious partying begins. After not one more shot, but three we finally make our way clumsily down the stairs.

Jacob has a steadying arm around both mine and Alice's waist and he slips a few times grabbing my ass. When we are downstairs safely I spot Jasper across the room at the bar with Emmett and he doesn't look my way when I pass him with Jacob and Alice.

I look around for Rosalie, and I still don't know why she isn't here yet. I make myself stop worrying about stupid things and dance. I dance until I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Edward. I smile and take his outstretched hand and we dance without a care, due to the fact that I am drunk and Jasper is acting like a crazy person.

"Sorry I am late, I cam with Rosalie. I think she plans to seduce Emmett tonight." Edward says.

"What?" I say with a laugh. Rosalie is not the seducing type and Emmett is definitely not the kind of guy who needs to be seduced.

"Well that's me putting it eloquently. She told me and I quote 'I am going to fuck the shit out of your brother tonight' So you can see why I tweaked the words a bit." Edward explained.

"That sounds like the Rosalie I know." I say and Edward nuzzles his face in my hair.

"Edward, don't. Wait till I talk to Jasper." I say.

"You know things aren't going to be perfect just because you tell him. He is going to flip." Edward says

"I know, but I am hoping I'll be able to salvage some kind of friendship after this for both of us, so lets not provoke him okay?" I ask.

"Sure, I love Jasper like a brother. I don't want to see him hurt either." Edward says. After just the one dance Edward and I part, and Rosalie finally comes up and hugs me.

"So Edward tells me a seduction is in on tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah so I figured its time I just took what I wanted and its no secret that I want Emmett." Rosalie says and I can tell she has had something to calm her nerves tonight. No one wants to stay put tonight, after a few more hours someone suggests we go to the beach and everyone either drunk or high agrees.

Half of us ride in my SUV and the other half in Emmett's as we head to the private beach Jacob's dad owns. The ride over I sit in the back with Alice and Jacob rides up front with Jasper.

He is still acting like nothing happened but I catch him sneaking weird looks at me and I don't like it. We arrive quickly and scatter onto the beach as the boys start a fire.

Jasper laughs with Jacob and Emmett as James pretends to know what he is doing when he lights the fire. I note the whisky bottle in Jasper's hand and I wonder if I am going to be able to talk to him tonight.

Finally I decide that if I am going to talk to him it will have to be pretty soon, before he is completely trashed. Edward pulls me behind a rock and kisses me quickly and runs off to join the guys leaving me baffled.

"So do you notice a weird tension with the boys tonight?" Alice asks sitting next to me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, panic setting my stomach in knots.

"I don't know, Jasper seems like he is waiting for something to pop off and the others are acting like they know too. Am I missing something?" Alice asks.

"You and me both I guess." I say really unsure.

"Well how about a swim then?" Alice says taking my hand and leading me to the water. We both strip off our dresses and shoes and splash in the icy water in just bras and underwear.

Freezing and giggling we put our dresses back on and warm up by the fire but we are soon distracted by a scream. Rosalie is off in the distance yelling at someone and I see its Edward.

"No fuck that Rosalie! This is bullshit." I hear Edward shout back and head to Jasper who is looking prepared and swings at Edward. Alice and I dress quickly and run towards them as Jasper lands a punch and Edward staggers to the sand. I scream for them to stop and Jasper turns and closes in on me.

"I know. I fucking know Bella." Jasper shouts shoving me away roughly, sending me falling backward into the sand. Edward rises and Jasper punches him again and the blow hits him in the nose. Edward swings back and I watch the blood flow from Jasper's mouth.

"Don't you ever fucking touch her like that Jasper! You hear me?" Edward screams and Jasper and him begin throwing punches wildly, knocking each other to the sand and grappling with one another.

"Stop, please stop." I yell but they aren't listening, I grab Edward by the shoulder and catch a stray blow from Jasper in my back, shoving me closer to Edward. Catching my hands in his Edward notices the bruises around my wrists. He releases me and snarls at Jasper.

"Did you do this to her? You beating her now?" Edward growls.

"I've never hit a woman in my life Edward! That's how you treat women, you hurt them and rape them and hurt them some more and they come crawling back to you every time. Must be nice." Jasper taunts and Edward tackles him around the waist and they both go tumbling to the sand yet again.

"Shut up! Just shut your fucking mouth!" Edward says and hits Jasper there just to drill in the point. Jasper laughs blood leaking from his lips and the two grapple and roll further away, all the while trying to choke the life from one another. These two boys that once called themselves 'Brothers' fighting like beasts.

I don't realize how close we are to the water until the boys are fighting in it. Panic rushes through me, they could drown each other. I run after them and try to pull Jasper away as no one else seems to care that they are fighting aside from Rosalie. Jasper pushes me off of him and throws me into the water.

"I found out before we left today! Your fucking phone rang and you had a text from him. Saying that after today you guys would be together without hiding. This whole time, you've been fucking him and lying to me?!" Jasper screams in agony.

Edward takes his moment of distraction and lands a punch to his jaw. Jasper yells and swings at Edward and hits him right at the chin and Edward sinks down to the water. I try to go to him and see if he is okay but something is dragging me away.

Jasper holds my arm tightly in his hand and pulls me away towards the car. I stumble and fall a couple times and try to tug out of his grip but he won't let go. He throws me inside the car and gets in and I sit there in shock that Jasper is acting like this. Going mad.

"You aren't going to leave me. We are going home together Bella, I love you. Why don't you see that?" Jasper asks his voice filled with anguish.

"I do see it, Jasper I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." I cried.

"It's too fucking late Bella, you know what? I hope Edward dies. I hope he drowns. Then what would you have? Me. You would have me." Jasper said and starts the car and I try to reach for the door handle to get out but he grabs hold of my arm.

"Your not going anywhere I told you. You are coming home with me." Jasper said driving away keeping my arm in his hand.

"Please just stop Jasper, I am sorry. Please." I begged as he began to pick up speed. My phone began to ring like crazy, likely the others but I was afraid to answer it.

"You just think you can step all over me. I love you and care for you and you just want to leave me for the guys who rapes you? I don't fucking get it Bella." Jasper shouts.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Jasper, I never wanted that." I try to explain but it comes out as a lame excuse.

"We are almost home." Ramsey says softly and lets go of my arm.

I look at the speedometer and he is going at least thirty over the limit.

"Jasper slow down please." I plead as he starts to swerve.

I see Jasper open his mouth to tell me something, but what ever he was going to say, I will never know. Awful sounds, screeching, crunching sounds. I hear the impact before I feel it and for some reason this is funny and I can't stop laughing. I don't know what we have hit, but I can see the front of my car is no longer there and we are still moving. Jasper looks over at me as we hit another something and I feel liquid running down my face.

I look up thinking maybe the roof of my car is gone too and that somehow its raining, but its still there and there is no rain. Jasper reaches out to me and I pull away.

Blood, it splashes from my head onto my hands and I laugh because there is no way that I am bleeding this much and can't feel it. The awful sounds finally stop and I feel one last crunch before everything is quiet.

That is when I start to feel pain, but not in my head, in my right leg and left wrist. I look at my wrist and note that it is at a weird angle and that is the last thing I see before I pass out.

Then I dream. I dream of Jasper on his boat, tan and smiling. I dream Edward is on the boat with him too. Then Edward is in the water, drowning and Jasper is holding him under. Edward stops struggling and bobs face down in the water before sinking to the crystal clear depths. In my dream I know Edward has died.

I don't want to be alive. If Edward is not alive, I cant be alive. It just doesn't make sense. I let myself sink deeper into whatever this is, sleep? Death? I don't know and don't care.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: This is it my readers, the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and I am considering a sequel…well more of a companion anyway. Any last questions or concerns? Ask away and I will do my best to answer. Thanks again everyone for reading and please let me know what you think!**_

I could hear a beeping noise, steady, like that of a heartbeat. It was soothing, so soothing that I almost didn't want to open my eyes. I simply wanted to sink into the nothingness where I had been. In that place everything had been perfect, everyone smiled.

But I was starting to ache, and I knew I couldn't sink back into that place. Slowly, I let my eyes crack open and adjust to the dim light of the room.

Gazing around I realized I was in a hospital room. The beeping noise I had been hearing was the beeping of the monitors attached with various cords and tubes to my body.

When I looked to the left I spotted a lone figure hunched in the corner, I tried to sit up but my body was too weak and I collapsed back down. My movements must have woken the slumbering figure as I heard my name being whispered by the man.

"Bella? Bella! Your awake!" The voice said and as the figure neared me I recognized the man who spoke. It was Jasper. Suddenly the reason I was here came flooding to me. The fight with Edward, Jasper acting crazy, and the accident.

Jasper approaches my bed and I note that his arm is in a sling and his face is pretty badly cut up. His eye is black and his lip busted but other than that he looks okay. But why was Jasper here and not Edward? My stomach sinks as the conclusion comes to me.

Despite my weakness I scramble away from Jasper and try to climb from the bed.

"What are you doing Bella? You shouldn't be moving!" Jasper said trying to help me back into bed but I smacked at his hands as I felt myself become increasingly hysterical.

"Edward." I managed to croak. Jasper's face fell and I felt him confirming my fear.

"No." I whispered shaking my head frantically.

"Bella please just lay back down." Jasper pleaded taking my waist.

"No!" I screamed hitting him with my closed fist knocking over my IV pole.

"Where is Edward?! Jasper! Tell me where he is!" I cried hiccupping.

"Just calm down Bella, everything is okay." Jasper said struggling with me, but not making any headway with his injured arm. I swung at him again and connected with the side of his head where he had a bandage covering a gash. He cried out and let me go and I dropped to the ground with a thump and felt pain stab through my side, from my hip to just under my arm.

"You tell me right now Jasper Whitlock! You tell me where he is. Tell me he is okay." I cried, ignoring the intensely growing pain.

Several nurses rushed into the room having heard the ruckus, a male and female and gently helped me back into the bed and straightened the IV pole.

The woman nurse then tried to examine me but I thrashed about wildly screaming.

"Jasper! Tell me he is okay, tell me Edward isn't dead!" I sobbed.

The male nurse held me down but I still screamed and fought, I couldn't stand the thought of not knowing what became of Edward.

"Bella, he isn't dead." Jasper said and his voice sounded thick like he was holding back tears.

"You almost died Bella, you've been out for a week now. We all thought you weren't going to make it when they first brought you in.. You were very criticle." Jasper continued.

"Where is he?" I asked gasping for air, unable to believe that if he was alive he would be anywhere but here with me. Jasper was lying to me. That was the only way.

"He's at the funeral. He didn't want to leave you but he had to go." Jasper said sadly, tears flowing from his eyes.

I shook my head in confusion.

"Who?" I managed to ask, biting my lip in fear of the answer.

Jasper tried to take a breath but choked and cried a little harder, shaking his head.

"I stayed here with you in case you woke up, but the others are at the funeral as well." Jasper said.

"Tell me Jasper, please." I begged.

"Some of the group followed us when we left and when we crashed, they crashed too." Jasper explained.

"Emmett was driving. When they crashed into us, his neck broke and he died instantly." Jasper choked out.

I felt my whole body burn with rage in the injustice of it.

Emmett, sweet, funny, honest Emmett.

Dead.

The big arms that were always so quick to envelope me in a breath taking hug would never again hold bring comfort.

His booming voice, barking laughter, and genial nature were all gone.

I clutched my stomach as tremors racked my body.

This was my fault, if I had never been in the picture no one would be hurt or dead.

The female nurse shook her head at me sadly and took the opportunity to examine me.

I lay back mute, shaking but unable to say or anything else apart from sobbing uncontrollably.

The nurse made a noise when she examined my side.

I didn't look but I could see Jasper's eyes widen so I knew it must be bad but I couldn't bring myself to care when I was here and poor Emmett was being buried in the ground.

"You reopened your stitches and the ribs we set don't look very good." The nurse said to me but I gave no indication that I heard or cared.

Hours later after my ribs were painfully reset and my stitches closed again, Jasper sat beside me holding my hand in silence.

The tears had long since dried leaving a feeling of emptiness that couldn't be filled.

"Leave me alone Jasper." I whispered jerking my hand from his.

I wanted to scream, to fight, to make some show of the agony, the burning despair that filled me.

"Bella, I know your hurting. We all are. What I did, it is unforgivable. I know it. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I know its all my fault but we have to stick together right now, all of us." Jasper said pleadingly, trying to take my hand again.

"No Jasper. Right now I want to be alone. I don't want to sit here with you thinking about all the shit that's happened over and over again. Eventually you know you will wear me down and I will forgive you and then this misery will start all over again. I want a moment of freedom from all of you." I said knowing my words, as painful as they were for me to say, hurt Jasper even more.

"I'll go Bella, but I will never stop fighting for you." Jasper said leaving with a sad look.

"Your words dont mean a thing to me." I replied and he paused at the door long enough to bow his head before he was gone.

He could fight all he wants, I thought.

I have already given up.

I feel all cried out. I don't think I could shed another tear if I wanted to. Then I think of what I would have done if it was Edward that died and the relief that it wasn't him causes me to sob in guilt. Emmett was Edward's only sibling, his big brother. I cannot imagine what he is going through.

After Jasper left the hospital, I waited for Edward. Waited for his call, waited for his visit, for any word of him. A whole week past and nothing.

Rosalie stopped in everyday, even though she was clearly destroyed by Emmett's death, she put on a strong front for me. But one can only be strong for so long before the breaking point appears.

"I just wish I had told him how I felt." Rosalie finally sobbed after days of pretending she wasn't in pain. Her silver blond hair hung loose and covered her face like a mourning veil. I took her hand and she gripped it tightly in return.

"I think he knew Rosalie, I think he felt the same way back." I said.

"Did he? I just can't let him go Bella! I never wanted anybody as much as I wanted him! I loved him! And I never told him. Oh god why didn't I say something? I am always so fucking forward, the one time it counts I didn't say what I needed to." Rosalie cried miserably.

"I don't know what to say Rosalie…He was one of a kind, but I know you will get past this." I consoled.

I hoped she really would be able to get past this. Rosalie had trouble letting people close to her, falling in love was not something she ever did lightly this would be a setback to say the least.

When she had calmed enough I asked her what I had been burning to ask the whole time.

"Have you spoken to Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Yesterday I visited him after I left here. He isn't taking things so well. He won't really talk to me, to anyone for that matter." Rosalie said wiping the last of her tears.

"Is he staying at his place?" I asked.

"No, he was staying at Emmett's after he kicked James out, but his dad made him leave. Said it wasn't healthy for him to be there, just pouring over Emmett's things. I guess it's true, but that's the only way Edward knows to comfort himself." Rosalie explained.

"So is he staying with Carlisle then?" I questioned, hugging myself to keep from going into hysterics again.

"Yeah, he is staying with his dad for now. They are afraid to leave him alone." Rosalie said sadly.

It broke my heart to imagine Edward sitting alone in Emmett's apartment, just rifling through his brother's things. Was he trying to feel close to him? Or just comforting himself? I didn't know but I wanted to be with him, to hold him, comfort him.

"Has Jasper visited you again?" Rosalie said coldly. She wasn't really on Jasper's side at the moment, blaming him for the events that lead to Emmett's death. Rosalie hadn't been in the car with Emmett but she had been right behind and had been on the scene when they pronounced him dead.

"He comes every day, I think he hopes that I will break down and forgive him. But I can't. I just can't look at him after what he caused." I replied.

"We all have to forgive him sometime, but it's going to take some time." Rosalie said surprising me with the amount of sympathy her voice held.

"Hey there beautiful! How you feeling today?" Alice announced dropping several bags at the door as she shoved past Rosalie to give me a hug.

"Alice be careful you don't hurt her." Rosalie scolded.

Turning away from me, Alice flipped Rosalie the bird then turned back to me with a smile.

"So I hear they are going to let you go in two days? You excited?" Alice asked giddily. You would think nothing ever happened by the happy mood she was sporting.

"Yeah I guess it will be nice to go home." I said evasively. Going home would not be the same unless Edward was with me. Practically reading my thoughts, Alice said,

"Saw Edward today, I stopped by his dad's house. He is looking a bit better." Alice concluded like the news wasn't absolutely vital to me.

"Did he mention me? Why he hasn't visited?" I asked anxiously.

"Well he may have mentioned something about coming to pick you up when you get out…something like that." Alice said nonchalantly.

"What? Really?" I asked not believing it. I was sure he hadn't come to visit me because he blamed me in part for Emmett.

"Yeah that's what he said. And I don't know anything else so save your breath." Alice says holding up a hand to stop me from bombarding her with more questions.

"Yeah okay I get it." I relented, but my mind was racing as the thought of seeing Edward in just two short days consumed me.

"We will be back later with some dinner for you, I know this hospital food is shit." Alice said hooking her arm through Rosalie's.

"It's not so bad actually." I said and managed the first smile since I woke up in the hospital.

"See you later babe." Rosalie said with a wink and left with Alice.

**A few days later...**

I sat in front of the hospital. A nurse behind me to push my wheelchair even though I insisted I was fine to walk. I insisted but secretly I was greatful that the nurse didn't believe me. I was still very weak and my body tender. I looked around and sighed in disapointment. Waiting was absolutely terrible. It was exactly three pm. I was released at two-thirty. Still no Edward, nobody had shown up to get me.

"Do you think you could take me back inside to use the phone?" I asked the nurse.

"Sure thing dear." She said pushing me back towards the hospital entrance. I was done waiting. I would call a cab and go home and cry like a loser.

"Is that your ride honey?" The nurse asked as we waited for the automatic doors to open. I turned towards the car she was indicating and my face lit up.

Filing out of Jacob's SUV were all my friends, Rosalie waved and Alice was jumping up and down excitedly as she hugged me a little too tightly helping me to my feet.

"Were all here! We all came to welcome you home!" Alice squealed.

Tanya, Irina and James waited back while Alice had her moment with me, then stepped forward to give me a hug.

"Glad you're okay gorgeous." James said hugging me gently then stepping back to let the girls have a go. It warmed me to see them all show up for me but the one face I wanted to see I had yet to spot.

"Bella love." His voice said from behind me. How he managed to sneak up on me, I will never know but my heart raced and I felt hot tears spring forward as he took me in his arms carefully.

"Edward, I missed you." Was all I could manage as he took my face in his hands and kissed me the way only he could. Everything was right in that moment. No pain, no sadness, none of the hopeless feelings I had been feeling all week, just rightness. The sheer perfection of being in his arms.

"Edward." Another voice said breaking us apart.

We both turned together to face Jasper. His eyes looked red and swollen like he had been crying or drinking, or both. His voice cracked when he spoke, and judging by the look on Edward's face, this was the first of Jasper he had seen since the accident.

"Jasper." Edward said with a nod of his head and released me and moved towards Jasper. I thought for a moment he would hit him, but calmly Edward grabbed Jasper and did something surprising, he hugged him tightly.

The relief Jasper felt was visible on his face as he held onto Edward for dear life and sobbed his hands clutching the fabric of Edward's shirt.

"I am so sorry man. You're like my brother. I love you." Jasper said clinging to Edward, his body shaking.

"It's not your fault man. Things happen, Emmett wouldn't have blamed you, and so I don't. You are still my best friend Jasper." Edward said and Jasper cried even harder. I couldn't help but cry too. It made me see that things were never so broken that they couldn't be mended.

Jasper released Edward and turned to me. I couldn't speak but I gave him a nod and he nodded back and I felt like we were okay.

"Should we get you outta here now? We got a party waiting at the club for you." Rosalie said.

Edward took me by the waist, supporting most of my weight and led me to Jasper's car.

"We are going to ride with Jasper, meet you there." Edward announced and turned to Jasper and asked,

"That okay?" his dark eyebrow rising in question.

"That's perfect." Jasper said with a small smile as Edward opened the door to the backseat for me, and climbed into the passenger seat next to Jasper.

"We are going to be okay guys. I feel it." Edward said and it made me smile because it wasn't the kind of thing Edward would say.

It was something Emmett would say.

But as we drove to the club and Jasper and Edward conversed like they best friends they had been before I came along, I knew things really would be okay.

**The End.**


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